Killer Pad

Brody:
It all makes sense. How could we have been so blind?

Craig:
What?

Doug:
What are you talking about, Brody?

Brody:
Don't you see? The hellacious stench, the ungodly heat, the forbidden fruit. I know what did this. It was a bunch of God damned squatters!

Doug:
You think weightlifters did this?

Brody:
That guy just ripped out his own heart.

Craig:
And tracked mud all in the house.

Brody:
[while watching girls make out] I think I released the demon seamen.

Craig:
I don't know how I'd feel about having some poor bastard work for free.

Doug:
It's un-American.

Fire Marshal:
No, you gotta trust me on this one. I mean, he wouldn't mind. Not like when his wife of seventeen years, who he treated like a goddess, left him for Tom at Myspace.com.

Craig:
It kind of sounds like your friend might be gay.

Fire Marshal:
Why? You gay? Nice apron.

Dinko's Geek:
You know what would be funny? If you took your top off and I saw your breasts, and I was like, "Hey, I can't believe you did that."

Dinko's Geek:
Your back structure's exquisite. I wanna lick it.

Craig:
These girls look cooked.

Doug:
I know they're totally baked.

Craig:
No man, I think that they're dead.

Doug:
Holy sh*t!

Craig, Doug:
[scream]

Craig:
You've got a little corpse on you!

Dinko's Geek:
I saw an adult film ones. My father has 'em. He hides them in a box labeled poison.

Craig:
I can't believe this is happening.

Doug:
I don't believe my eyes.

Craig, Doug:
Joey Lawrence came to our party!

Brody:
Oh my god.

Lucy:
God's not gonna help you now, Brody.

Brody:
I hope not.

Brody:
You've got a penis!

Lucy:
I've got a vagina too.

Brody:
Boys, save yourselves. Lucy's the devil!

Craig:
I don't even care.

Brody:
Let me offer some words of persuasion: She has a penis!

Craig, Doug:
[scream]

Doug:
Holy camel foot! Deal breaker!

Brody:
I need everyone here to listen to me very, very carefully, but whatever you do, please do not panic. Everybody here is in danger of being brutally murdered and sacrificed to the devil, so, if you would, please just move single file to the door, and we'll look forward to seeing you next time.

Brody:
We will sing a holy song to defeat those evil, hot, evil b*tches!

Doug:
Now we're gonna send you evil hoes back to Hell!

Brody:
Well, that's it. All the stiffs have come back to life and everybody's going home.

Craig:
Yeah, including us. My dad's balls are enormous.

Doug:
Like cantaloupes in a tube sock.

Winnie:
Buckle up, boys.

[first lines]

Craig:
Oh! Help!

Doug:
Uh-oh.

Craig:
I think we got to pull over, Brody.

Brody:
Again? Craig. You've been shitting across America.

Doug:
Seriously. I want to get there, man.

Craig:
Come on, you guys. The cigar's hanging off the lip.