Kissing Darkness

Ashton:
Monsters! Are you alright? Did they get you?

Skylar:
No! My life just flashed before my eyes all in thanks to a family of raccoons. I'm really dead now... decaying before your eyes. Wanna see?

Ashton:
Really? Does it hurt?

Skylar:
Only the first time!

Ashton:
Oh, well that's good!

Skylar:
...I'm gonna go wash my face!

Jonathan:
So, Ash - you still pissing the bed at night?

Ashton:
You know I stopped that! A year... three years ago! No, two years ago!

Jonathan:
Well don't - watersports can be hot!

Vlad:
Wanna play a game?

Brett:
Spin the bottle? Oh babe... I thought we only played that when we were alone together at home!

Vlad:
Maybe later. Now screw off!

Ashton:
Oh come on, live a little. Let's do it. Yep - the magic gummy bears want to play!

Skylar:
And, do what? Summon some hot buff demon who will screw your brains out then rip your throat open? No, thank you! Put that thing back where you found it!

Vlad:
Now who is being the... what is the term you people use? "Drama Queen"?

Vlad:
My dad used to tell us these woods were haunted by a girl... Malice Valeria.

Ashton:
Oh - I think I knew a girl who had that!

Vlad:
It was her name dumbass, not a disease!

Skylar:
This isn't the made for TV movie where a bunch of queers get lost in the woods and have to eat each others' asses to survive!

Skylar:
Oh, now the straight boy knows his jewelry. How dare you sneak trips off to Tiffany without a queer-peer in hand!

Skylar:
Oh, why is your neck so scary?

Ashton:
I've been trying to call you! Haven't had any reception though. I think it's the rabbits or something - they're scandalous, you know?

Ashton:
So this is it - the cabin... our torture chamber!

Skylar:
Oh no, don't you be starting that again. Get a room. I'm so horny that the slightest tease of anything may possibly cause me to explode! I wasn't kidding about exploding, guys! Keep making me watch that and you will think the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man got gunned down again!

Skylar:
Well, you've got the marks to prove it. That, or there was one hell of a mosquito in here!

Keith:
What is this, the "Stepford GAYS?" Come on, guys!

Vlad:
I'm sorry, I thought this was the room for the climatic orgy scene. I guess we'll have to save that for the "uncut" version!

Jonathan:
Seriously - I thought liquor got better with age. It just turns into bottled death.

Skylar:
Okay, confess... he let you blow him, didn't he? Or better yet, he sucked you off? Baptized into gaydom with a nice protein smoothie!