Kyle XY

Amanda Bloom:
I can't help it if all I want to do is be alone with you.

Kyle:
Celebrating birthday, dosen't that mean celebrating one year closer to death?

Lori Trager:
Ok, how do you know that none of these other places don't have any dogs or alarms, or men?

Kyle:
I've read the public records

Lori Trager:
Which public records?

Kyle:
...all of them...

Hillary:
Wow, you're hot!

Kyle:
It's warm outside.

Kyle:
Refering To Amanda:She hates me.

Lori Trager:
Just don't hump her leg and you'll be fine.

Kyle:
Everybody laughed at me.

Josh Trager:
And you don't know why?

Kyle:
No.

Josh Trager:
You never had an erection before?

Kyle:
Not that I can remember.

Kyle:
So we come to the pool, but don't swim. And we scope babes, but we don't talk to them?

Josh Trager:
It's a cruel world, I just live in it.

Jessi XX:
I hate being the new girl.

Amanda Bloom:
These are for you.

Kyle:
Why?

Amanda Bloom:
Well let's see a piano mysteriously showed up in my living room last night. When I asked my mom how it got there she rolled her eyes in annoyance.

Kyle:
She did.

Amanda Bloom:
The only person who could annoy her like that is you. Ergo flowers.

Kyle:
Hey.

Lori Trager:
Hey mood swing. What's go you all peppy?

Kyle:
I'm going to the dance with Amanda.

Lori Trager:
You have a date with Amanda?

Kyle:
No. It's not a date.

Lori Trager:
How do you know?

Kyle:
She said she's doing me a favor.

Jessi XX:
Is Lori your friend?

Declan McDonough:
You want to talk about Lori?

Jessi XX:
She's being nice to me and my sister said I have to make friends.

Declan McDonough:
You are.

Declan McDonough:
[kisses jessi again]

Jessi XX:
What about Kyle? Is he your friend?

Declan McDonough:
He used to be. Friends are overrated.

Emily Hollander:
[Emily walks in on Jessi and Declan making out] Jessi what the hell are you doing?

Jessi XX:
Making friends.

Amanda Bloom:
Are you okay?

Kyle:
Not really.

Amanda Bloom:
Kyle it's okay if you don't want to go to the dance with me. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable by asking you.

Kyle:
I do want to go to the dance with you.

Amanda Bloom:
Then, why are you acting so weird?

Kyle:
Nichole says it's because I like you.

Amanda Bloom:
You do?

Kyle:
Of course. Don't you like me?

Amanda Bloom:
Yeah, I like you. So we're going to the dance together and you're okay with it?

Kyle:
It's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.

Amanda Bloom:
Did you see that?

Kyle:
No.

Amanda Bloom:
They lights they...

Kyle:
What lights?

Amanda Bloom:
Oh. Wow.

Charlie Tanner:
Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and boys. Thank you for coming out, literally, to this very gay event and by gay, I don't mean happy. I mean oh so very homosexual.

Charlie Tanner:
When did you two ladies jump on the lesbian granola bus?

Lori Trager:
I don't know, Hils. Want to give it a try?

Hillary:
I've always wanted to be a granola lesbian.

[Lori and Hillary kiss]

Lori Trager:
If only to never kiss homophobic cheating jerks like yourself ever again.

Kyle:
By threatening my friend and hurting my sister?

Josh Trager:
[Jessi is being clingy to Kyle. Josh mumbling] New player on the field.

Declan McDonough:
Trager, quuit messing around.

Kyle:
Lori, get out it's not safe.

Declan McDonough:
What's wrong?

Kyle:
ZZYZX. This is a way in.

Declan McDonough:
Lori, get the hell out of there!

Kyle:
Are you okay?

Declan McDonough:
Just a little tight. I'm a bit claustrophobic.

Kyle:
Be careful.

Amanda:
What character are you Jessi?

Jessi XX:
I've never watched Scooby-Doo.

Andy Jensen:
What?

Josh Trager:
Nothing.

Andy Jensen:
Then, stop staring at me like that.

Lori Trager:
This seemed like a good idea 4 beers ago.

Declan McDonough:
Trager.

Lori Trager:
Where the hell have you guys been?

Kyle:
Lori, get out of there.

Lori Trager:
Kyle! Declan! Oh my god, get me out of here. Declan! Guys,can you hear me? Hello?

Lori Trager:
Kyle! Declan! Can you here me?

Lori Trager:
Please don't be a crazy guy with an ax.

Andy Jensen:
Too bad they don't have merit badges for playing porno video games. You'd be an eagle scout by now.

Kyle:
I kissed Amanda.

Declan McDonough:
I knew it. You had this weird morning-after vibe.

Kyle:
I just can't figure out if we...

Amanda:
...are a couple or not.

Lori Trager:
What you need is the kiss test. The first kiss is for romantic-comedy endings.

Lori Trager:
The second kiss is what defines the relationship.

Amanda:
Aren't you coming?

Kyle:
I have to save Jessi.

Amanda:
I'll come with you.

Kyle:
No. I need you to be safe.

Amanda:
Kyle? Where'd he go?

Josh Trager:
He went back in.

Andy Jensen:
If you have something to say, forget the jokes, and man-up and say it.

Josh Trager:
Andy, about what you said...

Andy Jensen:
Forget about it.

Josh Trager:
How am I supposed to do that?

Andy Jensen:
Easy. When you get the urge to talk about it, don't. Oh, and do me a favor and don't tell anyone.

Josh Trager:
Andy?

Andy Jensen:
I'm serious.

Kyle:
I went back in and risked my life to get something I didn't get anyway. I could have died down there. I could have lost everything. I could have lost you.

Amanda:
Does this mean you're impressed with me now, too?

Kyle:
I'm always impressed with you

Kyle:
I'd spent my whole life fearing them, when in reality they feared me. I was the ghost. The ghost in the machine.

Andy Jensen:
I thought you'd be better at rubbing wood.

Kyle:
We were just talking.

Amanda:
If you had any idea how much of a guy you sound like right now.

Josh Trager:
[reading shirt that Andy gave him] "I'm With Cancer Girl." It's awesome. You're awesome.

Andy Jensen:
You're pretty awesome too.

[Josh quickly kisses Andy]

Andy Jensen:
Uhm... That's not how you do it.

[Andy starts making out with Josh]

[last lines]

Kyle:
The bonds we form with other people can help us through any setback. Genuine friendship will survive any dispute or competition. And true partnership provides strength in times of trouble and confusion.

Charlie Tanner:
That was insane! How'd you do that?

Kyle:
Angle, trajectory, velocity, wind.

Charlie Tanner:
And all this time I've been chucking a ball through a hoop!

Lori Trager:
[yelling at Declan] She beat me up.

Hillary:
I try learn from Phill and Oprah, but everything comes out Springer.

Amanda Bloom:
Sorry, I compared you to Charlie.

Kyle:
I should be the one apologizing.

Amanda Bloom:
It's just what I saw...

Kyle:
Was confusing. I know. But I promise you nothing physical was going on. I wouldn't lie to you.

Andy Jensen:
It's perfect. Especially for our last day together.

Andy Jensen:
And to kick things off, I think we should go upstairs and makeout.

Andy Jensen:
You're acting weird.

Josh Trager:
I'm on top of you making out. What's weird about that?

Andy Jensen:
You're being hesitant. Guys aren't supposed to do hesitant.

Josh Trager:
I'm not being hesitant.

[Andy and Josh start making out again]

Andy Jensen:
Totally hesitant.

Josh Trager:
Would you stop using that word?

Andy Jensen:
I'm sorry. But it's true. Any other guy would have his hand half way to the promised land by now.

Josh Trager:
I'm trying to be respectful.

Andy Jensen:
No. Respect is the slow inching, waiting for me to swat your hand away. Respect is at least trying to go there. Unless you...

Josh Trager:
Unless I what?

Andy Jensen:
Unless you've never gone there before.

Josh Trager:
Ugh...

Andy Jensen:
Oh my god! You've never touched a boob before.

Josh Trager:
I've touched a boob before.

Andy Jensen:
A real one? Or one of those inflatable ones?

Josh Trager:
I've touched a boob before, okay? Just never one that...

Andy Jensen:
Never one that what?

Josh Trager:
Never one that mattered.

Andy Jensen:
My b*obs matter?

Josh Trager:
Of course they matter. Why else would I put up with this humiliation?

[Josh moves his hand up to Andy's chest and he's about to put his hand down her shirt and she swats his hand away]

Andy Jensen:
Yeah... no.

Andy Jensen:
[Josh pulls Andy closer to him]

Stephen Trager:
Bring me back a Whitman tee shirt.

Declan McDonough:
Welcome to U-Dub

Lori Trager:
Does anything look familiar?

Kyle:
No

Lori Trager:
Not yet

Declan McDonough:
Check it out. We're at college,Trager.

Lori Trager:
Then why do I feel like I have "high school" writtten all over me.

Declan McDonough:
Take your own advice. I haven't exactly heard you spill your heart out to Amanda.

Kyle:
I'm going alone

Declan McDonough:
Like hell...

Kyle:
Declan. Thanks for driving me now I have to go on my own.

Tom Foss:
You gotta stop asking questions. Forget about the past. Get on with your life. Because if you don't, if you don't, you're gonna put yourself and you're gonna to put Nicole, you're gonna put Stephen and Lori and Josh and that whole family, in danger.

Kyle:
What are you talking about?

Tom Foss:
They'll kill you, Kyle. They'll kill all of you.

[to Lori]

Hillary:
You know, not everything's about you and your boyfriend.

Kyle:
Yo! Juice me!

Kyle:
Yo! Let's get some juice down here!

Kyle:
'Sup? Everyone takin' stupid pills around here?

Kyle:
Juice Me!

Kyle:
My birth was unconventional at best. My first memory was waking up in the forest. Like a newborn baby, I had no idea who I was or what was happening. My eyes weren't sure what they were seeing. Every sight, sound and feeling was unfamiliar. Every species is born with instincts that ultimately create a balance with nature. Every species except the one I was born into.

[first lines]

Kyle:
My birth was unconventional at best.

[talking to Carol Bloom about a date with Amanda]

Kyle:
I just wanna say that I appreciate your trust in me, and that I wanna continue to built that trust. I hope you know that I plan on working hard at earning that honour of a date with your giraffe.

Amanda Bloom:
I think he means me, Mom.

Carol Bloom:
I would certainly hope so.

[last lines]

Kyle:
I spent the day unable to be there for the people I cared about the most, yet everyone worked to help each other when I couldn't help them... or myself. The problem was never that I had taken on too much, or caused myself stress. It was only that I didn't see the simplest way to solve a problem is to be sure you have someone to help you.

Hillary:
Once upon a time, Lori and Declan were Leclan. They were attached at the hip. And then suddenly, they weren't. Personally, I think they're meant to be.

Stephen Trager:
Where does my T.A. enter the picture?

Hillary:
Well, snarky Mark is a hottie in dork's clothing, but I don't think Lori is seeing this just yet. She has no idea their aggro-flirting is just thinly disguised sexual tension.

Stephen Trager:
Sexual what exactly are you talking about?

Hillary:
Sexual nothing. What I meant was, could you pass the sherry vinegar?

Josh Trager:
[referring to Kyle] He's like the Idiot King of Stupid Town.

Kyle:
I thought it was good to help?

Josh Trager:
It is, but, it has to be a secret.

Kyle:
A secret? Is that lying?

Josh Trager:
How can it be lying if we're not saying anything?

Jessi XX:
So many new people.

Emily Hollander:
You know what to do.

Jessi XX:
Mingle and blend in.

Emily Hollander:
Do you want me to go with you?

Jessi XX:
No. I don't need my big sister glued to my hip.

Emily Hollander:
Jessi. Stop. Go. Go for a walk.

Emily Hollander:
What happened?

Jessi XX:
I don't know.

Declan McDunaugh:
She's breathing. Kyle. How are you not burned? [sirens] Go. Get out of here.

Amanda Bloom:
This is what you wanted to tell me. You didn't think I'd want to hear it from you. Well, you were wrong.

Kyle:
Why did you create me in the first place.

Lori Trager:
Kyle's not here.

Declan McDonough:
Oh, actually I stopped by to...

Lori Trager:
He and Jessi were all bunched up and whispery at the breakfast table which, if you ask me, is a little too buddy-buddy for may taste beacuse, get this, apparently, Jessi is crushing on Kyle something fierce. So, anyway, I don't know where they went or when Kyle's coming back. For all I know, she lured him out of the house to some remote cabin to lock him up and turn him into her love slave.

Declan McDonough:
Trager, I'm here to see you.

Lori Trager:
Oh. You are?

Declan McDonough:
I came by to see if you wanted to hit The Rack. And it looks like you could stand some quality friend time.

Lori Trager:
Why, because I'm dancing around the house and babbling like you're the first person I've talked to all day? I'll get my purse.

Declan:
Look... I screw up all the time. Maybe it's your turn.

Lori Trager:
Sounds fair.

Lori Trager:
It wasn't some friggin' basketball game, Declan. "Hey man, did you catch that sex we had last weekend? Yeah, man, that sex was awesome, nice offense.

Lori Trager:
Do I have a British accent?

Kyle:
No.

Lori Trager:
Am I wearing a crown?

Kyle:
No.

Lori Trager:
Then stop guarding my door like I'm Queen friggen Elizabeth.

Kyle:
Sorry.

Kyle:
Do you really think that's possible?

Amanda Bloom:
With you anything's possible.

Kyle:
Was it difficult to see your Dad like this?

Amanda Bloom:
How did you... Oh yeah... You're you.

Josh Trager:
Hilary Duff called and she wants her shirt back.

Lori Trager:
Okay. What's your problem?

Josh Trager:
I don't have one.

Lori Trager:
Seriously, you haven't said one witty, smartass comment all week.

Kyle:
What's that look?

Amanda Bloom:
You're the mind reader. You tell me.

[Kyle looks at Amanda]

[Amanda looks Kyle up and down]

[Kyle leans in and kisses Amanda]

Jessi XX:
We can be different than who we appear to be.

Amanda Bloom:
I hate hospitals. They're always so cold.

Kyle:
The cold temperatures help keep from the spread of viruses.

Amanda Bloom:
They could at least paint the walls to make it feel warmer.

Kyle:
What if I fail?

Amanda Bloom:
You won't.

Kyle:
How can you be sure?

Amanda Bloom:
Because I believe in you.