Lakeboat

Stan:
Boy, was I drunk last night.

Joe Pitko:
I'm *still* drunk.

Stan:
That wine. You drink wine, it dehydrates you. When you drink water the next morning, it activates the alcohol.

Joe Pitko:
I'm so hung over I can't see.

Stan:
Can't see? I can't even talk.

Joe Pitko:
I can't even f***in' think straight.

Stan:
You couldn't think straight *last night*.

Joe Pitko:
I was drunk last night.

Stan:
You're *still* drunk.

Joe Pitko:
Yeah.

Stan:
Who is the most grotesque broad you ever f***ed?

Fred:
I'd have to think about that.

Stan:
I'd like to know.

Fred:
It's getting expensive just to live.

Joe Pitko:
Sure as sh*t.

Fred:
Just to buy a pack of Camels, it's getting so you have to go to the f***ing bank. Used to be 26 cents a pack in Indiana.

Joe Pitko:
I remember when it was 17 cents in Tennessee.

Fred:
You're not from there.

Joe Pitko:
Ah, we used to go there. Wish I never got started. I used to buy them from my old man. He used to say "Hey, if you're gonna smoke, don't hide it. Smoke in my presence."

Fred:
So did you?

Joe Pitko:
Christ, no, he would've kicked the sh*t out of me.

Fred:
It's too f***ing expensive. You never should have got started. F***!

Joe Pitko:
It's going up.

Fred:
When's it gonna stop, I swear to god I don't know. We'll all be selling syphilitic f***ing apples to each other on a street corner.

Joe Pitko:
I knew a guy who ate a chair, just because nobody stopped him.

Fred:
Steven Seagal is the strongest guy in ten years.

Stan:
You know what? You are truly an idiot. You could have said that in the dark, and I would've known it was you, because only you could make so stupid a statement. Steven Seagal has got to be the dumbest jagoff I can remember.

Fred:
Yeah, it's like you to say that.

Stan:
You know about it?

Fred:
I know when a guy is strong.

Stan:
And that's what Seagal is, strong, huh?

Fred:
Yeah.

Stan:
You know, you're right. I agree with you 100%, he is strong, this Seagal. I can't think of anything that could be stronger than him, unless maybe a pile of sh*t!

Fred:
What do you know? Who do you like?

Stan:
Oh, I'll tell you. You want a real strong fella, a real type. I'd have to say Jerry Lewis. He could probably knock the sh*t out of this Seagal.

Fred:
Aw, you don't know nothing. You don't know a f***ing champ when you're looking at him in the movies, for chrissakes. This guy is stark, he's the best.

Stan:
He's the best, alright. Like jacking off is better than getting laid. This guy Seagal is the biggest jackoff of all time.

Fred:
Yeah, I agree with you, Stan. I see your point, the man is not stark, he's no f***ing good. That's why he didn't take five f***ing guys in that barroom using only one pool cue. I see your point!

Stan:
Boy, did I get laid last night.

Fred:
One of the lads on the boat?

Stan:
By a woman, Freddie. A woman. Do you remember them? Soft things with a hole in the middle?