Land of the Blind

Thorne:
I didn't come to violence casually, you know. But you get to a point where you have no choice but to take up arms against your oppressors.

Joe:
True, but under Maximillian's rule we don't kill innocent bystanders

Thorne:
Nobody standing by is innocent.

Joe:
I know that I have done questionable things, but my role in the assassination of the president is one that even now I cannot say I entirely regret.

Joe:
I met Mr. Thorne in the last days of the empire, but no one knew then that they were the last days.

Thorne:
This prison used to be a hospital.

First Lady:
The condition of criminals is of no importance to the state!

Joe:
How do you remember it all like that, word for word?

Thorne:
My entertainment options are kind of limited.

Joe:
Have you memorized anything else?

Thorne:
Shakespeare, books of the Bible...

Maximilian II:
[on the idea of Thorne speaking on their behalf] He won't even wear f***ing clothes on our behalf!

Joe:
Don't do this to yourself.

Thorne:
I didn't know it was self-inflicted.

Thorne:
Hello Joe.

Joe:
I didn't think you'd remember me, sir.

Thorne:
Look at you, they made you an officer.

Joe:
Yes sir. And I got married too.

Thorne:
Congratulations.

Thorne:
You want to kill a snake? Cut off its head.

Maximilian II:
[has just stabbed his advisor to death with a pen] I wish I hadn't had to do this, but it's bad business to let failure go unpunished. It sends a bad message to the rest of the staff.

Thorne:
[is holding a trial of Maximilian, and is interrogating the First Lady, who has been gagged] Madame, can you think of any positive contributions your husband has made to this country during his time as president? [First Lady attempts to speak past the gag] Madame can you think of any reason why your husband should not be put to death for what he has done to this country? [the First Lady struggles, but cannot speak] Let the record show that the witness was silent. No further questions.

[repeated line]

Joe:
Nothing better than a big, juicy steak.

Joe:
People are being sent to the re-education camps because they wear glasses! Children are rewarded for turning their parents into the secret police!

Joe:
[about Thorne's condition] You should see a doctor. Oops, sent them all to the re-education camps.

Thorne:
Oh don't be infantile! We're trying to build a new society!

Thorne:
You know, Joe, when our forefathers came to this country, they burned their ships on the shore. There was no turning back.

Doc:
Co-operation and graduation, that's our motto around here.

Thorne:
Study hard, citizen, and soon you will rejoin the general public.

Doc:
Joe, have you ever heard the story of the five blind men who came upon an elephant? One felt the legs and said "Ah! Elephants are very much like a tree." The next felt the trunk and said "An elephant is much like a snake." The third man felt the tusks and said "An elephant is very much like a spear." You know where I'm trying to get at?

Maximilian II:
They'll remember you as a murderer.

Thorne:
They'll remember me as a surgeon! A surgeon who cut a cancer from the State!

First Sergeant:
You going to wear a uniform today Prisoner 7?

Thorne:
You ask me that every morning.

First Sergeant:
I ask you that every morning, and every morning you say no. So, you going to wear a uniform?

Thorne:
No.

First Sergeant:
[Looks at the walls, smeared with Thorne's messages] You really are a pig. You know that, Thorne? A filthy f***ing pig. Give me the regular criminal any day. I've been thinking about it. When you going to give this silly sh*t up? Hm?

Joe:
They say I am a war criminal, but everything I did, I did for my country.

Joe:
This wasn't my first choice.

Thorne:
You wanna go fight terrorists?

Joe:
Yes, sir.

Thorne:
You don't approve of what we do?

Joe:
Officially, sir, I have no opinion.

Thorne:
Then you should look into getting one.

First Lady:
[has been told of another priest lighting himself on fire in protest] Is it really necessary to bother the president with the antics of these malcontents? We don't need to know every time there's a barbecue.

Maximilian II:
[Is being complimented by his aide on his basketball skills] Yeah, no, I was in the zone, what can I say?

Thorne:
Ladies and gentlemen of the court, look upon the face of evil.

Maximilian II:
[attempts to insult Thorne] We f***ed your wife before we killed her you know. She loved it. She squealed like the pig that she was. She dug her nails into my back, screaming for more.

Thorne:
Come. Anoint yourselves.

Joe:
I thought you said you'd never live in this gingerbread monstrosity.

Thorne:
Tell me about it. But I'm working all the time, it was easier for me to live here.

Joe:
Running a revolution keeps you busy huh?

Thorne:
You know it's nearly a full-time job. Give me just a minute will you? [Goes onto the computer at the desk] You know I don't know how anybody wrote anything before there were computers. Can you imagine the struggle that Dickens or Tolstoy must have gone through writing those nine hundred-page novels with a pen?

Joe:
As far as I recall, you once wrote with even less.

Joe:
How far does a man have to go to be thought so dangerous that he needs to be locked away, physically separated from the rest of the world, behind stone walls and iron bars? Clearly, it is a last resort.

First Sergeant:
[beating up Thorne] When are you going to give this silly sh*t up?

[first lines]

Anchorwoman:
So many fond memories of Maximilian the First on the tenth anniversary of our glorious leader's death.

Anchorman:
Many of course doubted that his son and heir, Maximilian II, could live up to the example of his charismatic father. But the man affectionately called Junior has valiantly continued against the pesky rebellion, led by the playwright turned terrorist, John Thorne.

Anchorwoman:
Once derided as the playboy Prince more interested in the movie business, the President-for-life announced today that he would not rest until he has rid the country of these criminals whom he called, quote, "Really bad guys". In a gesture of goodwill to the commemorate his father's memory, the President today also commuted the sentences of several men condemned to the gallows today, sending them to the guillotine instead.

Anchorman:
Papa would have been proud.

Joe:
From the start, Junior ruled in the shadow of his late father. Papa Max had been a Grade A son of a b*tch if ever there was one. Who would have thought we would look back on his reign as the good old days?

Jones:
Anybody can be made to talk, sir.

First Sergeant:
If I catch you bull shitting with the prisoners again, especially that prisoner, I'll beat you like a red-headed stepchild, and skull-f*** your corpse.

Maximilian II:
I am Maximilian the Second! I am the savior of the nation, I am the guardian of the people, I am the master of all the crawls upon the earth and swims in the sea. And you f***ers have f***ed me in the ass for the last time! I would like him [Thorne] eliminated, with extreme prejudice, like... like... Marlon Brando! Got it?

Maximilian II:
Chuck, I thought you were out on the islands.

Pool:
Ah well, Helen gave me the weekend off, sir.

Maximilian II:
What a ball-buster.

Joe:
For all his brutality, Papa Max was clever enough to make us believe that his tyranny was for our benefit. Junior, on the other hand, had been born day-old stupid and had been losing ground ever since.

Maximilian II:
You're not a basketball fan, are you Ted?

Jones:
Only during the playoffs, sir.

Maximilian II:
Because you're a big fag, that's why hm? Big fag... Naw I'm kidding, Ted, I'm kidding.

Jones:
Having priests killing themselves doesn't help us in the polls.

Actor from film #1:
[Has a gun to his head] I'll see you in hell!

Actor from film #2:
Save me a place in the shade! [Fires]

Editor:
Sir, will you have someone come in and refill my water dish?

Maximilian II:
Of course, Walter.

Negotiator:
Now about your son, you'll be glad to know that after a lengthy search of many years, we've finally succeeded in locating him. I assume you want to see him? Alive? It's a very simple proposition we're offering. We will guarantee the safety of your son, and will arrange regular visits, for you, with him.

Thorne:
In exchange for what?

Negotiator:
Just a few kind words on our behalf.

Thorne:
[after a pause] Go f*** yourself.

Thorne:
We all gave up something for a better world.

Joe:
You gave up your son.

Thorne:
D'you ever hear about the Oracle that warned Papa Max that one day his wife was gonna give birth to a son who was gonna kill him and destroy the empire?

Joe:
Yeah. I heard that.

Thorne:
And they wonder why Junior is a psychopath! You would be too if your father tried to stick a coat-hanger through your head when you were a fetus.

Skinny Comedian:
I don't know Beaurigard, what is the difference between an Italian mother-in-law and an elephant?

Fat Comedian:
The black dress!

Doc:
So are you going to do yourself a favour and sign the loyalty oath?

Joe:
No.

Doc:
I 'm a man of science Joe, and all this revolutionary mumbo-jumbo; I was hired to employ the scientific method. My job right now is to uncover the root of this conspiracy based on the evidence.

Joe:
You have evidence?

Doc:
No, that's how I know there's a conspiracy.

Joe:
What?

Doc:
If there wasn't a conspiracy there would be evidence, that's how effective the conspiracy is.