Laredo

Blue Dog:
[speaking of Riley] I'm gonna kill that Ranger.

Max Fender:
[throws his hands up after Chad shoots the branch over his head] I'd rather get took than shot.

[repeated line]

Reese Bennett:
Oh, them two. They done it to me again.

Max Vander:
[Thrusts his hands up after Chad shoots a tree branch next to him] I'd rather get took than shot.

Lazyfoot:
[to his staked-out prisoners] When the sun is high, you will sing a song of truth.

Jug Herriot:
So here we are in Laredo and there's nine of us and three of them... and this town is ripe. Nobody ever tried it before because there were to many Rangers here, but there ain't too many Rangers here now and the border is just a spit and a whistle away. I say let's take it! Let's clean out the town! Hmm?

Charlie Stamp:
Tom? Sam?

Jug Herriot:
All right, on one condition - I get Joe Riley.

Charlie Stamp:
I think I'd like to try Cooper.

Jug Herriot:
Heh-heh. Not on your best day, Charlie.

Charlie Stamp:
He's mine.

Jug Herriot:
Well, it's your hide. You, ah, want one of us to call his name so you get a better look at his back?

[Reese and Chad are watching a poker game]

Chad Cooper:
I knew a man in New Orleans once who won 83 hands in a row.

Reese Bennett:
Eighty-three in a row? Now that's hard to believe, Chad.

Chad Cooper:
The hard loser that shot him thought the same thing.

[seeing a man carry a woman's body into a barn, Reese races into action]

Reese Bennett:
Hey! What do you think you're doin'! Hey!

[the wax head of the 'body' falls off and rolls to Reese's feet]

Professor Smythe:
Where you rushing to Lady Hildegard's rescue? Most gallant. You should have been around when her husband stabbed her to death in the year 1666.

Ben Conrad:
Preacher, are you going to marry me or not?

Dudley Leicester:
I thought you were planning on marrying Miss Belleflower.

Newton Weekes:
[Dudley is pretending to be an itinerant preacher] Friends, this is Reverend Jones. Madam, if you think he looks young, he thinks old.

Dudley Leicester:
And this, brethren and sisteren, is one of my converts. When I found this unfortunate soul, he was nothing but a bum - a poor, penniless, drunken, no-good bum. Yes, it took a lot of time, but I finally showed him the error of his ways.

Chad Cooper:
Oh, and just one thing. If I were you, I wouldn't show my face around here for a while.

Dudley Leicester:
Nor any other portion of our anatomy, either.

[last lines]

Reese Bennett:
You mean them new rifles we been expectin'?

Captain Edward Parmalee:
Just open the case.

Reese Bennett:
Ah ha! A-ha-ha-ha! Ohhhh... Oh, no.

[Reese pulls a shovel from the wooden case]

Captain Edward Parmalee:
See you 'round the stables, boys.

Captain Edward Parmalee:
I said I might give you another chance under certain conditions.

Chad Cooper:
That's mighty kind of you, Captain.

Reese Bennett:
She was mighty persuasive, wasn't she, Captain.

Captain Edward Parmalee:
Persuasion had nothing to do with it. It just so happens I have an assignment that you three are eminently qualified for. It's a dirty, thankless job that nobody volunteered for and if you three think you can handle it...

Chad Cooper, Reese Bennett, Joe Riley:
Yes sir!

Captain Edward Parmalee:
You volunteering?

Chad Cooper, Reese Bennett, Joe Riley:
Yes sir!

Captain Edward Parmalee:
In that case you get first crack at the new equipment.

Reese Bennett:
Now, Captain, that ain't fair!

Captain Edward Parmalee:
Ain't fair? Aiding and abetting the escape of a wanted man; coming in here with a cockeyed collection of pious pervarications! You've pulled some slippery shenanigans in the past, but this is the topper! I ought to throw the book at you. If I hadn't promised Missy...

Joe Riley:
Ah ha...

Chad Cooper:
Oh ho...

[Captain Parmalee tells Reese, Chad and Joe exactly what happened at the Mabry ranch]

Reese Bennett:
Must be a mindreader.

Captain Edward Parmalee:
That presupposes there's a mind to be read!

[Captain Parmelee doesn't believe Reese's wild tale of how Lance Mabry died fighting train robbers]

Chad Cooper:
You and the Brothers Grimm.

Reese Bennett:
Well, I've ever heard of them jaspers. What are they wanted for?

[Joe is making a poultice for Jack's wound]

Missy Mabry:
Learn your doctorin' in school?

Joe Riley:
I never had much schoolin'. Learned this from a Mescalero medicine man.

Missy Mabry:
Papa says the Mescaleros are savages.

Joe Riley:
Some. Just like some white men.

Jack Mabry:
Let go of her!

[Missy continues to slap Chad's head and shoulders]

Chad Cooper:
Tell her to let go of me!

Chad Cooper:
What might your name be, young lady?

Missy Mabry:
It might be anything.

Chad Cooper:
Well, if I had me a little girl like you, I could think of a prettier name than that.

Reese Bennett:
[to Missy] You came that close to killin' me! Why I ought to take you across my knee and spank you for it!

[Missy c*cks her rifle and points it at Reese]

Chad Cooper:
Oh, you really scared her, Reese.

Reese Bennett:
[Reese draws his gun to attack Jack's house] Let's go!

Chad Cooper:
Now, Reese, that's a downright unfriendly way to go callin' on a fella.

Joe Riley:
He's liable to get a real unfriendly reception, too.

Reese Bennett:
Well, what kind of etiquette would you two use to go callin' on a train robber?

[first lines]

Chad Cooper:
Excuse me, but where are you two ladies headed that a couple of young gentlemen wouldn't improve the situation?

Renee:
Chad Cooper, take them fine manners elsewhere. I waited one whole hour for you last night!

Hollen:
[watching Waldo flog Reese] You have fun, Mr. Waldo.

Waldo:
I'll bend every effort.

Reese Bennett:
There ain't no A-rabs in Texas.