Lavender Hill Mob

Henry Holland:
I was a potential millionaire, yet I had to be satisfied with eight pounds, fifteen shillings, less deductions.

Henry Holland:
I sincerely trust so.

Henry Holland:
Where did we get?

Mrs. Chalk:
Duke Milligan was about to take a gander at Mickey the Greek's hideout.

Henry Holland:
Oh yes, here we are. "I handed my fedora to a hatcheck girl with all that Venus de Milo had got and then more, and I was admiring the more when I glimpsed something in the back of this frail that set my underwear creeping up on me like it had legs."

Mrs. Chalk:
I know that feeling well.

Henry Holland:
"A guy had soft-shoed out of the door from the gaming room as quiet as a snake on tip-belly, and I didn't need my case history of Smiling Abe Montana to know that sonny boy was his number-one triggerman, Ricky the Filipino."

Mrs. Chalk:
I thought it was Little Boy Shultz who carried the rod for Mr. Montana.

Henry Holland:
It was, Mrs. Chalk, but surely you remember? Montana found Shultz taking liberties with that lady.

Mrs. Chalk:
Yes, yes, they took him for a ride. Only last night, wasn't it? Oh, I must be getting old. Read on, Mr. Holland.

Pendlebury:
I propagate British cultural depravity.

Pendlebury:
By Jove, Holland, it's a good job we're both honest men.

Henry Holland:
It is indeed, Pendlebury.

Pendlebury:
Guns, yes. It's essential we're armed. Here we are. Here's yours.

Henry Holland:
Is it loaded?

Pendlebury:
Yes. It's a present from Margate. It fires a stick of rock.

Henry Holland:
I must apologize, gentlemen, for the somewhat informal manner in which we effected our introduction, but my colleague and I have a certain proposition which we'd like to put to you. I might almost call it a gilt-edged proposition, although paradoxically it does entail a measure of risk. However, when I quote the anticipated dividend, I'm sure that you will both agree with me that the...

Pendlebury:
Not another one, surely.

Henry Holland:
Tell him we're suited.

Turner:
Paris, eh? You're stepping out, Holland. Wonderful, isn't it, what a little extra money will do?

Henry Holland:
Yes, it's going to make a big difference to me.

Henry Holland:
You're teaching the wrong man!

Pendlebury:
Well, I had to change him over. Shorty can't ride a bicycle.

Henry Holland:
Doesn't look as if he can either.

Shorty:
We're learning him.

Henry Holland:
Why couldn't you learn Shorty?

Pendlebury:
Because Lackery's color-blind.

Henry Holland:
What's that got to do with it?

Pendlebury:
Oh my dear Holland, do use your intelligence! If a policeman were to come along and see a green sunset over a purple sea...

Henry Holland:
All right, all right, spare me the details.

Henry Holland:
A minute later, the guard will appear around this corner, and you, Pendlebury, will detain him for at least half a minute. Ask him for a light, ask him the way, ask him anything, but keep him there, we must have those thirty seconds.

Pendlebury:
Edgar.

Henry Holland:
I beg your pardon?

Pendlebury:
Isn't one supposed to say that when one's being briefed? On my rare visits to the cinema...

Henry Holland:
The word is "roger."

Pendlebury:
Oh, roger. How silly of me.

Shorty:
Okay, you're the boss.

Henry Holland:
Yes. Yes, that's right - I am.

Henry Holland:
I said leave it.

Lackery:
A ruddy waste! There's many a starving bloke'd be glad of that lot!

Pendlebury:
Well, you might as well know. I was lying. I am a thief. It was madness to attempt it. We weren't cut out for crime, either of us.

Pendlebury:
My partner and I.

Pendlebury:
Oh I make no excuses. All my life it's been my ambition to surround myself with rare and beautiful things. Suddenly faced with this golden opportunity...

Pendlebury:
Since you will keep on interrupting me, you ought to know it's a charming example of an early Rochet, while he was still under the influence of Corot.

Pendlebury:
Ten pound, to those who can afford it.

Mrs. Chalk:
But surely you must have some suspicion. Who work the heist rackets in this territory?

Mrs. Chalk:
Oh really! I can't make myself much plainer. Which hoodlums around here specialize in toby jobs?

Henry Holland:
Our firstborn.

Pendlebury:
Now it's all over, I suppose I may dare say it's been a most remarkable coup.

Shorty:
The biggest job of its kind since One-Eyed Dobson got away with the GIs' pay packets. Two million dollars, Grosvenor Square, 'forty-five.

Henry Holland:
That was before devaluation. And this is one million pounds.

Shorty:
Oh, that's right. Blimey. We've got the record!

Shorty:
I didn't like to say so, but I don't really fancy going to Paris meself.

Henry Holland:
Why?

Shorty:
Well a friend of mine, he pinched a couple of tickets for the Test Match, see? I wouldn't half like to see that.

Henry Holland:
Pendlebury.

Pendlebury:
Yeah?

Henry Holland:
Pendlebury.

Pendlebury:
What?

Henry Holland:
May I call you Alfred?

Pendlebury:
Alfred? Call me Al. And I'll call you... Henry, isn't it.

Henry Holland:
A name I never cared for.

Pendlebury:
Hm?

Henry Holland:
Mm. Call me Dutch.

Pendlebury:
Dutch. Yes.

Pendlebury:
Good night, Dutch.

Henry Holland:
Good night, Al.

Pendlebury:
Ah, "gay, sprightly, land of mirth and social ease."

Henry Holland:
Instead of changing as usual at Charing Cross, I came straight on to Rio de Janeiro. "Gay, sprightly, land of mirth and social ease." Pendlebury.

Henry Holland:
Twenty-five thousand pounds. Enough to keep me for one year in the style to which I was, ah, unaccustomed.

Henry Holland:
There's nothing to laugh at!

Pendlebury:
Oh, sadist torturers! Money.

Pendlebury:
There!

Pendlebury:
Count it!

Pendlebury:
Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these - it might have been.

Turner:
The trouble with you, Holland, is that you haven't enough ambition.

Lackery:
Bellamy's? In Bromley?

Shorty:
That's right. Last June. Twelver.

Lackery:
I was casing that joint the night you got pinched.

Shorty:
Well, what do you know? Shorty Fisher.

Lackery:
Nice to meet you.

Pendlebury:
Excuse me, I may be a bit slow but do I understand that in fact, you two are both professional criminals?

Shorty:
Well, what else do you take us for, rutty snoopers?

Lackery:
What's the setup?

Pendlebury:
Run. Run, Dutch. Run.

Henry Holland:
Mr. Richards, with gold at 240 shillings per fine ounce, that particle, estimating its value at, .025, would entail a loss at approximately six shillings.