Legally Blonde: The Musical

Greek Chorus:
[after Elle is dumped by Warner] Daughter of Delta Nu, sweetheart it's been 12 days. Please let us help you through...

Margot:
She's eating Milky Ways!

Pilar:
Uh uh! Tell me those are fun sized! I think he should be shot!

Serena:
And let me tell you what, I don't think he's that hot.

Margot:
I do!

Serena:
Well you're a slut!

Margot:
Look who is talking!

Pilar:
Uh uh. 3 words, spring break, Cabo! I saw her!

Elle Woods:
Snap it out!

Serena:
Elle, this is a tragedy. And every tragedy needs... a Greek Chorus!

Serena:
Muffy Vanderbilt

Margot, Pilar, Serena:
Hahaha Muffy!

Elle Woods:
This is the kind of girl Warner wants. Someone serious. Someone lawerly. Someone who wears black when nobody's dead!

Elle Woods:
I'll meet him there at Harvard with a book in my hand. Big sturdy book, big wordy book, full of words I'll understand.

Pforzhiemer:
She has a letter of recommendation from Oprah Winfrey!

Carlos:
We should admit her, for reasons of...

Carlos, Pforzhiemer:
Multiculturalism!

Winthrop:
This is Harvard Law, not Match.com!

Vivienne Kensington:
Aren't there girls going wild somewhere without you?

Elle Woods:
Girls I'm positive we've taken this too far. No, I'm positive, this is Harvard, not a stripper bar.

Elle Woods:
Thanks for the great tip on the costume party Vivian. I see you came as last years sample sale.

Emmett Forrest:
You drink a lot of Red Bull don't you?

Elle Woods:
[yelling from behind a wall] It gives me energy!

Emmett Forrest:
Can you live without this? Can you live without that? I don't know what this is...

Elle Woods:
It's for hair!

Emmett Forrest:
Wear a hat!

Emmett Forrest:
[refering to Red Bull] What is this, my second, my third, I don't know, but I am loving it!

Elle Woods:
Seeing my name in black and white, it's like making love with you all night. No wait, it feels so much better, hello much beter, it's Oh, oh, oh, oh, OHHH! Much better!

Brooke Wyndham:
What does not kill us makes us hotter!

Professor Callahan:
Brooke has trouble trusting me, I'm her only chance to win, but I don't speak MTV.

Professor Callahan:
[to Emmett and Elle] I'd rather not see "Ratty Corduroy" or "Legally Blonde" again today.

Emmett Forrest:
What is this place?

Elle Woods:
A department store.

Emmett Forrest:
It's beautiful!

Brooke Wyndham:
[to Callahan] I said "You're fired"

Serena:
Ohmigod! It's so Apprentice! "You're fired!"

Margot:
That show got cancelled!

Paulette:
What's she got that you don't got? Three b*obs?

Elle Woods:
She's serious.

Paulette:
Seriously, does she have three b*obs?

Kyle:
The name's Kyle. This is my new route, and the first stop of the day. Kinda cool karma, huh?

Paulette:
Oh my go - The new UPS guy is like walkin' porn.

Elle Woods:
Paulette, are you ready?

Paulette:
I don't know, Elle! Dewey scares the crap outta me!

Elle Woods:
Channel that fear! Remember! You are a strong independent woman and you must be reunited with your dog.

Emmett Forrest:
Anyone who bakes their dog a birthday cake deserves nothing less.

Paulette:
Oh! And it's shaped like a BONE!

Elle Woods:
And that kind of devotion cannot be ignored.

Paulette:
Well, it's not easy to find dog-friendly chocolate substitutes. [knocks on trailer]

Dewey:
Who in the - [leans out window] Oh, crap, not you again. Paulette. Get your fat ass off'n my property.

Paulette:
Dewey! I wanna see my dog! I gotta right! And I bet you didn't even know it's his birthday today! [shows him the cake]

Dewey:
[leans back in window] Oh, it's your birthday, it's your birthday! Well, you can't see him, jellygut. [takes the cake] Best decision I ever made was throwin' you out!

Paulette:
AAARGH! [stomps feet] Can you believe I lived with that for ten years! And that cheapskate never even bought me a ring!

Brooke Wyndham:
[after being released from jail] Ohmigod it's a dream come true. I just knew I could count on you. And no one had to know that I had liposuction on my thighs!

Emmett Forrest:
Did you actually think I'd let you get away?

Kyle:
I've got a package...

Elle Woods:
I don't HAVE to be right, when I'm with you I just am.

Professor Callahan:
You know, if you're wrong, we look desperate and homophobic!

Elle Woods:
Well... my name is Elle Woods, and I came all the way out here for Harvard Law School...

Paulette:
Well, that's a good school!

Elle Woods:
I know! Right?

Elle Woods:
I'm a Gemini with a double Capricorn moon. I have a bachelors degree in Fashion Merchandising from UCLA where I was Sigma Sweetheart and president of Delta Nu sorority and founded the charity 'Shop for a Cause'. Oh, and just last week I talked Beyonce out of buying a truly heinous cable-knit tube top! Whoever said tangerine was the new pink was seriously disturbed!

Kyle:
[to Paulette and Elle] Do me a favor? Have yourself a super day!

[when Elle needs someone to supervise]

Emmett Forrest:
I'm licensed, your honor, I'll gladly supervise

Professor Callahan:
Like hell you will, you work for me, remember?

Emmett Forrest:
No, I work for myself. And I don't have to hit on interns, Professor.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you."

-Professor Callahan

Elle! Whoa, what's up... Doc?