Lizzie McGuire

Jo McGuire:
Well, I can't speak for Lanny.

Sam McGuire:
Somebody's got to.

Lizzie:
Time for go to bed.

Miranda:
[Interrupting Lizzie] You weren't thinking about putting Ethan and Larry in the same sentence?

Gordo:
You just did.

Gordo:
[to Lizzie] Parents scrape and sacrifice to provide us with shelter, support and guidance, and in return, we have as little to do with them as possible. It's nature's law.

Miranda:
Yeah. It's like you come home and they ask, "What did you do today?" and we say "Mmm, nothing." And they ask, "Well, what are you doing tonight?" 'n we say, "I dunno!" And they ask, "Why don't you ever talk to us?" We say, "Why can't you just leave me alone!" And you run upstairs.

Gordo:
As little communication as possible. It prepares us for marriage.

Gordo:
Yeah, well, there's lots of weird stuff in this world - tofu bacon, hairless cats, country music.

Miranda:
You smell like a... a pine tree.

Gordo:
That's because I'm wearing a car air freshener.

[he takes it out from under his T-shirt and shows it to her]

[animated Lizzie:
as Lizzie gets mouth-to-mouth from Larry Tudgeman]

Lizzie:
[screaming] Let me die!

Lizzie McGuire:
Is there anything Ethan can't do?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Yeah, count past ten without taking his shoes off.

Jo McGuire:
My grandparents came here from Poland during World War II. My grandfather worked in an assemble line in the candy factory, and my grandmother worked in a hospital, making beds.

Matt McGuire:
Interesting. [pauses] Please tell me you've got something better than that? PLEASE!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
You guys are part of the problem, you know. You buy into the whole tall guy thing. And look at who you have a crush on - Ethan Craft!

Miranda Sanchez:
We don't like him because he's tall!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Why, then? Because he's smart?

Lizzie McGuire:
What do you do when the person with the answers is the person with the problem?

Matt McGuire:
Lanny's not talking to me.

Sam McGuire:
How can you tell?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I like who I am. I just wanna be taller.

Lizzie McGuire:
And I like who I am, but I'd like to be Britney Spears. But it's not gonna happen.

Lizzie McGuire:
Gordo, you're smart, and you're funny, and a little weird sometimes. But I wouldn't like you any other way.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Thanks. [they hug] So, you wanna go to the dance with me?

Lizzie McGuire:
Actually, no, I don't really date guys with... blue eyes.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I see. [hits her playfully with a pillow]

Lizzie McGuire:
...but I guess just this once, I'll make a little exception. [hits him back with the pillow]

Parker McKenzie:
Look, I'm sorry.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Sorry for what?

Parker McKenzie:
For calling you short!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I am short.

Parker McKenzie:
I think I came to the dance with the wrong person.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Really? 'Cause I didn't.

Lizzie McGuire:
[animated version] Gordo two - Parker zip.

Gordo:
[after learning that Aaron Carter is coming to town] So this would probably be more exciting if I was a thirteen-year-old girl.

[Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda are planning to sneak into the warehouse where Aaron Carter's video is being shot]

Lizzie:
Remember, act like you own the place.

Miranda:
[excited] Aaron Carter walked on this ground! I'm never wearing these shoes again!

[she takes off her shoes]

Gordo:
That's not acting like you own the place!

Jo McGuire:
[to Gordo and Miranda] You guys gonna stay for dinner?

Gordo:
Mrs. McGuire, have we *ever* turned down a free meal?

Jo McGuire:
I'll take that as a "yes."

Lizzie:
[after falling over in the cafeteria and spill all her food] Forget lunch! Forget eating!

Miranda:
The cafeteria food is not that bad.

Gordo:
You know, you could save that stuff on your shirt for later.

Gordo:
What's in the bag?

Matt McGuire:
Do you guys have a plan?

Miranda:
Yeah.

Matt McGuire:
Then this is for when your plan fails.

Miranda:
Aaron Carter walked this ground! I'm not wearing these shoes again. [takes them off]

Gordo:
This is not acting like we own the place.

Lizzie:
Who are you going as? Santa Claus?

Matt McGuire:
No.

Lizzie:
[watching Matt pulling stuff out of his bag] Those are my pants!

Matt McGuire:
I'm going as Aaron Carter. [puts on a blonde wig]

Lizzie:
Aaron Carter's personal pass?

Gordo:
How are we gonna get Aaron Carter's personal pass?

Miranda:
[holds it up] Aaron Carter's personal pass!

Gordo:
Then I guess this must be Aaron Carter's dressing room. Again, this would be a lot more exciting if I was a thirteen-year-old girl.

Lizzie:
Miranda, you may be able to talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk.

Ethan:
Yeah, 'cause you know what, I can walk and talk!

Mr. Dig:
All I have is 43 cents and a bus token.

Matt McGuire:
43 cents and a bus token, 43 cents and a bus token? Ok.

Larry Tudgeman:
I love it when you're angry!

Miranda Sanchez:
[pushing Larry away] 2 feet!

Mr. Dig:
I'm going to give you a life enriching interactive test extravaganza!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[to Lizzie and Miranda] I like the sound of that! [suddenly realizing they are not talking]... he said to himself...

Kate Sanders:
I thought we were in the lead?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Well, we would have been, if we didn't have to stop and buy sweaters.

Kate Sanders:
Two words, Gordo: Half off!

Kate Sanders:
Gordo! Friends like those are harder to find than jeans that fit right!

Miranda Sanchez:
So... No A?

Lizzie:
No A.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Well, that's okay. 'Cause there's no A in friendship! Though, Ethan thought there was. [Lizzie and Miranda laugh]

Miranda:
[sarcastically] Great. A pop quiz.

Gordo:
[sincerely and excitedly] Great! A pop quiz! I love the smell of pop quizzes in the morning!

Angel Lieberman:
What planet are you from again, Gor-dork?

Lizzie:
[to Gordo and Miranda at the detention hall] Isn't this the part where you're supposed to offer me comfort, guidance, I mean, anything? I am about to get killed!

[Lizzie is a little frustrated that she is constantly viewed as just being a good girl]

Lizzie:
Hey, I'm not such a good girl all the time. Am I?

Gordo:
Sorry, Lizzie, but you're kinda the good girl prototype.

Angel Lieberman:
Hey, Frizz, did you get the answers for the test from Gor-dork?

Lizzie:
A: My name is "Lizzie, not "Frizz!" B: Gordo's no dork, he is one of my best friends, and C: I don't cheat!

Matt:
You're really dumb.

Lizzie:
Sometimes it might seem that way.

Matt:
No, you really are.

Jo McGuire:
Matt, you're supposed to be home when the street lights come on, and the street lights have been on for... [looks at the clock]... exactly seven minutes!

Miranda:
[to Gordo] Where is Lizzie? She never misses lunch. It's her favorite class!

Gordo:
[to Lizzie] You must be suffering from post-traumatic detention syndrome.

Miranda Sanchez:
I don't feel like "Most..." anything.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
That's what Kate wants you to think. So that you'll never even try. It's a way of maintaining the "status quo".

Lizzie McGuire:
"Status quo"?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
It means Kate wants to keep things the way they are.

Miranda Sanchez:
Why didn't you just say that?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I did.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
All you have to do is be better dressed than Kate and Claire for this one day.

Miranda Sanchez:
And win "Best dressed"! You can break the "status cow"!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
"Quo".

Miranda Sanchez:
Whatever!

Sam McGuire:
I remember Coco. She was hot.

Jo McGuire:
She was not hot. She was just well dressed.

Jo McGuire:
You used all the paper on copies of your picture?

Matt McGuire:
They're not for me. They're for my fans.

Lizzie McGuire:
I don't have enough money to buy the pants in the first place.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Well, how much are they?

Lizzie McGuire:
Well, sixty-five dollars, but I've only saved up ten.

Miranda Sanchez:
Well, I got thirty dollars for my birthday. [they both look at Gordo, who walks a few steps before stopping]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[pauses] Fine, I've got thirty dollars too.

Matt:
[to Gordo] You are *way* too cool to be Lizzie's friend.

Lizzie:
I WANT A BRA OK! WE, WE WANT A BRA!

[Lizzie has just blurted out to her mother that she and Miranda want to go to the mall to buy their first bras. Gordo is a little freaked out by this revelation]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Mrs. McGuire, suddenly I don't want to go with you guys to the mall anymore.

Jo McGuire:
That's okay. You're uninvited.

[Jo walks off with Lizzie and Miranda]

Sam McGuire:
Well, how about those, um, Mets? Huh?

Matt:
I don't care. I'm just glad we're not doing anything that has to do with bras.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I have to go home and do something. Anything. Anything but this.

[Matt is entering a contest to become Jet Li's sidekick in his new movie. Sam wanted him to write an essay but Matt prefers Gordo's suggestion that they make a video and send it in]

Gordo:
Where's Matt?

Sam McGuire:
He's getting ready. I've got some interview questions for ya.

[hands Gordo the pad that he was writing on]

Gordo:
[reading the questions] "What's your name?", "How old are you?", "Where do you go to school?"

[Gordo looks unimpressed]

Sam McGuire:
[smiles] That is my absolute favourite.

Gordo:
These are *really* great questions, Mr. McGuire, but there -there are other ways we could go.

[Matt jumps out and does a bad Kung Fu move]

Gordo:
Looking good, Matt. So, what I was thinking is that we shoot a couple of cool establishing shots. Matt raking in the Zen garden...

Sam McGuire:
We don't have a Zen garden. And what about my questions?

Gordo:
[trying to be polite] The questions aren't very...

Matt:
[shouts] Bor-ing!

Matt:
[about David Carradine] Hey, who was that guy?

Sam McGuire:
Let's just say he's like a brother to me.

[the gang are talking on the phone]

Lizzie:
I can't believe you spent all afternoon with Matt and my dad.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Hey, Matt and your dad are pretty cool. We made a kung fu movie, and considering the alternative, I'd say it was a good choice.

Lizzie:
Well, I don't think we'll have any girl only shopping trips for quite a while.

Miranda Sanchez:
Yeah, Gordo, it's safe to go with us to the mall again.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Cool. But when you start talking about shopping for school supplies, let me know when you mean school supplies or... school... supplies. [Lizzie and Miranda laughs]

Sam McGuire:
[after a pipe in Matt's room bursts, he has to sleep in Lizzie's room] Well where do you expect him to sleep Lizzie; to curl up on the floor?

Lizzie:
Of course not on the floor, there's room in the closet.

Lizzie:
Get that poster off of there!

Matt:
But it's Weird Al! He's WAY cool!

Lizzie:
Yeah, but if he keeps bothering me, he's going to come down as Shredded Al. You got that?

Matt:
Mom, Lizzie turned off my alarm.

Lizzie:
I don't like alarms, they wake me up!

Lizzie:
Mom, I don't have time for this! Yearbooks come out today and I'm gonna have to write "You rock, don't ever change" like 800 times.

Lizzie:
[voiceover] Only most of these people *don't* rock and I think they *should* change. Does that make me a bad person?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[looking in the yearbook] Hey, look, it's... Oh. Whatever.

Lizzie:
What? Where? [sees her own picture] Uh! On the floor?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Uh...

Lizzie:
Great. It's imprinted what a klutz I am.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Well, no one falls to the floor quite as gracefully as you.

Lizzie:
[smiles] Thanks.

[Larry comes from behind Lizzie and Gordo and looks over their shoulder, seeing a picture of their foodfight]

Larry Tudgeman:
Yeah, that pudding sure was good.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[laughs slightly] Tudgeman.

Lizzie:
You know, I didn't think about how scary high school was gonna be.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
But you'll always have your friends.

Lizzie:
Except when we're fighting. [flashback to a "catfight" between Lizzie and Miranda]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Yeah, and we did a lot of that. But whenever it got bad between the three of us, we always forgave each other. [flashback to a moment where the three of them ride toward and forgive each other] And who else could help bring me back from the dark side? [flashback to an especially obsessed Gordo, who is intervented by Lizzie, Miranda and Matt] Or dived in front of paint for someone? [flashback to when Lizzie dived in front of Miranda and took a lot of paint on her body] You're a good friend, Lizzie. You're even good to your enemies. And a person who would support me when I was trying to discover who I am... Lizzie, you're just great. And I'm very lucky to have a friend like you. Look, Lizzie... We got through middle school together, and we'll get through high school together. Don't worry about these stupid rules, or cheerleaders, or trying to find your classes... Don't worry. I've got your back, McGuire. [Lizzie gives him a big smile]

Kate Sanders, Ethan Craft:
[before the class photo] How is my hair? Good.

[last lines]

Lizzie:
Gordo, promise that we'll always stay close to each other, even in high school.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.

Photographer:
One... two... three! [takes the picture. We then get a close up on the class photo, where Lizzie kisses Gordo on the cheek]

Ethan's Stepmom:
Great! I inherit everything

Ethan Craft:
My father's dead.

Ethan's Stepmom:
Yes! I inherit everything!

Ethan Craft:
Tonni, not my real dad. The one in the murder mystery.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
And I'm Penelope Featherstone. The blushing maiden Clyde's making his own? Can I choose again?

Ethan Craft:
Instead of clowns, there's evil.

Ethan's Stepmom:
Oo! I found a clue, I found a clue! I found a shoe!

Ethan Craft:
Uhh, Tonni. That's your shoe.

Lizzie McGuire:
[animated Lizzie] Oh, no. Ethan's the smart one in his family.

Jo McGuire:
Shrimp?

Ethan's Stepmom:
Uh, uh. I'm 5'10" in heels.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
It must be something in the water at Ethan's house.

Lizzie McGuire:
I didn't know it until I found this thousand-pound note.

Ethan Craft:
That little piece of paper weighs a thousand pounds?

Larry Tudgeman:
No, it's British money. A pound is like a dollar. Why am I even bothering to explain this?

Larry Tudgeman:
I always thought I was born in the wrong time period. It probably would've been the third age of middle earth.

Veruca Albano:
Oh, I was thinking more of the '60s, but yours is good too.

Jo McGuire:
That's it! I did it and I'd do it again. McGuffin promised to marry me, but he cheated on me. He cheated it all straights and he cheated on his taxes! He's a monster, a louser, and I'm glad he's dead. I'm happy about it don't you see? He's dead! He's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead. I'm happy about it!

Sam McGuire:
Honey, honey.

Jo McGuire:
Wa-? Oh... well. Gordo caught me.

Matt McGuire:
Don't anybody touch anything! I am Inspector Pratt and I am here to inspect!

Lizzie McGuire:
Matt, what are you doing here?

Matt McGuire:
I just wanted to see who croaked dad!

Lizzie McGuire:
Well, you can do that somewhere else, like in the Sahara Desert?

Matt McGuire:
Mom!

Jo McGuire:
Lizzie, let your bother play.

Lizzie McGuire:
Ow!

Matt McGuire:
I think I'll go study this in the parlor.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
He won this from none other than... the maid.

Ethan's Stepmom:
Which one was that again?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Mrs. McGuire?

Ethan Craft:
Come on Tonni. You're embarrassing me.

[after Lizzie and Miranda ask for Gordo's help to improve their Rat Pack style]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
There were lots of songs called "Leave Me Alone." People used to wear "I Couldn't Care Less." And their favorite food was "Good Bye!"

Gordo:
Dear Lizzie- I think I may like my best friend as... more then a friend. What do I do? Signed, Confused Guy.

Lizzie:
Dear Confused- I wish I could tell you what to do, but, I can't. All I can say is, follow your heart. It'll tell you what's right.

Lizzie:
You're looking at the school's new advice columnist, Gordo.

Gordo:
You? You don't give advice, you take it!

Lizzie:
[as animated version] Oh, I've got plenty of advice. Just none that I can say out loud. [back to reality] Oh, but that's where you're wrong. And my first piece of advice is for you to let me have the job, because if I don't take it, Ms. Dew will.

Gordo:
[quickly] You're hired.

Mr. Dig:
[talking about different cultures and what's beautiful] The Chinese prize tiny feet, Middle Eastern cultures are fascinated with the eyes, and some African tribes like elongated necks and large earlobes.

Larry Tudgeman:
Eew, that's weird!

Mr. Dig:
Maybe to you, Larry, but women in Eastern Africa would find you pale and oddly dressed.

Gordo:
That's how the woman here find him.

Mr. Dig:
Let's welcome our new student, Li Tarak. Li, tell us something about yourself.

Li Tarak:
A-again, sorry?

Mr. Dig:
I mean, can you tell us something about Indonesia.

Li Tarak:
Oh, yes. I am from Indonesia.

Lizzie McGuire:
Mom, dad, can I ask you guys a question?

Jo McGuire:
Sure.

Lizzie McGuire:
Where did I come from?

Jo McGuire:
Well, I'm from Wala Wala, Washington.

Sam McGuire:
And I'm from Kalamazoo.

Lizzie McGuire:
[animated Lizzie] Face it. My parents are aliens.

Lizzie McGuire:
No, not like that. I mean where did our family come from.

Jo McGuire:
I'm Polish, Swedish, French, Swiss, German, Hungarian and all the countries with heavy food. And you're what Scottish or Irish?

Holly:
I'm really, really, really glad to be here. But I'm really, really, really bummed that my term is over. And I'm really, really, really pysched to announce to you our new class president. [opens envelope; wide-eyed] Larry Tudgeman? Aww... I think I'm gonna be really, really, really sick. [Larry comes to the podium to hug her, but she runs off]

Gordo:
[to Mr. Dig] I think we should study the old-fashioned way, you know, where you read books and memorize facts.

Miranda:
Where you turn into an old, worried man at 13?

Gordo:
I am not an old man!

[he gets a chair to sit down and accidentally hurts his back when he leans down]

Lizzie McGuire:
Woah. What happened to you guys?

Kate:
I got bit to death by sand fleas!

Claire Miller:
I stepped on a stupid sea urchin.

Larry Tudgeman:
[trying to speak through clenched teeth] I got so sunburned, my teeth hurt.

Gordo:
Sorry I'm late, I was getting you guys some doughnuts.

Miranda:
So, where are they?

Gordo:
Oh, I ate them.

[on the phone with Miranda, paperboy next to her]

Lizzie:
Are you listening to me?

Ronny Jacobs:
I'm sorry, I forgot to turn off my ears.

Lizzie:
Look around, Gordo. Notice anything.

Gordo:
Yeah. Everyone's paired off. It's like Noah's Arc, but with fluorescent lighting.

Matt:
Well, Malina has the baseball card I want but she'll only give it to me if I meet her demands.

Sam McGuire:
That's extortion.

Jo McGuire:
That's brilliant.

Gordo:
I guess I never thought about what it would be like when Lizzie had a boyfriend.

Miranda:
What are you... jealous?

Gordo:
What? No, no, no, no. Wrong road. I was trying to identify a different emotion... not jealousy...

[Miranda walks to class]

Gordo:
I think.

Lizzie:
[talking to her boyfriend, Ronnie on the phone] No, you hang up first, you first...

[Miranda clicks the phone off and Lizzie says to Miranda]

Lizzie:
HEY!

Miranda:
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were talking to me!

Miranda:
[as she puts a cookie on her notebook] Lizzie, this is your brain... and this is your brain...

[Miranda smashes the cookie]

Miranda:
ON RONNIE!

Lizzie:
Ronnie broke up with me.

Gordo:
He's a loser.

Lizzie:
No, Gordo. I'm the loser. Okay? He likes another girl. She's probably prettier than me, she's probably smarter than me, and she's probably a lot more fun than I am.

Gordo:
No, she's not.

Lizzie:
How do you know?

Gordo:
Because there's nobody prettier than you, or more fun to be with.

Lizzie:
You forgot smarter.

Gordo:
Yeah, well, I was including myself in that one.

[as animated Lizzie]

Lizzie McGuire:
[looks at an "x-ray" of Gordo's head] Yikes! Okay, I see what the problem is. Gordo died a few weeks ago and didn't bother to tell us.

Lizzie McGuire:
We just don't want you to play "Dwarflord" anymore. Okay? It's taken over your life.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
It has not.

Miranda Sanchez:
Uh, has so!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I sware on the sacred shield of O.N. Thundereater, it has not! [Lizzie and Miranda look at him] Alright, maybe that didn't sound so good.

Matt McGuire:
["torturing" Gordo] This is a version of therapy. The thing you like causes you pain. Therefore you don't like it anymore.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
What are the wires for?

Matt McGuire:
Well, the wires are for... absolutely nothing. They just look pretty cool.

Matt McGuire:
The crisis has passed. My work here is done. [bows solemnly and leaves]

Miranda Sanchez:
[yelling into Gordo's ear] Dwarflord!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Ow!

Miranda Sanchez:
Just checking.

Lizzie McGuire:
Hello! Hi there! Hey! I'm your best friend, remember? Over here! Oh, crud... It's useless.

Lizzie McGuire:
[to Miranda] See, here's the part that get me all confutious... Not that Gordo has a girlfriend - but that Gordo is somebody's boyfriend!

Miranda Sanchez:
Does he honestly think we don't know? We saw them kissing!

Lizzie McGuire:
Maybe they were just talking really close.

Miranda Sanchez:
That wasn't talking.

Lizzie McGuire:
Maybe she had a smudge on her mouth, or something...

Miranda Sanchez:
That he was trying to get off with his lips?

Lizzie McGuire:
This is the longest I've ever gone without talking to Gordo since he deliberately smushed my brownie in the third grade.

Miranda Sanchez:
How long did the fight last then?

Lizzie McGuire:
Until the bus ride home.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
So, interesting wardrobe choice last night, Miranda. Oh, I'm sorry, I should say "Mirando".

[Talking about never growing up]

Miranda:
Oh, like Peter Pan! Clap if you believe!

Lizzie McGuire:
Must be something in the water. I mean, first Ethan, now Larry...

Miranda:
You're not actually gonna use Ethan and Larry in the same sentence, are you?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
You just did. [Miranda looks resigned]

Jo McGuire:
Hey, Mrs. Robinson... [notices that Mrs. Robinson is holding Matt after his collar] Matt, what did you do this time?

Matt McGuire:
It's all a misunderstanding...

Mrs. Robinson:
He was stealing oranges from my tree. Again!

Sam McGuire:
Is this true, Matt?

Matt McGuire:
Well, "stealing" is such a... strong word!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Today is important, for a lot of different reasons. But mostly because today, I leave my childhood behind and become a man. Now, the truth is, I could have marked this transition a million different ways. And believe me, I've considered most of them. But I knew that whenever I did, it had to be right for me. So I searched and I questioned, and I heard lots of stories from many men. Funny thing is... the person I learned most about, was me. And I realized that figuring out who I am was made easier by realizing who I'm not. So why this Bar Mitzvah, and not a tattoo? Or fishing? Or even a dirt bike? The answer is simple: because this is what felt right to me.

Matt McGuire:
Hey, Dad! Do we have a blow torch?

Sam McGuire:
Son, you're not jumping through a ring of fire.

Miranda Sanchez:
Why don't they just set up a big sign in this school that says: "Loser Farm" and be done with it? Everyone looks up to the jocks and the cheerleaders. We're a bunch of stuck up dirts! We're gonna end up working at the drive through at Burglar Button. I mean, it's this whole place! It's the way people say one thing to your face, and another behind your back. It's the way that the cafeteria serves us like circus animals. I just get the feeling that nobody's being honest here, that everybody's afraid to let everybody else know the truth about them. Let's face it... It's a school full of fakes. But it's not so bad if you've got really great friends.

Sam McGuire:
C'mon, Gordo. It's 5:30, rise and shine!

Gordo:
5:30? You rise. You shine.

Lizzie:
His parents told me he's really cranky in the mornings.

Gordo:
I love the mornings. This is the middle of the night.

Matt McGuire:
I did. I won me a Grubby doll!

Grubby Longjohn:
[Matt pulls the string of the Grubby doll] There's somethin' wrong with the chillie!

Matt McGuire:
[hugging the doll] Eeeehhhh!

Clementine:
We were starting to worry you wouldn't show.

Gordo:
Not show? Hey, I always show. I'm Mr. Show Up. You know, reliable Gordo. That's... that's what they call me! But... not too reliable, not so reliable that I'm *boring* or anything. You know, just the right amount of reliability...

[to Miranda]

Gordo:
You want to take over the conversation? I'm drowning here!

[Matt has a long speech about all the things he wants to get in Grubby Gulch before they leave]

Gordo:
Are we there yet?

Clementine:
Who's your friend, Cory? [Gordo doesn't answer at once. Lizzie pokes him]

Gordo:
Uh... Gordo. The name's Gordo. [pauses] Wow. Clementine. Even worse than Hezekiah.

Clementine:
Clementine is my real name.

Lizzie:
We have to enjoy ourselves.

Miranda Sanchez:
Why?

Gordo:
But more importantly... How?

[the students are taking part in a social studies project involving a mock marriage arrangement. Lizzie and Gordo are paired off and pick their occupations out of a fishbowl]

Gordo:
I'm Gordo the Garbage Man. My wife's a lawyer and I pick up trash.

Gordo:
Trash is gold, stinky gold but gold nonetheless.

Lizzie:
Whatever.

Gordo:
C'mon, Lizzie, gimme a hand here. You want the perfect marriage but you've been making zero effort.

Lizzie:
Gordo, quit nagging me!

Gordo:
Nagging you? I wouldn't have to nag you if you paid attention to me!

Lizzie:
Yeah, I would listen to you if you talked about something other than garbage!

Gordo:
Like what?

Lizzie:
Miranda and Ethan.

Gordo:
Hmm.

[he nods. He looks a little hurt and rejected]

[at the mock 20th anniversary reunion, Lizzie is dressed in a suit while Gordo is wearing a garbageman's uniform]

Lizzie:
I can't believe you're wearing that!

Gordo:
I'm a trashman. I'm proud of where I come from.

Lizzie:
Don't you care if we win?

Gordo:
No, I don't. Not any more. I care that ever since we got married, you've just seemed annoyed by me. I care that I feel like my best friend is taking me for granted.

[Lizzie is jealous because in a mock marriage arrangement in social studies class, Miranda has been paired with Ethan Craft while she is paired with Gordo. Her "husband" is telling her about the trash empire he plans to create but she is too busy looking at Miranda and Ethan. Gordo realises this and becomes annoyed]

Gordo:
You know, Lizzie, I know we're best friends, but sometimes it feels like you take me for granted...

[she still doesn't pay attention to him]

Gordo:
...like now!

Lizzie:
What?

Gordo:
[annoyed] How do you think that makes me feel? We've been married less than a period and you're already jealous of someone else's husband!

Ethan:
"Surgeon"... that's like a doctor, right?

Matt McGuire:
Women. You can't live with them, you can't let them know where your cave is.

Gordo:
[on the phone with the girls] My trash empire could have been something big. [the girls snort and hang up on him] Hello? Hello?

Lizzie, Miranda Sanchez:
Guys.

Gordo:
Chicks.

[Lizzie was asked to represent the school at a rhythmic gymnastics meet. She was reluctant at first until Gordo and Miranda convinced her to do it but for their own reasons]

Gordo:
We can't push Lizzie into doing something shameful just because I want to make a documentary and you want to one-up Kate.

Miranda:
We can't?

[Gordo gives her a disapproving look]

Miranda:
Okay. We can't. You're right.

[they sit down on the grass]

Gordo:
Being humiliated during puberty can have deep and lasting psychological consequences.

Miranda:
[smiles] You've been into your dad's shrink files again, haven't you?

Gordo:
His Tuesday at 3:30 is *really* scary!

[she laughs and shakes her head]

Lizzie McGuire:
English test grades are up.

Miranda:
Another B?

Lizzie McGuire:
What else? [Gordo turns his camera from Miranda to her] I'm so sick of getting B's! I want an A at something.

Gordo:
You can be an actress. You look pretty good through the camera.

Lizzie McGuire:
You think?

Gordo:
Sure. [Lizzie takes a pirouette in front of camera]

Miranda:
Cool. [Lizzie stumbles on her bag and falls over]

Gordo:
Or a stunt woman.

Miranda:
Woah! You look like Neve Campbell at the end of "Scream".

Lizzie McGuire:
Which is pretty good, compared to how I feel.

Matt McGuire:
Our first guest is Jackson Myers, whose father is the one and only Mike Myers. Very groovy, baby - I bet he's got one million interesting stories, so let's bring him out - Jackson Myers. [Jackson shuffles through the door, waves awkwardly at the web-cam, sits. A few green lights pop on the monitor - "BLING! BLING!"] Is your dad gonna star in another "Austin Powers" sequel?

Jackson Meyers:
Why would he?

Matt McGuire:
Because he's Mike Myers, the actor who plays Austin Powers.

Jackson Meyers:
Uh-uh, he's Mike Myers, the dry-cleaner. They have the same name.

Lizzie McGuire:
She hasn't even spoken to me.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Well, Miranda can be a little unreasonable at times.

Lizzie McGuire:
How can you say that, Gordo? She happened to be accused of stealing!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Yeah, well, it did kind of hang around to dry.

Lizzie McGuire:
How can you say that, Gordo? Just because I doubted her for one single second. I mean, the lipstick was in her purse.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
You're right, the... the evidence was there...

Lizzie McGuire:
How can you say that, Gordo? Miranda is my best friend, I should know that she doesn't steal!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I... Whose side do you want me to be on? Yours or... yours?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Give it time. I'm sure it'll blow over. I'm sure everything's gonna be cool.

Miranda Sanchez:
[comes in] Mr. Dig? I'd like another partner, please.

Lizzie McGuire:
[to Gordo] You know, for a smart guy, you sure get a lot of stuff wrong.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Yeah, well, what are you gonna do.

Mr. Dig:
Ladies, I don't wanna hear you talking, I wanna see some action! [Lizzie and Miranda starts to fight physically]

Mr. Dig:
And uh Ethan Craft uh spotted a cloud he thought looked like a donkey and ran face first into a beehive.

Miranda:
How come no one ever told me I had, like, six chins!

Lizzie:
Because you only have one?

Jo McGuire:
We'll have to encourage him. Artists are very sensitive.

Sam McGuire:
Sensitive? Matt eats mud!

Lizzie:
What are you staring at?

Matt McGuire:
Watch a real artist at work.

Lizzie:
Whatever you're doing - stop. [Matt starts to draw at super speed. Lizzie looks weirdly at him, while Gordo snorts]

Matt McGuire:
Behold. [shows his quick work, which is very good] I call this one... "Girl who Makes Me Hurl". [Gordo laughs]

Lizzie:
Well, I call this one "A Brother About to Run for His Life"! [chases Matt]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Look, I know that magazines these days are telling girls to get thinner, and telling me I have to be more muscular, and for whatever reason, Miranda's buying into, and I'm not. Uh, I'm not saying that you are, of course, you see, I just think that you have a better handle at this situation than I have, which is why I think you should talk to her.

Lizzie:
Gordo, wait.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
What?

Lizzie:
Okay, I wanna talk to her just as bad as you do. Okay? In fact, we're going to the mall tomorrow, I'll talk to her then.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Wo... That's... that's great. Because I-I think she needs to know that we're her friends, and if she ever, ever needs anyone to talk to, that we're her go-to-peeps, through thick, through thin, we'll always be there! And I gotta tell you, that the whole idea of you talking to her is a HUGE relief, 'cause frankly, I have no idea what to say. [Lizzie looks a little off, but claps him on his back, trying to comfort him]

Gordo:
What a day. I flunked the unflunkable test, my science teacher hates me, and I'm gonna be a blackjack dealer.

[the students are taking what Gordo thinks is a career placement test]

Gordo:
Look at them. Poor suckers all think they'll be the next Bill Gates, when in reality odds are they'll be managing the scrunchie cart at the mall.

Miranda:
[to Gordo] Everyone knows that you're the Tiger Woods of term papers.

Jo McGuire:
Why do you want to be called "M-Dogg?"

Matt:
Because there are four Matt's in my class.

Sam McGuire:
I knew we should have named him "Dillon."

Matt:
There are seven Dillons.

[Gordo and Miranda are discussing why their science teacher, Mr. Pettus, seemingly hates him]

Miranda:
Did he ever find out that you put that dead frog in his pocket?

Gordo:
It was alive when I put it there!

Lizzie McGuire:
That grade has to be a mistake! This is an A plus paper!

Gordo:
Maybe if it had your name on it.

Lizzie McGuire:
If it had my name on it, it'd be called: "Our Friend, the Ocean".

Miranda:
All parents want to do is poke holes in things. You know, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke... *poke*!

Ethan:
I really like you Lizzie. But, I feel that there is no... oh, shoot, what's that subject in high school that I'm never gonna pass?

Lizzie:
Chemistry?

Jo McGuire:
And since when did you become such an expert on teenage girls?

Sam McGuire:
Well, I got dumped by enough of them. I got cut loose by every girl I ever liked.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
He hasn't cracked. He's just excited about the Sadie Hawkins dance. And since the girls ask the guys, this is his big chance.

Lizzie:
Okay, but does he actually think that Kate is gonna ask him?

Lizzie:
Okay, he's cracked.

Lizzie:
So, I've been practicing my speech to ask Ethan out. You be Ethan, okay?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[imitates Ethan] Yo, Lizzie! [looks away with an empty face while Lizzie continues to speak]

Lizzie:
So, Ethan, the Sadie Hawkins dance is coming up soon.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
My cousin had a hamster named Joely!

Lizzie:
Okay, Gordo, stop! This is serious.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Sorry, go ahead.

Lizzie:
So, if... no one's asked you yet, I was wondering if you might wanted to go with me?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Look at the noise I can make! [makes fart noises with his mouth]

Lizzie:
Ethan! How is it going?

Ethan:
Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. My day is proceeding with fineness!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[about Ethan] He does like you! He just, you know, doesn't like you, like you.

Lizzie:
Why not? I mean, I'm decent looking.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
You're very pretty.

Lizzie:
I'm a nice person.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
You're a great person!

Lizzie:
And I'm wild and unpredictable.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
You're... a great person.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
So, you know, the kind of girls I like, are European, you know, real sophisticated types.

Ethan:
Like Britney Spears!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[to Ethan] So you like girls who know things that you don't. You know what, that doesn't really narrow it down very much.

Lizzie:
Life's unfair.

Matt McGuire:
You said it, sister. You said it.

[Matt can't think of anything to get a badge in for Scouts and could face a demotion]

Lizzie:
I bet you could get a badge in ugly.

Matt:
I'm sure I could.

Lizzie, Matt:
Did I just agree with an insult?

Lizzie:
Andie... you're dressed exactly like me!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Isn't it great?

Lizzie:
[as animated version] Imposter, what have you done with MY Gordo?

[last lines]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
You'll never figure out who you are if you're busy trying to be someone else.

Lizzie:
Oh, Gordo's back! Yay! [hugs him]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Yeah. I liked two Lizzies, but two Kates... That's scary.

Ethan Craft:
I got an idea.

Lizzie McGuire:
[as animated version] That's something you don't hear very often!

Miranda Sanchez:
They're gonna think of her as a guy girl!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
You know what? I don't think she cares what they think. And I think that's pretty cool.

Lizzie:
Bark! Bark like dogs! I said bark!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
But I spent 3 hours on it.

Lizzie:
So, spend 4. Make it more... fun.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Fun? "Lord of the Flies" is about shipwrecked children eating each other!

Lizzie:
Hey, mom, can I be a model?

Matt McGuire:
Sure! And I can be president of the moon.

Lizzie:
Fine, as long as you move there.

Gordo:
Bowling is fun, bowling is good, bowling will not make my fingers swell.

Miranda:
I think it is time for Phase Two.

Gordo:
Does Phase Two involve cookies?

Miranda:
Wow! I can't believe I'm gonna help you. This is a first.

Gordo:
Believe me. There's no one more surprised than me.

Gordo:
Gutterball!

Miranda:
Yeah!

Gordo:
Adorable!

Miranda:
The worst I've ever seen! [they hug]

Gordo:
Oh, thank you, Miranda! I couldn't stink so bad without you.

[Lizzie is screaming loudly and rolling over in the bed after hearing the news that she is paired with Kate in a school project]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[to Miranda] Well, she's taking that better than I expected.

[Frankie Muniz walks into the classroom]

Ethan:
Yo Frankie, how'd ya get outta the TV?

Matt McGuire:
Pleeeeeaaaasssseee!

Lizzie McGuire:
OK! Fine.

Matt McGuire:
Thanks. I'll have my people call your people. Wait, I am your people! This is so great!

Miranda Sanchez:
Hey, everyone! It's Frankie, he's getting away!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I hate Lizzie.

Lizzie:
Mom, Dad this is...

Matt:
Frankie! Hey mind if I call you "F"? I'm Matt McGuire, you can just call me Matt McGuire. I'm head of Lizzie's entorage. If you need anything and I mean anything at all just let me know.

[winks]

Frankie Muniz:
You guys look nothing alike.

Lizzie, Matt:
Thank you.

Miranda Sanchez:
So how was your summer?

Frankie Muniz:
Well, I finished my series, read a few movie scripts, and bought a car. How 'bout you guys?

Lizzie:
Um... Well, I-I... Um...

Miranda Sanchez:
Well, I started to, uh...

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I broke my toe!

Lizzie McGuire:
[wears a rat nose and crawls around on the ground] Go ahead, Gordo. Say it. Just get it over with!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Fine, here it goes. I think that the Diamondbacks are overrated, I mean, sure they have the best pitching money can buy, but other than that, they're a bunch of banjo hitters and journeymen.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Who cares about being in the yearbook? Talk about pointless.

Lizzie McGuire:
Um... I seem to remember last year, you tried to be most photographed student, Gordo.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Oh, no, no, no. That was just to see if I could do it. You know, like staying up for twenty-four hours in a row, or making the world's biggest meatball.

Matt McGuire:
Nothing goes on in this town that Matt McGuire doesn't sniff out.

Matt McGuire:
I think Kate tortures people.

Melina Bianco:
No, Matt. That's for her eyelashes.

Lizzie McGuire:
[as animated version] Pictures fade and they get torn and stuff spills on it and your hair kinda looks really dorky. But memories last forever.

Lizzie:
I've made a decision. I'm not going to let my little brother ruin what's otherwise the greatest day of my entire life.

Gordo:
What's so great about it?

Lizzie:
Tell him, Miranda.

Miranda:
Two words, Gordo.

Gordo:
If you say "Ethan Craft," I swear I'm gonna hurl!

Miranda:
Fine. In that case, I'll say one word: "lunch."

[Gordo pretends to start vomiting. Lizzie and Miranda walk off. Gordo just shakes his head]

[Lizzie is about to have lunch with Ethan Craft. Gordo thinks that she is making too much of it]

Gordo:
Okay, I wasn't going to say anything but I think you need to hear this. The fact that you care so much about sitting with Ethan is kinda pathetic. So he's popular and maybe he's good-looking: so what? Who you are is way more important than who you sit with at lunch.

Lizzie:
You done?

[he nods. It is clear that what he has just said had no effect whatsoever. She is just as excited and hugs Miranda]

Lizzie:
Gotta go!

[she runs off. Gordo looks a little frustrated]

Lizzie:
But he doesn't belong here.

Principal Tweedy:
No. He belongs in the gifted program.

Lizzie McGuire:
I'm here babysitting too.

Kate Sanders:
For who? Gordo and Miranda?

Lizzie:
When will I be old enough to trust? When I'm 50?

Sam McGuire:
Maybe. We'll see.

[Gordo is describing his dream city to Lizzie and Miranda]

Gordo:
A bookstore containing the works of Navajo and Greek philosophers, a coffeehouse where people only discuss music and politics, a thousand foot waterslide ending in a swim-up counter where they serve free deep-fried pizza... and Tyra Banks would be the mayor... I've given this a lot of thought.

Gordo:
[looking at Kate] Well, I guess Kate sorta does give off a sort some... visual signals which imply a biological nurturing capability...

Miranda:
We get it, Gordo. She's stacked.

Gordo:
Yes, yes she is.

[Mr. McGuire, who Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda think is a burglar, is hit in the crotch with a paint can]

Gordo:
[to Lizzie and Miranda] You guys have to trust me. You have no idea how much that hurts.

[Lizzie is babysitting Matt. Gordo is also there but is not being much help]

Lizzie:
You didn't come here just to watch TV on the couch!

Gordo:
Fine, I'll watch TV in your room!

Gordo:
[after seeing Lizzie holding her hand three feet over the ground] Let me guess. That's how tall Tom Cruise is.

Lizzie:
Okay, Gordo. Imagine that you live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everybody's predictable.

Gordo:
I do live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everyone's predictable, thank you.

Lizzie:
Matt, go upstairs, change your shirt and get cleaned up. Now!

Matt McGuire:
No!

Miranda:
See?

Lizzie:
Zip it!

Miranda:
Why should I? He won't!

Lizzie:
Matt. Starting right now, you do everything I tell you! Or I'll tell Mom and Dad.

Matt McGuire:
Na-ah. You want Mom and Dad to think you're a good babysitter. So you're gonna say things went great.

Lizzie:
Then I'll squash you like a bug instead!

Matt McGuire:
Then I'll tell Mom and Dad. Face it, I'm in charge here.

Lizzie:
No. I am in charge here!

Gordo:
Matt, what do you say we go upstairs and find you a clean shirt.

Matt McGuire:
Okay.

Lizzie McGuire:
[animated] Grandparents don't split up! Grandparents give you money when your parents aren't looking!

Sam McGuire:
I'm sorry. You know, I think we all learned a lot from this.

Matt McGuire:
Yep. You've learned to trust me more, and I've learned that you make great monkey bait.

Matt:
Mom! Mom! She's our man, if she can't do it no one can! Go mom!

Sam McGuire:
Hey, what about me? Where's my cheer?

Matt:
Dad! Dad! He's our man, if he can't do it... Mom sure can! Go mom!

Jo McGuire:
Mom! Mom! She's our man, if she can't do it no one can! Go ME!

Matt:
Lizzie! Lizzie! She's our girl! She's the girl that makes me hurl!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Lizzie's mom is a great cook, way better than my mom. Why do you think I spend so much time at your house?

Lizzie McGuire:
[hurt] Uh... the company?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Compared to the goodies, the company is secondary.

Lizzie McGuire:
[as animated version] If I didn't like him so much, I'd hate him.

Lizzie McGuire:
[as animated version] Did I just invite Mr. Dig to dinner? But you're not supposed to see your teachers outside of school! It's like seeing Santa in blue jeans.

Lizzie McGuire:
Okay, so even though Mr. Dig is my favorite sub, I should never have invited him to dinner. But since I did, you guys have to be on your best behavior.

Sam McGuire:
Does it mean I shouldn't sing?

Jo McGuire:
Oh, I love it when he sings!

Lizzie McGuire:
Since when do you sing, Dad?

Sam McGuire:
Well, rarely, because I'm always on my best behavior.

Lizzie McGuire:
This is not helping, you guys.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
This situation is beyond help.

Miranda Sanchez:
Yeah, we are pretty much doomed.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[to Lizzie about Larry] You've got a lot of work to do.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[about Larry's dashing outfit] Lizzie... You've achieved the impossible.

[Lizzie wants Gordo to help her clean the janitor's closet so Kate will allow to play Vampira in the Hallowe'en Fright Night but he is very reluctant]

Gordo:
Why on Earth would I participate in that?

Lizzie:
Because my cousin Heather's coming into town again this summer and I'm gonna get her to go out with you.

Gordo:
Quit your yappin'. We've got work to do.

Lizzie:
Here, it's a... caterpillar. [handing Matt a balloon]

Matt McGuire:
This is a lame balloon animal.

Lizzie:
Oh, sorry, let me fix it... [cracks the balloon] There, now it's extinct.

Jo McGuire:
[she and Sam throw water and oatmeal on Miranda's parents before realizing who they are] Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, we thought you were a trick-or-treater!

Mrs. Sanchez:
[dryly] I see, we give them *candy* at our house.

Lizzie:
[as a zombie clown, takes rubber dagger] Rubber, bad. [drops it, picks up a plastic mace] Mace, good! [swings it at Kate]

Kate Sanders:
[locking themselves in the janitor's closet] Okay, Lizzie is WAY out of line.

Miranda Sanchez:
She's not Lizzie right now! The spirits of the dead have taken over her body!

Lizzie:
[banging on door, demonic voice] Kate! Kaaaate!

Miranda Sanchez:
And they're using Lizzie for, for revenge. They're mad because you called the Day of the Dead artifacts stupid, and shoved them off a little corner!

Kate Sanders:
Dumb Kate, dumb, dumb!

Lizzie:
[rattles door] Kaaaate!

Kate Sanders:
Can't we stop her?

Miranda Sanchez:
I think I remember my grandmother talking about ways to beg the spirits for forgiveness. We need a handful of cemetery dirt and a bucket full of blood.

[Hall-monitor Matt writes up a teacher]

Teacher:
Surely you must be joking...

Matt:
No, and uh, don't call me Shirley!

Lizzie McGuire:
[about Miranda's jacket] It's leather. Leather is cow, cow is meat! I don't eat meat.

Miranda Sanchez:
Fine! So don't eat my jacket.

Miranda Sanchez:
Lizzie, you're totally overreacting!

Lizzie McGuire:
I'm overreacting? Tell me that I'm overreacting when the garbage builds up so high that it blocks out all the sunlight, and we freeze.

Miranda Sanchez:
Yeah? Well, at least I'll have my jacket to keep me warm!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[wakes up after Lizzie slams the classroom door] I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes!

[Gordo dresses up as Elvis before the race]

Larry Tudgeman:
Who are you?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
The King, baby!

Lizzie McGuire:
I'm really sorry you didn't win the race, Gordo.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Yeah, me too. If I hadn't stayed up all night creating my aerodynamic collar, I wouldn't have fallen asleep. I might've won. There's probably a lesson in there somewhere, but I'm just too tired to find it.

[It's 2036. Lizzie winded up being a waitress at a drive-through, while Gordo drives by in his limo, being a famous film director]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Did she say her name was Lizzie? Didn't I used to know a girl named Lizzie?

Assistant:
No.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
No.

Lizzie McGuire:
[knocking on car window] Gordo! Gordo, remember me, Lizzie? Lizzie McGuire!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[pauses] Nah. Fry me. [gets some French fries from his assistant]

Lizzie McGuire:
This is so silly, isn't it? I can't pick my future out of a hat!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Glad I didn't have to tell you.

Lizzie McGuire:
You've got your movies, and you've got your music. You guys are set for the rest of your lives.

Miranda Sanchez:
The rest of our lives? Lizzie, I may never be a professional musician.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Exactly. She may never be a professional musician.

Miranda Sanchez:
No! You're supposed to say: "I may never be a professional director."

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Are we here to talk crazy, or are we here to help Lizzie?

Lizzie McGuire:
I would not go to this party if it was the last party on Earth.

Student:
Last year, she gave us cell phones in the goodie-bags.

Lizzie McGuire:
[screams lowly, suddenly excited] I am so there!

Miranda Sanchez:
Uh, me too!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Wait, did that include long distance?

Student:
Duh!

Jo McGuire:
Sam, you flinched for your driver's licence picture.

Sam McGuire:
Honey, this is something Matt really wants to do, and I can get over being a little camera shy for one day. That's why I AM the fun dad! WOHOO! WOHOO! WOHOO! WOHOO! WOHOO!

Lizzie McGuire:
She started with my full name and ended with: "Why can't you just enjoy your childhood?" Fill in the blanks.

Miranda Sanchez:
Uh! My mom gave me: "I don't agree with Kate's mom on how to raise children." Raise! Like we're chickens or something!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
My mom said it was okay.

Lizzie McGuire, Miranda Sanchez:
Uh, what?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Uh, it's depressing, really. You know, my parents think I'm so good I can never get into trouble?

Miranda Sanchez:
Yes!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I can make trouble! I have a dark side. [Lizzie smiles skeptically] I can disrespect the common areas. I can act with outregard for the safety of others! Hm-m. [throws his soda can backwards, high up the air. It lands on a student's head]

Student:
Ow!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Oh, oh! I'm so sorry! [turns to Lizzie and Miranda, who are beyond surprised] Sorry, yet bad. [turns back to the student] Here, let me get you a towel! [tries to wipe the student's head with the towel, but the student escapes]

Lizzie McGuire:
Why should we have to suffer to exercise our constitutional rights to pursuit of happiness? It's simply un-American!

Matt McGuire:
Here we are, Dad. The doorway to stardom!

Sam McGuire:
Okay. This is not gonna be that big a deal. We're not gonna be on camera that long. It's just gonna be a fun day together, trying something new.

Matt McGuire:
Something new, like stardom!

Sam McGuire:
Here, let's just sign in.

Matt McGuire:
On the sign in sheet to stardom!

Donna Pinto:
Here they are, the real father and the real little boy I found in the shoe store! This is Steve, our director.

Matt McGuire:
The man who'll direct us to star...! [Sam stops him]

Director:
Have the stunt guy set up the harness. Robyn! Where's my blend in?

Sam McGuire:
[to Matt] Did he say harness?

Matt McGuire:
The harness to stardom!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
What's the plan?

Miranda Sanchez:
YOUR plan is your parents take you to the party that you're allowed to go to.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Oh, but that's where you're wrong. See, I told my parents that I wasn't going to the party tonight. In fact, they think I'm at Miranda's house. But I'm not. I'm here. Wanna know why? [does a fancy move] 'Cause I'm BAD. [Lizzie laughs]

Miranda Sanchez:
We'll see you at the party, Gordo.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Oh, you're not getting rid of me that easily. 'Cause I'm all about the plan tonight. You wanna know why? [does the fancy move]

Miranda Sanchez:
[before Gordo can say anything] Yeah, Gordo. You're BAD.

Miranda:
[about Lizzie's sweater] That's not "Oops, I Did It Again", that's just "Oops"!

Kate Sanders:
[when Kate and Miranda have on the same outfit] You aren't wearing that.

Miranda:
Oh, really? It feels like... I *am*!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I just don't see why we should give in to all this peer pressure.

Lizzie McGuire:
Because we have peers, and they put pressure on us. If it was just you and me, I wouldn't care how I looked. But I do have to live in this world.

Matt McGuire:
Being sick is complicated.

Lizzie:
I can't believe that Miranda, she is such a hypocrite. Which she will never admit.

Gordo:
Well if you admit you're a hypocrite, then you're not a hypocrite.

Lizzie:
Gordo, what goes on inside your head, is it just a big game show?

Lizzie:
Miranda's in love with acting! Maybe when she's around thirty, she can play a teenager on Dawson's Creek.

Miranda Sanchez:
Can't you talk some sense into him Tudgeman?

Larry Tudgeman:
Um, I'm Stinko.

Miranda Sanchez:
Oh, can't you talk some sense into him Stinko!

Lizzie:
I can only come to the conclusion that Miranda...

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Stinks, like a cabdriver's armpit?

Matt McGuire:
Ribs give Lanny nightmares. The walrus ones, right? [Lanny nods]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
So how is the review coming?

Lizzie:
Mm. Great. Just great. [handing over her notebook]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[reading] "Review by Lizzie McGuire. Scranton." Hm, Scranton. That, uh... that really says it all. I probably would've gone with Pittsburgh, but you know me. I overstate things.

Lizzie:
I hate this! She's showing me how to be a better friend to Miranda, and she doesn't even know she's doing it! I think mom might be a witch.

[trying to sneak into the rated R movie "Vesuvious:
The Eruption"]

Gordo:
[whispers to Lizzie and Miranda] Talk like you've just seen the movie.

Gordo:
The critics were right! Vesuvious explodes off the screen!

Miranda:
Another triumph for Affleck! His love scenes are hotter than lava! Don't hail Ceasar, hail Oscar!

Lizzie:
I liked the volcano!

Lizzie:
[to Gordo and Miranda] What? I like volcanos!

Matt:
Yeah mom, you rock!

Jo McGuire:
It's true, I do.

Lizzie:
This is so cool, you guys, we're gonna be on TV.

[in Lizzie's head, on the red carpet]

Animated Lizzie:
This could be my big break. Next, I'll be starring opposite Ben Affleck in Vesuvious 2.

Gordo:
It's official. We're the only three kids in this school who haven't seen "Vesuvius: The Eruption".

Miranda:
Duh. 'Cause it's rated R.

Lizzie:
Besides, Gordo, since when do you care what other people do?

Gordo:
I don't. I just wanna see the movie. An entire ancient city destroyed by lava. And...

Miranda:
...And Ben Affleck in a doomed love affair.

Lizzie:
I know, you're right. It's like the best movie ever made. Why does it have to be rated R?

Gordo:
Because of adult situations, mild violence and brief nudity.

Sam McGuire:
[about the "miniature golf"] Who won? [the kids speak at the same time]

Lizzie:
Gordo.

Miranda:
Lizzie.

Gordo:
Miranda.

Lizzie:
The sports guy will announce who won the car races, and Gordo's taping it at home, and he doesn't wanna know who the winner is. Right, Gordo?

Gordo:
Yeah... I-I love car races.

Sam McGuire:
Really, Gordo? I had no idea that you were a racing nut. What are you into? NASCAR? Formula 1?

Gordo:
All of them! NASCAR, Formula 1... Formula 2...

Miranda:
So, I'm grounded for a week. How about you guys?

Gordo:
Two weeks. Plus, I have to write a ten page paper on responsibility.

Miranda:
[walking over to Lizzie, who is putting her notebooks in her locker, with Gordo] Hey.

Lizzie:
[turns; closes locker] Oh, hey. I was thinking since we can't go to the movie this weekend, we should go to Mount Rushmore mini golf. [Gordo makes a face with a sound effect]

Miranda:
Miniature golf? Is that the dorkiest thing you can think of? How about the sci-fi convention?

Lizzie:
[defiant] Hey, I like miniature golf, okay? You're just still mad about your fourth-grade birthday party when I set the course record for the windmill. [pictures with sound effect ensue]

Larry Tudgeman:
[walking with friend toward the friends' direction] I can't believe I'm saying this, but Vesuvius is actually better than Star Wars. [turns to his locker]

Friend:
I've seen it four times. And I still can't figure out how they do that thing with the lava.

Larry Tudgeman:
[looks sideways with a sly look on his face] I'm not watching the lava. I'm watchin' the slave girls.

Friend:
Yeahhhhh. [Larry then turns to Lizzie]

Larry Tudgeman:
Ooooh, Lizzie. [growls; Lizzie is grossed out]

Gordo:
Okay, new plan. We tell our parents we're going miniature golfing when instead, we go and see Vesuvius.

Lizzie:
[incredulous] Okay, so you're telling me to lie to my parents?

Gordo:
No, I'm asking you to make a last-minute change in plans in advance.

Miranda:
Mmmhmmm. That sounds reasonable to me.

Lizzie:
[slight nod, haltingly] Okay. I'll try. But I don't think it's gonna work.

[slides into kitchen, looking cautiously at her mom and then slides back out of view, scared]

Animated Lizzie:
[hiding behind a huge banana in a fruit basket] This is never gonna work.

Lizzie:
[slides back; bravely walks to her mom] Mom? Can I ask you something?

Animated Lizzie:
[now behind an orange and banana in the oversized basket and next to an apple] This is never gonna work!

Jo McGuire:
Sure, Sweetie. What's up?

Lizzie:
Uh, can I go play miniature golf with Gordo and Miranda this weekend?

Animated Lizzie:
[shaking head, now on edge of bowl in the front, eyes wide] This is never gonna work!

Jo McGuire:
[uppity] Sure. That sounds fun.

Animated Lizzie:
What? [slides out of bowl and puts arms up in questioning stance and Lizzie excitedly toddles out of the room]

Gordo:
It's not that I dislike Kate. I just hate everything she represents.

[Kate is no longer a cheerleader]

Gordo & Miranda:
[singing] DING, DONG! The Witch is dead. Which old Witch? The wicked Witch! Ding, Dong - The wicked witch is dead.

Matt:
[Repeated Line when Matt is rehersing for his one line part in the school play] Ahh the doorbell! I'll get that.

Gordo:
[to Lizzie and Miranda] For once, I'd just like Kate to say, "Thank you" and mean it.

[Kate comes back]

Kate Sanders:
Gordo?

Gordo:
[hopefully] Yeah?

Kate Sanders:
You're sitting on my sweater.

Lizzie McGuire:
[animated] The cheerleading table is like the Oscars. You only go if you are nominated.

Miranda Sanchez:
So the word is Kate dislocated her shoulder.

Gordo:
That'll take her out of cheerleading for a month, thanks to Sabrina the teenage witch. [points to Lizzie]

Lizzie McGuire:
I hate this! Claire is ten times worse than Kate.

Miranda Sanchez:
I know, it's like, "Kate: The Sequel".

Gordo:
Yeah, like one of those monster movies where you think you've just destroyed the monster, but it wasn't really the monster. It was just the baby monster, and then the monster mom comes back and she is not happy.

Kate Sanders:
Why do you guys wanna help me?

Lizzie McGuire:
'Cause everybody needs a friend, Kate.

Miranda Sanchez:
And you obviously don't have any.

Gordo:
And we don't wanna be them, so we gotta get your old ones back.

Sam McGuire:
Are you sure we need to talk to him? He's just excited about the play.

Matt:
[behind the door] Mirror, mirror on the wall; who's the greatest actor of them all?

Sam McGuire:
After you.

Jo McGuire:
After you.

[after Matt's lizard dies]

Sam McGuire:
You know, I swear that manual didn't say a thing about changing the water.

Jo McGuire:
Whatever... murderer.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
If you ask me...

Lizzie McGuire:
Not gonna.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
...any group activity that forces others to be happy, is by nature evil.

Lizzie McGuire:
And that's why I didn't ask.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I just don't understand the herd mentality, that, you know... tells us what to wear, what to watch, what to eat... Mm, McNuggets!

[on a date at a science museum with a boy she's not interested in]

Lizzie McGuire:
Larry, you have all this knowledge, and you express yourself so well.

Larry Tudgeman:
Well, I'm very intrigued by the world around me. Hey look, Lizzie - the mitral valve.

Animated Lizzie:
Very icky interests, but the thing about Tudgeman is, for a dork, he's got a lot of self-confidence.

Larry Tudgeman:
See, I like what I like, and I don't worry about what other people think. I mean, boybands are a trend, but the circulatory system is forever.

Miranda Sanchez:
Have you lost your mind? She can't go out with Larry Tudgeman. Tudgeman!

Lizzie McGuire:
Miranda, it's just one dumb date!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
One dumb date for Lizzie, but it's one giant date for every boy who has ever been dissed by a girl.

Larry Tudgeman:
The bad thing is, I didn't get to tell anyone I disproved infinity.

Kate:
There's something called soap maybe you haven't "discovered" it yet.

Larry Tudgeman:
You know what Kate, maybe people would like you more if you weren't so hostile all the time!

Larry Tudgeman:
I know you think I started this, Kate, but don't flatter yourself. I don't waste food, and especially not at somebody like you.

Larry Tudgeman:
I'm sorry about that, but you won't believe what just happened!

Kate Sanders:
Save it. You obviously have me confused with someone who cares. [she leaves him]

Lizzie McGuire:
[to Gordo and Miranda] What do you think he did?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I don't know. Got dressed by himself?

Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire:
You little weasel. I'll teach you to make fun of me.

Matt McGuire:
Oh, I don't have to be taught, I already know how. [imitates Lizzie] 'Oh, I'm Lizzie! Notice me!'

Matt McGuire:
Come on, let's go watch the golf.

Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire:
No! I can't. I just told Ethan that I had to stay in here for a while. If I go out there, he'll think I'm a complete baboon.

Matt McGuire:
Trust me, there's a million other reasons for him to think you're a complete baboon.

Matt McGuire:
[to Gordo] I always knew you were too cool to be friends with my dorky sister.

Lizzie McGuire:
Are you like friends with my little brother now? Because I'm gonna tell you, Gordo, that's kind of creepy.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
What can I say? The kid's got spunk. It's refreshing.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I'd rather impress the ladies with what's in my mind than what's in my wallet.

Ethan Craft:
That's deep.

Lizzie McGuire:
Think about your independence, Gordo. You would never have to ask your parents for anything ever again.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
But I like asking my parents for things. It's really the only time I ever talk to them.

Ethan Craft:
I think that acting just isn't for me. I mean, all that walking and talking at the same time.

[because all the girls in his English class have a crush on their Scottish substitute teacher, Mr. Keith, Gordo thinks it'll work for him as well especially since his one-eighth Scottish himself]

Gordo:
[in a Scottish accent] Oh! An A! I'm ever so proud! I'll be feasting in merriment at Castle Gordon tonight!

[Lizzie, Miranda, Kate and Veruca are fighting over their substitute English teacher, Mr. Keith]

Gordo:
Can you believe this?

Larry Tudgeman:
No. They should be fighting over me

[Tudgeman leaves]

Gordo:
[shakes his head; laughs slightly] Tudgeman.

Ewan Keith:
Who here actually knows any poems? [Larry raises his hand]

Gordo:
"Beans, Beans, the Musical Fruit" doesn't count. [Larry lowers his hand, disappointed]

Lizzie McGuire:
I need your help.

Gordo:
You sure do. Your date is a little underdressed. [points to Fredo the chimpanzee]

Lizzie McGuire:
Did you hear that, Miranda? He was afraid I wasn't gonna make it.

Miranda Sanchez:
Yeah. Big - whoop.

Lizzie and Miranda:
Not helping Gordo.

Matt McGuire:
[pretending to wimper] But this is really important. If I don't fix this football, I'll get in trouble and my sister [stopped faking] who really didn't anything [continuing to wimper] will get in trouble and maybe you can trade me this football for that nice, new one?

Albert, The Shopkeeper:
Aww... that's really touching. Let me see... No!

Matt McGuire:
WAHHH! [pretending to cry]

Jo McGuire:
[after Lizzie gets off the phone] Nice of you to join us.

Lizzie McGuire:
Sorry.

Matt McGuire:
It's not THAT nice.

Lizzie McGuire:
The only thing worse than having Matt and Lanny around, is not having Matt and Lanny around.

[Gordo takes a lot of food out of the refrigerator and makes himself a very complicated sandwich, which is a foot tall]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[about to eat the sandwich] Nah. I think I will order a pizza.

Jeremy:
How dumb do you think we are?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Uh... Do you really want me to answer that?

[a filmmaker named Stan Jansen is filming a documentary at Hillridge Junior High School. Lizzie and Miranda are excited about it but Gordo is very cynical]

Gordo:
It's gonna be the same sugar-coated, ain't-life-grand junior high school documentary that we've seen thousands of times before!

Lizzie:
What's your point, Gordo? We're gonna be on TV!

Gordo:
[to Lizzie and Miranda] You guys have been keeping stuff from me? Like what? Tell me!

Miranda:
Oh, like when Lizzie had a crush on you in fourth grade?

Gordo:
[to Lizzie] You did?

[to Miranda]

Gordo:
She did?

Miranda:
[after Stan Jansen talks to Gordo] Gow did you do that?

Gordo:
I don't know.

Lizzie:
Yeah, Gordo. Looks like you are the King Kong of this monkey house.

Jo McGuire:
[to Lizzie] Honey, this is the third time you've changed this morning.

Matt McGuire:
Yeah, and it keeps getting worse.

Kate Sanders:
Hey, Gordo, will you walk me to class? [Gordo looks at Stan, who mouths "conflict"]

Gordo:
Why, did you forget how to get there?

Jo McGuire:
[after Lizzie tells her she had a fight with her friends] So, what was the secret?

Lizzie:
Oh, that I... I had a crush on Gordo in the fourth grade.

Jo McGuire:
I KNEW it!

Gordo:
So did you really have a crush on me in the fourth grade?

Lizzie:
I was young. I didn't know any better.

Miranda Sanchez:
[noticing Lizzie's/Matt's clothing] Lizzie! What are you? I mean, how can you?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I think what Miranda's trying to say is what... what were you thinking when you got dressed this morning? You look like Elton John!

Lizzie McGuire:
[as Matt in Lizzie's body] That's SIR Elton John!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[after Kate pulls a stunt on Lizzie/Matt] Are you okay?

Lizzie McGuire:
[as Matt in Lizzie's body] I seem to be spending a lot of time on the ground.

Miranda Sanchez:
Yeah, but Kate just made you look like a total idiot!

Lizzie McGuire:
[as Matt in Lizzie's body] Oh, that's fine. She has no idea who she's dealing with.

Matt McGuire:
Why can't I go camping?

Sam McGuire:
We'll camp this weekend with your mom. [Matt smiles] In the house. [the smile is quickly wiped off Matt's face]

Lizzie McGuire:
If humiliating me were an Olympic event, my mother would take home the gold.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Danny, what do you expect to find in the woods?

Danny Kessler:
Something like... When wild animals attack! [does an exaggerated karate move]

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
Repeat after me: "Would you like fries with that?"

[Matt has just drunk about a dozen glasses of orange juice]

Miranda:
You're hitting the juice a little hard there, aren't you, Matt?

Matt:
You wouldn't understand. You see I need to talk to a girl but Lizzie's the only one I know and she's busy.

[Gordo and Miranda look a little surprised and confused. Gordo gestures to her]

Miranda:
Uh, Matt? I'm a girl.

Matt:
[realising] Hey! You are, aren't you?

Gordo:
[sarcastically; points to Matt] Nothing gets past you, does it?

[Matt has developed a crush on Miranda and when she arrives at the McGuires' house, he gives her a card with a heart on the front of it and "pop-up" pictures of the two of them]

Gordo:
I hate being right all the time. So, when you two get married, are you gonna move in here, get an apartment, what?

[Lizzie has got a job working as a "bus person" at the Digital Bean. She is very busy and has just snapped at Gordo for messing around with a ball]

Miranda:
Guess we can't talk to the new workin' Lizzie.

[Matt comes in on his scooter]

Gordo:
Probably not...

[sn*ggers]

Gordo:
...but you've got the next best thing, your boyfriend!

Miranda:
He is not my boyfriend!

[Gordo looks at Matt's new licence plate which reads I "heart sign" MRNDA]

Gordo:
But he hearts you, MRNDA.

Gordo:
I can't believe you're gonna break Matt's heart.

Miranda:
You know what, you just want to keep this going for your own sick amusement.

Gordo:
Well... yeah!

Melina Bianco:
So, the rumour *is* true!

Matt:
Hello, Melina.

Melina Bianco:
[to Miranda] Listen, just because you can't find a guy your own age doesn't mean you can steal mine. You're just a rebound girl, so keep your distance, 'cause if anyone is gonna get Matt in trouble, it's gonna be me. Got it?

Matt:
[delighted] You really *do* like me!

Melina Bianco:
Let's go.

Matt:
[to Miranda] Sorry things didn't work out.

Melina Bianco:
*Now*!

Matt:
Coming, my angel.

[Matt and Melina leave]

Miranda:
[sarcastically] Well, that was really easy.

Gordo:
You do realize you just got dumped by Matt?

Miranda:
We're not talking about this ever again, especially to Lizzie!

Gordo:
All right... rebound girl.

Miranda:
That was talking about it!

Lizzie McGuire:
I just hate running to them for every little thing...

Miranda:
[notices the "busboy wanted" sign] Lizzie, you could get a job!

Lizzie McGuire:
...right at the mall, and I want a pair of jeans, I wanna buy them...

Miranda:
Lizzie, you could get a job!

Lizzie McGuire:
I need independence and freedom. [Gordo also notices the "busboy" sign] No, they won't let me have that...

Gordo:
Lizzie, you could get a job! [Miranda rolls her eyes]

Lizzie McGuire:
A job? That's a great idea. [Miranda now looks stated] What a great idea, I could get a job! [Miranda puts her head down her arms, completely resigned] Oh, I'm sorry... What were you saying to me, Miranda?

Miranda:
Huh? Oh, no, I think getting a job is a great idea.

Gordo:
So, when do you start?

Lizzie McGuire:
I start tomorrow.

Miranda:
Oh. But I thought we were all supposed to hang out at the mall tomorrow.

Lizzie McGuire:
Oh, well, we can hang here instead. It'll be fun.

Gordo:
Are you sure? Uh, we don't wanna get you in trouble.

Lizzie McGuire:
Oh, no, I think it'll be fine. Plus, I think I can swing for some free drinks for my friends.

Gordo:
Free? Free is my favorite number.

Gordo:
[after Miranda receives a card from Matt] I think Matt's over Melina.

Miranda:
I know, I give such good advice.

Gordo:
No, no. You're missing my point here. He's over Melina, 'cause he's got a crush on you.

Miranda:
Please, this is Matt! He's just giving me a thank you card.

Gordo:
Yeah. [Miranda opens it and screams. The card shows pictures of them together] I hate being right all the time. So, when you and Matt get married, are you gonna move in here or are you gonna get an apartment, or... what?

Miranda:
Gordo! Good, you're home. Matt's crush on me has gone really voodoo!

Gordo:
Ah, isn't that great.

Miranda:
No, it's horrible!

Gordo:
Maybe for you, but for me it's endlessly entertaining.

Miranda:
He just asked me out on a date!

Gordo:
So I guess the "let's just be friends" thing didn't work.

Miranda:
Oh... Gordo, what do I say?

Gordo:
Well, if you don't do something quick, you're gonna be Mrs. Matt McGuire.

Matt McGuire:
You do not have to listen to her, Nobby. She's a Grinch. Only the Grinch smells better.

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
And the old folks won't have anywhere to spend Christmas. Bummer.

Matt McGuire:
Couldn't they stay with us? I can share my room.

Jo McGuire:
Oh, honey, there are two-hundred-and-forty of them.

Matt McGuire:
They can share Lizzie's room too!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[about Santa/Steven Tyler] Santa just said "righteous".

[Lizzie is hiding a decapitated school statue]

Miranda Sanchez:
Why don't you tell them Kate broke it?

Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire:
Because middle school doesn't have a witness protection program.

the statue head:
Hey you kids, cut that out!

Mrs. Carrabino:
Can I get anything for you boys? Pamento loaf? Balogna roll-up? Lime gelatin mold?

Matt McGuire:
Uh, no. Not when there's work to be done. So we're just going to take out the trash.

Mrs. Carrabino:
No.

Matt McGuire:
Rake some leaves?

Mrs. Carrabino:
No. You lucky little boys get to clean my attic! HAAAAAA!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
How about this: We smuggle you into Canada in the hole of a fishing boat. Then, when the heat dies down we come and get you. You'll change your name and get a job as a lumberjack. From then, you'll be known as Friar Jaques.

Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire:
Okay, Gordo, what's the plan?

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I told you the plan, but you didn't like the plan.

Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire:
But you always have a plan!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
I did! It was Canada!

David 'Gordo' Gordon:
[after his plan to "save" Lizzie fails] Oh, Canada...