Llama Cop

Captain Foley:
Do you know how many parents groups are up my ass right now? It's like a goddamn bake sale!

Det. Joe Bauer:
Trust me it could be a long time before anything happens. [Intense, suspenseful music] ["11 1/2 hours later"]

Vladim:
You better not have any of your cop friends around otherwise say goodbye to your pretty little head. By the way you smell wonderful... Like a mahogany bull.

Det. Joe Bauer:
My new partner's going to make you eat your own poop.

Father Rublev:
What I did, I did for my people.

Pavel:
And for money. We make a lot more as a church with drugs as we did as a church without drugs.

Father Rublev:
Guns down detectives. [He holds up his hostage, FRANCESCA CALLAHAN]

Det. Joe Bauer:
You do realize that's Callahan's EX-wife, right?

Father Rublev:
[Curses in Russian] This is what happens when you plan last minute.

Father Rublev:
You wouldn't shoot me, I am a man of God [he draws a gun, BAUER and CALLAHAN shoot him] .

Det. Joe Bauer:
Tell him we said hi.

Det. Joe Bauer:
[At McClane's memorial site] But we got them, in the end we got them, Roger.

Ricky McClane:
Tell him more about how you shot that priest in the face.

Det. Joe Bauer:
He knows, Ricky, he knows.

Ricky McClane:
That's so cool. Do people really poop themselves when they die?

Det. Joe Bauer:
Yeah.

Russian Guard:
[In Russian with Subtitles] Stop, what are you doing here?

Det. Buddy Callahan:
[Llama sounds in Russian with Subtitles] I am the plumber, I am hear to fix a leaky pipe.

Russian Guard:
[In Russian with Subtitles] Okay, go ahead.

Dr. Kristen Reynolds:
Are you still having that dream?

Det. Joe Bauer:
You mean the one where I'm in high school and everyone's wearing bird masks, throwing dirt on me, saying "Dirty Joe needs a bath! Dirty Joe Needs a bath?"

Dr. Kristen Reynolds:
The one about McClane... Are you having that other dream?

Det. Joe Bauer:
...No.

Captain Foley:
Do you know how many lawyers are up my ass? It's like goddamn Capitol Hill up there!

Capt. Foley:
Just grab someone off the street no probably cause. Do you want to know how many lawyers can fit up my a - ? It's like godda - Capitol Hill up there.

Det. Joe Bauer:
It's a double cross! It's a double cross!

Captain Foley:
You want to see what the Mayor's shoes look like? Because right now the Mayor is so FAR up my ASS that's all that's sticking out. Two fat ankles and a pair of Rockports.

Ricky McClane:
You should make them eat their own poop [repeated line]

Captain Foley:
Do you want to know what the mayor's shoes look like? Because right now the mayor is so far UP my ASS that that's all that's left. Two fat ankles and a pair of Rockports sticking out.