Long Kiss Goodnight

Samantha:
What happened?

Mitch:
I saved your ass. It was great.

Mitch:
The last time I got blown, candy bars cost a nickel.

Timothy:
You're about to have 2.4 children.

Charlie:
...It ain't over. You're going to die screaming... and I'm going to watch. Am I telling the truth?

Caitlin, Caine:
Mommy, am I gonna die?

Charlie:
Oh, no, baby, no. You're not going to die. They are. Cover your ears. Hey, should we get a dog?

Mitch:
So, you cold?

Charlie:
Yeah. Freezing.

Mitch:
Turn on the heat. It doesn't work, but it makes a very annoying noise - distracts from the cold.

Charlie:
I'm leaving the country, Mitch. I need a fake passport and I need money, lots of it.

Mitch:
Well why didn't you say so? Hold on a minute while I pull that outta my ass.

Charlie:
I let you touch me, cowboy. I think I need a bath.

Charlie:
You couldn't hit a lake if you're standing on the bottom.

Charlie:
Life is pain. Get used to it.

Hal:
I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't swear. Oh sh*t. I DO smoke and drink.

Mitch Henessey:
What I'm saying is, back when we first met, you were all like "Oh phooey, I burned the darn muffins." Now, you go into a bar, ten minutes later, sailors come runnin' out. What up with that?

Charlie:
They're gonna blow my head off, you know. This is the last time I'll ever be pretty.

Mitch Henessey:
I never did one thing right in my life, you know that? Not one. That takes skill.

Charlie:
No thanks. I'm saving myself 'til I get raped.

Samantha Caine:
What, are you a Mormon?

Mitch Henessey:
Yes, I'm a Mormon. That's why I just smoked a pack of Newport and drank three vodka tonics.

Nathan:
Alice, please? Your dog, Alice - it and my appetite are mutually exclusive.

Alice:
Well, what's wrong with the dog?

Nathan:
Simple: he's been licking his a**hole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there is nothing there worth more than an hour's attention and I should think that whatever he is attempting to dislodge, is either gone for good... or there to stay.

Charlie:
Were you always this stupid, or did you take lessons?

Mitch Henessey:
I took lessons.

Charlie:
You thinking what I'm thinking?

Mitch Henessey:
I hope not, 'cause I'm thinking how much my balls hurt.

Charlie:
Oh honey, only four inches?

Timothy:
You'll feel me.

Mitch Henessey:
...everyone knows, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of "u" and "umption".

Mitch Henessey:
We jumped out of a building.

Nathan:
Yes, it was very exciting. Tomorrow we go to the zoo.

Mitch Henessey:
I'm always frank and earnest with women. Uh, in New York I'm Frank, and Chicago I'm Ernest.

Charlie:
Easy, sport. Got myself out of Beirut once, I think I can get out of New Jersey.

Mitch Henessey:
Yeah, well don't be so sure. Others have tried and failed. The entire population, in fact.

Charlie:
Chefs do that.

Charlie:
Die screaming motherf***er.

Mitch Henessey:
You foxy b*tch.

Timothy:
Continue dying. Out.

Charlie:
Suck my dick, every one of you bastards.

Charlie:
Goddamn it. You're early. So Perkins wants me dead, huh? What's the rush? Why don't you just go away and come back at midnight? Shoo.

Mitch Henessey:
This ain't no ham on rye pal.

Charlie:
What the hell are you doing?

Mitch Henessey:
Saving your life. I would have been here sooner, but I was thinkin' up that 'ham on rye' line.

Mitch Henessey:
How did you find us?

Nathan:
There may be many reasons not to kill you, but among them is not that you'll be missed by NASA. I found the address in your coat. Here. Between the address of a topless bar, and the picture of what looks like a man's penis.

Mitch Henessey:
That's a duck, not a dick.

Samantha:
It's like I'm in goddamn prison. Do you know how that feels?

Mitch Henessey:
"YEAH. YEAH, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT'S LIKE. FOUR YEARS inside, Marion, Illinois. A REAL shithole. AND I'M NOT GOING BACK."

Luke (A.K.A. Daedalus):
A woman's face never looks quite so beautiful as when it's distended in pain. Witness the beauty of childbirth.

Charlie:
Good morning, Raymond.

Raymond:
Good morning, Miss Caine.

Charlie:
What have we learned about the dangers of smoking? Give it here.

Charlie:
Thanks. Tell anyone you saw me... I'll blow your f***ing head off.

Charlie:
No. It's not a fantasy. I'm in the goddamn P.T.A...

Caitlin, Caine:
I can't!

Samantha Caine:
Yes you can. You're one of the X-Men!

Caitlin, Caine:
Mommy, I hit my head!

Timothy:
And Charlie... you f*** with me, I'll blind the kid and shoot out her knees.

Geena:
Samuel, this movie sucks in every way possible.

Samuel:
so what? I’m not going to watch it.

Geena:
suck my dick.