Long Way Round

Ewan McGregor:
[as Obi-Wan Kenobi] These aren't the bikes you're looking for.

Ewan McGregor:
There's no "I" in "team", but as Russ pointed out the other day there is a "me".

Ewan McGregor:
I said, "Eve, I want you to look after my wedding ring while I'm away," and she started to cry and I said, "Eve. Eve, I can't wear my ring or I won't get laid on the trip!"

Ewan McGregor:
Claudio, there is no problem between Charley and me, Charley tell him.

Charley Boorman:
There's a terrible problem with us - we hate each other.

Ewan McGregor:
Scots: inventors of the modern world. You're welcome.

Ewan McGregor:
[doing a video diary] Where in this place called White Horse... maybe it's not called White Horse.

Ewan McGregor:
[takes video to motel room, Charley answers door] Charley.

Charley Boorman:
Yeah?

Ewan McGregor:
Where are we?

Charley Boorman:
In a motel.

Ewan McGregor:
No, what's the name of the town?

Charley Boorman:
Uh... something donkey. Isn't it? Slim's Donkey or Knuckle Donkey? Starving Donkey! Ur... I donno.

Ewan McGregor:
[now inside the motel room] Ok, the upshot is we have no idea where we are. Can't remember the name of the town that we're in. Oh! It might be on the receipt. [checks receipt] Hungry Horse!

Ewan McGregor:
[after trying, and failing, to float a Malteaser above his lips, Charley discovers the lost lollie in the hood of Ewan's jumper] Malteaser's in the hooood, shiiit!

Ewan McGregor:
It's all just about the motorbikes. It always has been, it always will be.

Ewan McGregor:
I just had one of the most extraordinary days on The Road of Bones. We started at 7:30 and we didn't stop for a break 'til 6:30 this evening. They were twelve of the most exciting hours of motorcycling I've ever done in my life, unbelievable. The roads were just deteriorated and deteriorated. We were riding on mud, gravel, and puddles, and pot holes, and rivers, and bogs. It was just everything thrown at us at once.

Ewan McGregor:
But It's beautiful here, far Eastern Russia is just gorgeous. There were places today that looked very like Scotland, remind me of Scotland. And I've been struck by how much the world looks like Scotland, and it ust adds to my theory, you know, that we, we made the rest of, the rest of the world in Scotland. We made it all, you know, we made it all in the image of our homeland.

Charley Boorman:
What have we let ourselves in for? I mean this is, really is the back and beyond of absolutely nowhere. I mean It's just extraordinary.

Charley Boorman:
I'm in awe of it, and I'm completely terrified at the the same time.

Charley Boorman:
I like my mate, Ewan. He looks after me.

Charley Boorman:
It was balls, cow balls, sheep balls, and goat balls, and there were 200 of them. Ewan went first. He's very good at eating that kind of stuff, he can do it.

Ewan McGregor:
[jedi impression] You must do what you think is right, of course... I need my cloak! it doesn't work without my cloak!

[KTM, Charley's first choice for their motorcycle supplier, turns them down]

Ewan McGregor:
They think that we might fail.

Charley Boorman:
Then we'll do it on the BMW's and show them what a [beep] great big mistake they made.

[on the last day, before the riders head into Manhattan, Ewan and Charley are told they need to have a short interview with a sales rep from BMW, who appears on a motorcycle, helmeted]

Russ Malkin:
This is Laurence from BMW.

Charley Boorman:
Hello, Laurence.

Russ Malkin:
Laurence, this is Ewan...

["Laurence" takes off his helmet and turns around]

Ewan McGregor:
DAD!

[as they cross the bridge]

Charley Boorman:
We did it! New York!

Eve Mavrakis:
[Cracking up laughing after seeing Ewan for the first time with his unkempt beard] I want it off! I want it off to see you! Oh my God, it's so bizarre, it's like there's no 'you', you've just got this thing!

Ewan McGregor:
[Said to camera when "bumping" into Ted while in Mongolia] This is Ted Simon who wrote Jupiter's Travel's, our hero and guru, and the reason why we're all here. Ted Simon wrote Jupiter's Travel's and if you haven't read it yet you should go and buy it now.

Ted Simon (Himself):
I think the motorcycle is best because it puts you so much in contact with everything. You experience much more closely the nature of the terrain and almost taste the cultures' that you're riding through, because it exposes you to the climate and to the wind and rain and it's a much more complete experience.

Ewan McGregor:
[Said in a posh British accent] Hi! We're from the BBC! Any snuff?