Longhorns

Kevin:
Ain't you done yet?

Justin:
When you're bigger'n Dallas it takes longer.

Kevin:
If dumb were dirty, you'd cover an acre.

Justin:
Well, if brains was dynamite you couldn't blow your nose.

Kevin:
D'you know it's, uh, Wear-Jeans-If-You're-Gay Day?

Cesar:
Of course. I organized it.

Kevin:
[dropping smile] Oh... sh*t. That... That's cool.

Kevin:
[voiceover while masturbating] That Cesar's probably lurkin' at some rest stop this very minute or sniffin' jock straps at the gym. What that poor boy must be going through.

Cesar:
And what are you?

Kevin:
Just yer average good-ole-boy.

Cesar:
Who could charm the skin off a rattlesnake.

Marsha:
I'm curious. Just how many grades DID you flunk?

Kevin:
[voiceover] Wow. He... He ain't got nothin' I ain't seen in gym class.

Cesar:
[as Kevin prepares to take a shower] Should I close my eyes?

Kevin:
[slipping off his underwear with a smile] Too late.

Cesar:
You're hotter than a billy-goat in a pepper patch.

Kevin:
You're makin' fun of me.

Cesar:
Never.

Kevin:
[voiceover] Wow-wee! If he were a girl, I'd be ridin' a gravy train with biscuit wheels.

Justin:
[barging in] Hey, cum-guzler!

Kevin:
Jesus! You heard of knockin'?

Justin:
Woo, who put a bug up your ass?

Steve:
I don't know what it is, Kevin. Somethin' about you brings out my frisky side.

Cesar:
Don't "Hi" me, closet-whore.

Danny:
Why do you keep doin' this stuff behind my back, 'n not includin' me?

Steve:
Well... because you're repressed.

Justin:
I got butt-naked for you, dick-breath. You owe me.

Cesar:
Will you marry me?

Marsha:
Well, I would.

Marsha:
But you're a total fag and I'm a total b*tch.

Marsha:
We just couldn't get our children into the good schools.