Lost Girl

Bo:
You b*tches are witches.

Kenzi:
My head is pounding harder than a sailor on shore leave.

Lauren:
Less Gaelic wisdom, more looking for makeshift surgical tools!

Saskia:
You b*tch!

Bo:
You have to calm down and listen to me. You're my mother. I don't want to hurt you.

Saskia:
And I didn't want to have to kill you. Sh*t changes!

Kenzi:
Thanks for another mind-blowing day.

Bo:
You're welcome. Swamp freaks, headless guys, people eaters. You can't say I haven't introduced you to some intresting people.

Kenzi:
No, ma'am. Here.

[Kenzi gives Bo an ice pack]

Kenzi:
I hate this job. The pay is sh*t. It's dangerous as hell, but life with you, my dear, is never boring.

Bo:
Right back at you.

Dyson:
Yeah, you two never shut up. So either you're scheming, or it's my lucky day. Thing is, I'm not that lucky, so... what?

Kenzi:
Oh, my god. Guys, this just in. You're a police man, who's also his own police dog! How did I not see this before? Seriously, dude!

Dyson:
Yes, it's blood.

Bo:
Well, I know it's blood, but is it his or hers?

Dyson:
It's cow blood, Ladies. Enjoy.

Dyson:
It's a pack thing, babe.

Kenzi:
Oh, my god.

Dyson:
You're hurt.

Bo:
You're perceptive.

Lauren:
It's the Co2 bubbles. Gives the dough its light, airy texture. You add just the right amount of baking powder, and then measure the fat content to retain the gas bubbles, and then throw in eggs as a binding element.

Hale:
The Amazons won't listen to me.

Kenzi:
Because of your stupid penis?

Hale:
I prefer 'untested leadership'.

Traso:
Name?

Kenzi:
[Southern accent] Kenzi Von Clare. I'm Bo's honeybee, and I'm here for some sugar.

Traso:
But... you're human!

Kenzi:
Trust me: the shorter the lifespan, the deeper the quicksand!

The Morrigan:
If I hadn't just had my nails done, I'd rip your beating heart out myself.

Bruce:
You're too kind.

Lauren:
Since there's no physiological reason for your mesmeric impotence...

Vex:
Ah, I made you do that!

Lauren:
No, actually that was just an itch.

Vex:
Damn you!

Hale:
Listen, what's it like with a succubus. Tell me.

Dyson:
You remember Daphne?

Hale:
A nymph?

Dyson:
Uh-huh.

Hale:
Hourly, yes!

Dyson:
Well I lost her number and I don't even care...

Dyson:
Bo, meet Eddie, Light Fae. Likes to wear corpses around and gets himself in all kinds of trouble.

Eddie:
Ha! Remember those Elvis sightings back in the 70-s? Yeah, that was all Eddie.

Hugin:
One for sorrow...

Bo:
...two for mirth.

Hugin:
Three for a funeral...

Bo:
...four for birth.

Hugin:
Five for heaven...

Bo:
...six for hell.

Munin:
And seven is a devil, his own self.

Vex:
Looky, looky, looky, lu. Look who's come out clubbing! The unaligned love machine!

Vex:
If you were to die now, there would be no one to avenge you, would there? But that would just put a damper on the evenings festivities.

Bo:
Vex!

Vex:
I'm sorry, am I disturbing you? Oh wait, it's the other way around.

Vex:
Now I have to listen to you two whine about the bloody Garuda. 'Oh, what should we do? He's so mean and unstoppable!'

Bo:
Nobody said that!

Vex:
Well, he is!

Vex:
Fine. It's your party, you can whine if you want to. I'll be here, trying not to think about what's left behind on a succubus' couch.

Bo:
There's a stack of maps and paper in the liar.

Kenzi:
I got a D in geography, babe.

Vex:
well, what's so important about Trick, anyway? Yes, he let's you drink for free, but he's hardly worth you putting your lives, and more importantly, my life, on the line.

Bo:
Trick is architect of the peace.

Vex:
You're trying to tell me that imp is the blood king?... I never touched this.

Vex:
Blimey, we really are buggered.

Kenzi:
What language is this? It's like a cross between hieroglyphics and a doctor's prescription pad.

Vex:
Oh, go ahead and merge naughty bits already! I mean, seriously, am I the only one seeing this?

Kenzi:
Dude was like a fey Jerry Springer.

Vex:
No offense, darling, but I don't know where you've been.

Dyson:
Nowhere worse than you.

Vex:
Yeah, well, at least I draw the line at sleeping with dogs!

Detective Hale:
Val?

Kenzi:
Baba Yaga wasn't available?

Bo:
And there is no guarantee we will make it out alive.

Vex:
Hmmm. This is supposed to motivating.

Dyson:
Bo, we're all one hundred percent by you.

Detective Hale:
Bo's the best!

Detective Hale:
Everything okay?

Kenzi:
Are you kidding me? It's better than Call of Duty 3.

Lauren:
How are you doing?

Vex:
Oh, peachy. Yeah, lying down has relieved the pain in my shattered arm completely.

Vex:
Sorry darlin', but I'm still not comfortable with that idea.

Lauren:
Well you better get comfortable, because I'm going to shove this arm so far down your throat, you'll be mesmerizing your own bowel movements.

Vex:
Oh, when you put it like that.

Lauren:
How are you?

Vex:
Well, liking life. Loving that succubus.

Lauren:
Kenzi?

Kenzi:
Wha... What happened? Did I get roofied again?

Vex:
Well, what are we waitin' for? Stab the little bugger!

Vex:
You know, I have to say, darlin'. I'm very impressed with you, you didn't disappoint me nearly half as much as I thought you would.

Kenzi:
[scrubbing her mouth vigorously after ingesting human corpse-based soup] Anybody got a breath mint?

Lauren:
[examining a patient] I'm not liking what I'm seeing: could it be due to someone you ate?

Vex:
Do you think I made the Morrigan my sex puppet for fun?

Bo:
Ew.

The Norn:
No, you wouldn't dare.

Kenzi:
Oh yes, I would. I'm human remember? We drive SUV's, and we dump raw sewage into pretty lakes, and we will burn this planet to the ground if it means just one more cheeseburger.

Bo:
You like to watch, I get it. We all have our kinks.

Trick:
Bo. She's just a kid.

The Morrigan:
You'll pay!

Paulo:
Yeah? What are you gonna do? Unsexy break dance me to death?

Vex:
Now what should we do for the finale? The worm perhaps? While naked!

The Morrigan:
VEX!

Kenzi:
What, did the Norn also take your cojones? Huh?

Dyson:
Actually, uhh...

Kenzi:
What? When? Oh. You made a joke.

Dyson:
I guess you bring out the worst in me.

Kenzi:
We gotta get back the best of you.

Kenzi:
You'd be surprised how many of my transactions involve power tools.

Vex:
This is worrisome.

Bo:
She can do... whatever that was?

Vex:
Why do you think she's leader of the dark?

Redcap:
It tingles.

The Morrigan:
This won't.

Bo:
You really do have a death wish, don't you, vex?

Vex:
Eh, that's just a tap between friends. She'll get over it. But let's not dilly dally, ey?

Vex:
What do you say we take the, uh, sex goose? Just for giggles.

Bo:
Dream on.

Vex:
Oi, cupcakes, eh, toothpaste?

Kenzi:
Footlocker.

Bo:
And take off my kimono!

Bo:
But you and Vex are like an evil Hall and Oates!

The Morrigan:
They're not evil?

Lauren:
Bo, what happened? Who did this to you?

Bo:
Oh it's uh, Red Caps. I uhm... I need...

Lauren:
To heal, yes! Of course! *unbutton blouse*

Bo:
Oh no... uhm no... I was gonna say an aspirin.

Lauren:
Right... *disappointed*

Vex:
There you are, my little crumpet! Ah, ah, ah, it's not nice to point! Let's see how you like it!

Kenzi:
Excuse me, Vex, dude. Look, I know you're all powerful and you could probably take me down too, but if you do, your boys are coming with me.

Vex:
I'll tell you what. You bring him to me so I can question him, and I'll see to it that a very large sum of money makes its way into the pockets of your tight, tight pants.

Bo:
And then?

Vex:
I'll hand Jason back, and you can buy a place with walls.

Kenzi:
If you hurt my best friend again, one day, in the future, anthropologists will find your skeleton in an unmarked grave with a massive, massive, life ending blow to your head, by a totally awesome chick that rhymes with frenzy.

Detective Hale:
You want some pancakes with that syrup?

Kenzi:
One more word. One more word, and I'll be having siren with my syrup.

Detective Hale:
You're getting nasty in your old age.

Kenzi:
How did you do that?

Detective Hale:
I got skills.

Kenzi:
Will you marry me?

Detective Hale:
Nah, you drink too much.

Bo:
I don't want to hurt you lady, now step away from the pervert.

Vex:
Your plan to murder me failed, and in a lovely twist of irony, your friend, the dominatrix, now finds herself in bondage.

Bo:
[after Kenzi realizes Bo's not human] Don't freak out.

Kenzi:
[shouting] I'm freaking out!

Bo:
[rhetorically] What did I just say?

Bo:
Don't freak out!

Kenzi:
I'm freaking out.

Bo:
What did I just say?

Bo:
Now we know, anyone could be Fae.

Kenzi:
My bets on wiener dude.

Bo:
Did you feel that? That was like the fourth of July in my mouth.

Kenzi:
Learn to enjoy your sh*t already, you can frickin' control people by touch, and not in a creepy hand job way. That is awesome.

The Morrigan:
If you survive your test today, you'll have the opportunity to join a side. Problem solved.

Bo:
Join? Why the hell would I want to do that?

The Morrigan:
We take care of our own. We place you in a human occupation that is to our advantage, help with the disposal of your kills, etc. etc. Oh, and dental.

Bo:
Every single snake at the zoo has disappeared!

Kenzi:
Maybe they're on a plane?

Ciara:
Ah, the Wolf Spirit. Stefan went in search of her once, before he asked for my hand.

Dyson:
What happened?

Ciara:
He ate some truly awful mushrooms, and spent three days talking to a tree. Lovely man.

The Morrigan:
[Kenzi and Bo are shocked to see the Morrigan again] Surprise!... and color me shocked. Imagine the unaligned succubus finally yanking her head from between her shapely legs and coming over to the only side that matters.

Bo:
Well it wasn't by choice, lady and I'm having it annulled as soon as you give me Vex.

The Morrigan:
Vex? Since when is that pervert capable of anything above the belt?

Kenzi:
He imprisoned your brassy beaver. [the Morrigan and Bo both look at Kenzi] Right, Vex... Vex bad. Vex Messmer... poop.

Bo:
Oh, Shazbot!

Kenzi:
Hey guys, how would I know if the dude was inside me?

Detective Hale:
Been awhile?

Ciara:
Man. Where am I?

Lauren:
Who am I?

Kenzi:
Why are my pants so tight?

Dyson:
What the hell is on my face?

Detective Hale:
Oh dear. Have we... Have we switched bodies?

Dyson:
Uh, Bobo, I got the wolf junk, babe.

Kenzi:
Don't touch it. Don't touch anything.

Dyson:
Check me out! Kickin' it in the wolf man! Yeah!

Kenzi:
Kenzi, sit down before you break something.

Dyson:
Roger. Wow, did you hear my voice? That was, like, so sexy. Roger.

Dyson:
What we need to do is sit them down and play a little game. Good cop, Kenzi cop!

Dyson:
He was in your body for, what, ten minutes, until he death sucked Ciara like an evil vacuum.

Dyson:
Although, I must admit, it does feel like he's got a bit of a foot fetish going on in here.

Woods:
I think that's still you, Kenz.

Dyson:
What if Dyson can't stop Reynard? What if he gets my wee body... dead?

Woods:
Then you'll both have to share Dyson's.

Dyson:
That's not funny, Bo. How would we work the bathroom?

Dyson:
And you.

Kenzi:
Yes?

Dyson:
You are weak, pathetic, and you need glasses.

Kenzi:
oh, wow. That's... That's kind of mean.

Dyson:
It's a miracle you've survived this long, Kenz. You might just be the strongest person I have ever met.

Dyson:
I can't touch him unless some hard evidence falls into my lap.

Bo:
Well, evidence is going to fall so hard, you're going to be singing soprano.

Bo:
What happened?

Kenzi:
The chic click didn't appreciate my accessorization skills. Especially when I tried to pierce Heather number one's nose with a pen!

Dyson:
Hey. Did you guys get anything yet?

Bo:
A lecture from the vice principal and 27 invitations to the dance. One delivered in soliloquy.

Kenzi:
How nice!

Bo:
You?

Dyson:
A fist bump. Kenz, you?

Kenzi:
Well I was attacked by rabid Muffys, manhandled by Coach 'Bitchy Butch' and I got detention.

Bo:
We are not getting far are we?

Kenzi:
Teen angst. Our greatest foe.

Vex:
Hook up illegal cable and what do I get? Threats against my junk. Typical.

Tamsin:
Say, do you guys know where the mall is?

Tamsin:
You've disappointed me. You've failed. You should be unconscious by now.

Vex:
I hear you've been sharing family business with outsiders. Bad vampire.

Bo:
You know, I think you're the first person I'm going to enjoy killing.

Vex:
Well that's awfully judgmental, you barely know me!

Bo:
You cut out Siegfried's heart, and forced a woman to drown her own children.

Vex:
Well, I never said I was perfect, did I?

Dyson:
You. Go!

Vex:
To be continued then?

Dyson:
I said go!

Bo:
Just a snack

Kenzi:
Bo that's enough, Bo stop you're killing her, Bo stop! Bo stop its me.

Bo:
I'm sorry, thanks for the cock block

Kenzi:
Yeah, maybe next time I'll do it from a distance.

Bo:
It's kind of tough growing up thinking you might have a shot at being prom queen, and then to find out that you're part of some ageless secret race that feeds on humans.

Kenzi:
I hate it when that happens.