Lost in Translation

Bob:
What are you doing?

Charlotte:
My husband's a photographer, so he's here working. I wasn't doing anything so I came along.

Bob:
What do you do?

Charlotte:
I'm not sure yet, actually.

Bob:
Can you keep a secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break. We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out?

Charlotte:
I'm in.

Charlotte:
I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.

Bob:
You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

Charlotte:
I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. I guess every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, horses... taking pictures of your feet.

Stills Photographer:
Are you drinking, no?

Bob:
Am I drinking? As soon as I'm done.

Charlotte:
You're probably just having a mid-life crisis. Did you buy a Porsche yet?

Kelly:
John, John. You are my favorite photographer.

John:
Ohhh...

Kelly:
No. You are. I only want you to shoot me. It's true.

Kelly:
Oh my God, I have the worst B.O. right now, I'm sorry.

Bob:
For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.

Bob:
What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?

Ms. Kawasaki:
He want you to turn and look in camera. Okay?

Bob:
Is that all he said?

Premium Fantasy woman:
Mr. Kazu sent me, premium fantasy. My stockings. Rip them.

Premium Fantasy woman:
Rip my stockings. Yes, please, rip them.

Bob:
What?

Premium Fantasy woman:
Rip them. HEY! Rip my stocking!

Bob:
Hey? Lip them? Lip them? What?

Premium Fantasy woman:
Oh Mr. Harris! Don't touch me! Mr. Bob Harris! Just rip my stocking!

Bob:
I don't get that close to the glass until I'm on the floor.

Bob:
You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think, "Where the hell's the whiskey?"

Stills Photographer:
You know double-O-7?

Bob:
He drinks martinis, but all right.

Kelly:
I'm under Evelyn Waugh.

Charlotte:
Evelyn Waugh was a man.

John:
Why do you have to point out how stupid everyone is all the time?

Bob:
You're not hopeless.

Bob:
I was feeling tight in the shoulders and neck, so I called down and had a Shiatsu massage in my room...

Charlotte:
Mmh, that's nice!

Bob:
And the tightness has completely disappeared and been replaced by unbelievable pain.

Bob:
It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.

Charlotte:
It's scary.

Bob:
The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.

Charlotte:
Nobody ever tells you that.

Bob:
Your life, as you know it... is gone. Never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk... and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.

Charlotte:
That's nice.

Bob:
Enjoy your fright.

Bob:
Enjoy my jacket, which you stole from me.

Lydia Harris:
Do I need to worry about you, Bob?

Bob:
Only if you want to.

Charlotte:
So, what are you doing here?

Bob:
Uh, a couple of things. Taking a break from my wife, forgetting my son's birthday. And, uh, getting paid two million dollars to endorse a whiskey when I could be doing a play somewhere.

Charlotte:
Oh.

Bob:
But the good news is, the whiskey works.

Charlotte:
Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun.

Bob:
I don't want to leave.

Charlotte:
So don't. Stay here with me. We'll start a jazz band.

Director:
[in Japanese] Mr. Bob-san, you are relaxing in your study. On the table is a bottle of Suntory whiskey. Got it? Look slowly, with feeling, at the camera, and say it gently – say it as if you were speaking to an old friend. Just like Bogie in Casablanca, "Here's looking at you, kid" – Suntory time.

Ms. Kawasaki:
Umm. He want you to turn, looking at camera. Okay?

Bob:
That's all he said?

Ms. Kawasaki:
Yes. Turn to camera.

Bob:
All right. Does he want me to turn from the right, or turn from the left?

Ms. Kawasaki:
[to director, in Japanese] Uh, umm. He's ready now. He just wants to know if he's supposed to turn from the left or turn from the right when the camera rolls. What should I tell him?

Director:
[in Japanese] What difference does it make! Makes no difference! Don't have time for that! Got it, Bob-san? Just psych yourself up, and quick! Look straight at the camera. At the camera. And slowly. With passion. Straight at the camera. And in your eyes there's... passion. Got it?

Ms. Kawasaki:
[to Bob] Right side. And with intensity. Okay?

Bob:
Is that everything? It seemed like he said quite a bit more than that.

Director:
[to Bob, in Japanese] Listen, listen. This isn't just about whiskey. Understand? Imagine you're talking to an old friend. Gently. The emotions bubble up from the bottom of your heart. And don't forget, psych yourself up!

Ms. Kawasaki:
Like an old friend. And, into the camera.

Bob:
Okay.

Director:
[in Japanese] Got it? You love whiskey. It's Suntory time. Okay?

Bob:
Okay.

Charlotte:
So, what are you doing here?

Bob:
Uh, a couple of things. Taking a break from my wife, forgetting my son's birthday. And, uh, getting paid two million dollars to endorse a whiskey when I could be doing a play somewhere.

Charlotte:
Oh.

Bob:
But the good news is, the whiskey works. [Charlotte laughs] What are you doing?

Charlotte:
My husband's a photographer, so he's here working. I wasn't doing anything so I came along. And we have some friends that live here.

Bob:
How long you've been married? [lights Charlotte's cigarette]

Charlotte:
Oh, thank you. Two years.

Bob:
Try twenty-five.

Charlotte:
You're probably just having a mid-life crisis. Did you buy a Porsche yet?

Bob:
You know, I was thinking about buying a Porsche.

Charlotte:
Twenty-five years. That's, uh, well it's impressive.

Bob:
Well you figure, you sleep one-third of your life, that knocks out eight years of marriage right there. So you're, y'know, down to sixteen and change. You know you're just a teenager, at marriage; you can drive it but there's still the occasional accident.

Charlotte:
[laughs] Yeah.

Bob:
What do you do?

Charlotte:
I'm not sure yet, actually. I just graduated last spring.

Bob:
What did you study?

Charlotte:
Philosophy.

Bob:
Yeah, there's a good buck in that racket.

Charlotte:
Well, so far it's pro bono.

Bob:
Well, I'm sure you'll figure out the angles.

Charlotte:
Yeah. I hope your Porsche works out. Cheers to that, huh?

Bob:
Cheers to that.

Kelly:
Listen, I'm under Evelyn Waugh. Shh. Okay?

John:
Okay, yeah!

Kelly:
Okay, arigato. [to Charlotte] Aarigato.

John:
[laughing] Moshi moshi!

[Kelly walks away]

Charlotte:
Evelyn Waugh?

John:
What?

Charlotte:
Evelyn Waugh was a man.

John:
[shocked] Oh, c'mon, she's nice. What? You know-- You know, not everyone went to Yale. Its just a pseudonym, for Christ's sake.

Charlotte:
Why do you have to defend her?

John:
Well... why do you have to point out how stupid everybody is all the time?

Charlotte:
I thought it was funny. Forget it.

Kelly:
[being interviewed] You know, I guess the reason why I like Japan the best out of all Asian countries is because I really feel close to, um, Buddhism. I really feel-- I really believe in reincarnation. That's part of what drew me to Midnight Velocity as well because although Keanu dies, he eventually gets reincarnated. So, there's hope. There's hope in reincarnation, I think.

Reporter:
What was it like working with Keanu Reeves?

Kelly:
He was always so-- He was always, you know, giving me ideas and, you know, really helpful. He made me feel really comfortable, so-- And we both have two dogs, and we both live in L.A.; so we have all these different things in common. So, you know, we both really like Mexican food and yoga and karate!

[reporters laugh]

Kelly:
Everybody is always, like, "Kelly, you are anorexic." And I'm, like, "No, I'm not!" I eat so much junk food, you wouldn't believe it! Just because I have a high metabolism.

John:
Because I thought you were anorexic too.

Kelly:
Everybody does. Everybody thinks that.

John:
Yeah, 'cause you look so--

Kelly:
Thank you! I know, but it's-- I mean, I eat whatever. I have a really high metabolism. Yeah. But, um-- My dad was an anorexic.

Charlotte:
[sarcastically] Really?

Kelly:
He, um, fought on the American side of the Bay of Pigs in Cuba. He was taken prisoner and the whole time he was there they tortured him about food. Every day they told him they put poison in the food. So, they would always make themselves throw up after every meal.

John:
That's horrible!

Charlotte:
You ever switch seats?

Bob:
Uh, I like this one. If I fall, someone will notice.

Charlotte:
Yeah. So, you having a nice time?

Bob:
Can you keep a secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break. I need like, what, an accomplice. We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out?

Charlotte:
I'm in.

Bob:
Good.

Charlotte:
I'll go pack my stuff.

Bob:
Get your coat.

Charlotte:
See ya. [walks away]

Bob:
I hope you've had enough to drink. It's gonna take courage.

Charlotte:
How long are you here for?

Bob:
I'll be in the bar the rest of the week.

[Bob is wearing an orange camouflage t-shirt]

Charlotte:
You really are having a mid-life crisis.

Bob:
Really? I was afraid of that. I kept telling myself that I just wanted to be ready in case we go to war tonight.

Bob:
I was feeling tight in the shoulders and neck, so I called down and had a Shiatsu massage in my room.

Charlotte:
Mmh, that's nice!

Bob:
And the tightness has completely disappeared and been replaced by unbelievable pain.

Charlotte:
Yeah. I'm in pain, I got my foot banged up. Wanna see it?

Bob:
[to Chef, sarcastically] How do you say no? Oh, my gosh! When did you do this?

Charlotte:
I did it the other day. It hurts, y'know?

Bob:
Didn't you feel any pain?

Charlotte:
Yeah, it really hurt.

Bob:
That toe is almost dead. I think I got to take you to a doctor. You can't just put that back in the shoe. Well, you either go to a doctor or you leave it here. [regarding Chef] He's smiling. You like that idea? See they love black toe in this country.

Charlotte:
You know, the first time I saw you, you were wearing a tuxedo at the bar. You were very dashing. I liked the mascara.

Bob:
[shakes his head] But the first time I saw you was in the elevator.

Charlotte:
Really?

Bob:
You don't remember?

Charlotte:
Mmm, I guess you do kind of blend in here, huh? Did I scowl at you?

Bob:
No, you smiled.

Charlotte:
I did?

Bob:
Yes, it was a complete accident. A freak. I haven't seen it since. Just that one time.

Charlotte:
Why do they switch the r's and the l's here?

Bob:
Uh, for yuks. You know? Just to mix it up. They have to amuse themselves, 'cause we're not making them laugh.

Charlotte:
Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun.

Bob:
Whatever you say. You're the boss.

[Bob and Charlotte are lying on the bed]

Charlotte:
I'm stuck. Does it get easier.

Bob:
No. Yes. It gets easier.

Charlotte:
Oh yeah? Look at you.

Bob:
Thanks. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

Charlotte:
Yeah. I just don't know what I'm supposed to be, you know. I tried being a writer, but I hate what I write. I tried taking pictures, but they were so mediocre. You know, every girl goes through a photography phase. You know, like horses... taking dumb pictures of your feet.

Bob:
You'll figure that out. I'm not worried about you. Keep writing.

Charlotte:
But I'm so mean.

Bob:
Mean's okay.

Charlotte:
Yeah? What about marriage, does that get easier?

Bob:
That's hard. We used to have a lot of fun. Lydia would come with me when I made the movies, and we would laugh about it all. Now she doesn't want to leave the kids, and she doesn't need me to be there. The kids miss me, but they're fine. It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.

Charlotte:
It's scary.

Bob:
The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.

Charlotte:
Nobody ever tells you that.

Bob:
Your life, as you know it... is gone, never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk and you wanna be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.

Charlotte:
[beginning to fall asleep] Hmm, that's nice.

Bob:
Where'd you grow up?

Charlotte:
Um, I grew up in New York, and I moved to Los Angeles when John and I got married. But it's so different there.

Bob:
Yeah, I know.

Charlotte:
John thinks I'm so snotty.

Bob:
[chuckles] You're not hopeless.

Lydia:
[over the phone] Is this a bad time?

Bob:
No, it's always a good time.

Lydia Harris:
The burgundy carpet is out of stock. It's going to take twelve weeks. Did you like any of the other colors?

Bob:
Whatever you like. I'm just completely lost.

Lydia Harris:
It's just carpet.

Bob:
That's not what I'm talking about.

Lydia Harris:
What are you talking about?

Bob:
I don't know. I just want to... get healthy. I would like to start taking better care of myself. I'd like to start eating healthier – I don't want all that pasta. I would like to start eating like Japanese food.

Lydia Harris:
[icily] Well, why don't you just stay there and you can have it every day?

[Pause]

Bob:
How are the kids doing?

Lydia Harris:
They're fine. They miss their father, but they are getting used to not seeing you. Do I need to worry about you, Bob?

Bob:
Only if you want to.

[during lunch after Charlotte caught Bob sleeping with the female jazz singer]

Charlotte:
Well, I guess she's more around your age. You guys could talk about things in common, like growing up in the fifties. Maybe she liked the movies you did in the seventies when you were still making them.

Bob:
Wasn't there anyone else around to lavish you with attention?

Charlotte:
That was the worst lunch.

Bob:
So bad. What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?

Charlotte:
When are you leaving.

Bob:
Tomorrow.

Charlotte:
I'll miss you.

Bob Harris:
My Japanese is getting better. We started speaking English.

Bob Harris:
Which one's burgundy?

Bob Harris:
My bathroom is messier than yours.

Bob Harris:
Charlotte, I'm down in the lobby and I'm leaving now. Um, I was calling to see if you still have my jacket. If you could you bring it down, but you're not there, so this is good-bye, and, uh... So, I guess, good-bye and enjoy my jacket which you stole from me.

Bob Harris:
Aren't you gonna say, "Have a good fright?"