Make Room for Daddy

Pat Hannigan:
Listen, I've been thinking real hard about this marriage.

Danny Williams:
Well, I should hope so.

Pat Hannigan:
Maybe I'm not ready, yet.

Danny Williams:
What are you talkin' about? You gotta get married sometime! You can't go through life enjoying yourself!

Terry Williams:
I know it was all my fault, but I was just trying to play Cupid.

Danny Williams:
With poison arrows?

Kathy Williams:
Tell me something, Louise.

Louise:
Yes, ma'am?

Kathy Williams:
You've worked for Mr. Williams for a pretty long time, haven't you?

Louise:
A long time - but it ain't always been pretty.

Captain Critch:
[Quoting the poem "Sea-Fever" by John Masefield] I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky, / And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by, / And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking, / And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.

Danny Williams:
[arguing with his children] I'm the father in this family! If I decide I want to get married, I certainly don't have to get the permission of my children!

Terry Williams:
Well, if you marry her, it'll be over our dead bodies.

Danny Williams:
Terry!

Rusty Williams:
Yeah! See how you like it. Walkin' down the aisle over two little corpses!

[last lines]

J. R. Willoughby:
What are you doing here? You're supposed to be drinking champagne over Denver!

Danny Williams:
Did you ever try to get on an airplane with train tickets?

Jose Jimenez:
My name: Jose Jimenez.

Louise #2:
Mr. Laine, when I hear you sing, "My heart goes where the wild goose goes," I'm ready to pack up, and join them geeses, and fly south for the winter!

Danny Williams:
That your doorbell?

Frankie Laine:
Yeah, get it for me, will you, Dan?

Danny Williams:
You mean, just ordinary chimes? I'm expecting a chorus of "Mule Train."

Frankie Laine:
Aw, don't be silly. I've got that in the California joint.

Danny Williams:
Frankie, this very rambunctious but lovely little creature is the foreign exchange student who lives with us. This is Frankie Laine. Frankie, this is Gina, one of your great fans. Goodbye.

Frankie Laine:
Wait a minute, wait a minute, not so fast with my fans. Let's not send them out to where Elvis is liable to get them.

Gina:
I have all your records.

Frankie Laine:
Really?

Gina:
I have them all. "The Cry of the Wild Goose," "Mule Train," "That Lucky Old Sun," "South of the Border," "That's My Desire," "Exactly Like You," "The Gandy Dancers Ball"...

Danny Williams:
Whoa! Hey! Stop! Bye!

Frankie Laine:
Hold it, hold it, will you? This is what I've always been looking for: A long-playing fan!

Danny Williams:
Where do you get all that energy?

Frankie Laine:
Well, I got a little deal with Perry Como. He lets me have all he doesn't use.

Frankie Laine:
This is a crazy pizza Mama Lo Vecchio made especially for Gina. Huh? Ain't that somethin'?

Danny Williams:
A pizza? Looks more like a birthday cake. Look what she's got here: "Get well Gina."

Mrs. Kathy "Clancey" Williams:
Spelled out with anchovies!

[first lines]

Kathy Williams:
For Heaven sakes, Danny, why don't you stop pacing up and down? We're expecting a foreign exchange student - not a blessed event!

Danny Williams:
Well, it feels the same! It *is* the same thing! We're gettin' a new daughter, aren't we? It's just the same thing!

Kathy Williams:
Oh well, honey, settle down.

Danny Williams:
This whole thing is cockeyed, anyway. You're Irish, I'm Lebanese, and here I'm, pacing up and down, waitin' for the delivery of a hundred-and-ten-pound Italian!

[Danny and Kathy are arguing about taking in her grandfather during one of Danny's rare weekends off]

Danny Williams:
Honey, I'm exhausted. Why don't you send him to a rest home for a couple days?

Kathy Williams:
Oh, honey, you don't know Grandpa. You can't send him to a rest home - they won't take him.

Danny Williams:
Why not?

Kathy Williams:
Well, the last rest home that had him - why they had to close down for two weeks, afterward.

Danny Williams:
What for?

Kathy Williams:
Rest!

[Rusty has found a lost wallet containing $25 at the apartment house next door]

Danny Williams:
We've got to try to find the owner and return that wallet.

Rusty Williams:
[whining] You mean, we're gonna have to give it baaack?

Danny Williams:
[mimicking Rusty] Yeah, we're gonna have to give it baaack.

Rusty Williams:
Well, there go a lot of happy moments at the drug store.

Danny Williams:
There's an old saying, I want you always to remember. It's a very good old saying: "Honesty is the best policy."

Rusty Williams:
Well, there's a good old saying that I like better.

Danny Williams:
What's that?

Rusty Williams:
"Finders keepers, losers weepers."

Danny Williams:
[to Kathy] What is it with you married women? As soon as you see a bachelor, you want to drop a noose over his neck!

[first lines]

Kathy Williams:
And furthermore, young lady, you're not going to watch television for one whole week!

Linda Williams:
Then I'll run away from home!

Kathy Williams:
Alright, Miss Smart Aleck, no television for two weeks!

Linda Williams:
Two weeks? I'll run so far away, you'll never see me again - not ever in my whole life!

Kathy Williams:
Three weeks - and go to your room!

Linda Williams:
[turning back, as she walks to her room] I'll promise to visit you once in awhile, if you change it back to one week.

[Danny, coach of his son Rusty's little league team, having demoted his son Rusty to the little league minors for poor play, tries to console him]

Danny Williams:
Hey. Hey, you remember the matin?e I took you to last week? Remember the, the show on Broadway?

Rusty Williams:
You mean "The Darn Yankees"?

Danny Williams:
[Smirks] That's close enough.

Danny Williams:
You're fired!

Phil Brokaw:
*You're* fired!

Danny Williams:
I said it first!

Phil Brokaw:
By a nose - naturally!

Mr. Kirby:
I'm Peter Kirby. I'm from London, and I'm happy to meet you.

Rusty Williams:
Well, I'm happy to meet you, too, but I don't come from anywhere; I've been here all the time.

Mr. Kirby:
Don't you want to grow up, Rusty?

Rusty Williams:
Gosh, no! Then I'd be like Daddy and never have any fun - just children.

Danny Williams:
[annoyed] Do you have to?

Rusty Williams:
Have to what?

Danny Williams:
Do you have to chew those potato chips so loud?

Rusty Williams:
Can I help it if they make 'em noisy?

Rusty Williams:
Curls are for girls. I want a butch!

[Danny consoles his son, Rusty]

Danny Williams:
I love you just as you are, I wouldn't want you any other way. I think you're the greatest kid in the whole world. I thank God everyday that you're mine.

Rusty Williams:
Even though I'm a weakling?

Danny Williams:
Oh, stop saying that. You're not a weakling! You keep on exercising, and you're gonna be strong as a bull! These exercises are gonna make you real strong!

Rusty Williams:
Well, I don't know, Daddy. How can I exercise to get strong, when I'm not strong enough to exercise?

[first lines]

Rusty Williams:
How long is Daddy gonna sleep, anyway?

Linda Williams:
Yeah, it's almost one o'clock!

Kathy Williams:
Now, honey, you know your daddy works in a nightclub.

Linda Williams:
Why can't he work in a day club?

[Danny has suggested that Kathy is buttering him up because she wants a new dress]

Kathy Williams:
Can't a wife go to a little trouble to please her husband without being suspected of having an ulterior motive?

Danny Williams:
Honey, it's been my experience that when a woman suddenly starts worrying about her husband's interior, it's because she's thinking about her exterior, which is very ulterior.

Danny Williams:
[excited over Rusty's new job] Did you hear about Rusty?

Louise:
Oh, yeah, I heard. He is the Athletic Director in charge of canine pedestrianism.

[Danny is angry with Jose for taking Rusty's job]

Danny Williams:
How would you like a punch in the nose?

Jose Jimenez:
Do you mind repeating the question?

Danny Williams:
Are you lookin' for some loose teeth?

Jose Jimenez:
I didn't lose any.

[Rusty is sulking over his father having to break a promise to him]

Rusty Williams:
I asked you to do a teensy-weensy favor for me, and you won't do it. I might as well not have a father. I might as well be an orphan.

Danny Williams:
Now, Russ!

Rusty Williams:
You're supposed to be a father and a mother to me. Boy, have you been goofing.

[Rusty has just been told that he didn't really get straight A's]

Mrs. Willoughby:
I'm afraid I'll just have to make out another report card with your real grades, and you'll have to take it home and get it signed.

Rusty Williams:
You mean my father has to know?

Mrs. Willoughby:
Why, Russell, of course! You wouldn't want to live a lie, would you?

Rusty Williams:
Mrs. Willoughby, I just wanna live!

Uncle Tonoose:
Nevermind head of the family. You couldn't be head of a moose!

Margaret Williams:
Well, don't look at me - he's your son.

Danny Williams:
You were there, too. Remember?