Manhattan Murder Mystery

Carol Lipton:
Look at you, you're all white.

Larry Lipton:
All the blood rushed to my brother!

Carol Lipton:
You promised you'd sit through a hockey game, and I promised I'd sit through the Wagner opera next week.

Carol Lipton:
I know, I know...

Larry Lipton:
I already bought the earplugs.

Carol Lipton:
Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives.

Larry Lipton:
I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.

Carol Lipton:
Larry, I think she's dead!

Larry Lipton:
Try giving her the present.

Hotel night clerk:
You are with police?

Larry Lipton:
Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requirement.

Larry Lipton:
Here, taste my tuna casserole and tell if I put in too much hot fudge.

Larry Lipton:
I haven't been on my treadmill for weeks. 572 weeks - that's 11 years.

Larry Lipton:
I like a hotel with lots of blue powder sprinkled along the base boards.

Larry Lipton:
I think it's a reasonable assumption that if you're dead you don't suddenly turn up in the New York City Transit System.

Larry Lipton:
I was in a deep sleep - I was dreaming of roundcar girls.

Larry Lipton:
I'd fix Ted up with Helen Dubin, but they'd probably get into an argument over penis envy; the poor guy suffers from it so.

Mrs. Dalton:
I'm aiming at you, lover.

Mrs. Dalton:
Of course, killing you is killing myself.

Mrs. Dalton:
But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us.

Larry Lipton:
I'll never say that art doesn't imitate life again.

Larry Lipton:
I'm a world renowned claustrophobic.

Larry Lipton:
Claustrophia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot!

Larry Lipton:
New York is the city that never sleeps! That's why we don't live in Duluth. Plus, I don't even know where Duluth is. Lucky me.

Larry Lipton:
Yes, of course you woke us - not everyone is up at 1 AM watching the porn channel.

Larry Lipton:
Ted has a mind like a steel sieve.

Larry Lipton:
Ted sees himself as Rick in Casablanca; I see him more as Peter Lorre.

Larry Lipton:
This guy gets his jollies from licking the back of postage stamps.

Ted:
I can see that, depending on who's on the stamp.

Larry Lipton:
You're suggesting we try to provoke him into murdering us?

Marcia Fox:
You have a problem with that?

Larry Lipton:
Well, either that, or I suddenly developed Parkinson's.

Larry Lipton:
My favorite thing in life is, you know, to look at cancelled postage.

Larry Lipton:
What are you making a face for? He's the father of our country.

Lillian House:
Exercising changed my life.

Larry Lipton:
I prefer to atrophy.

Paul House:
Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything?

Lillian House:
We already own twin cemetery plots.

Larry Lipton:
I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs.

Carol Lipton:
Well, they were very nice though, and they had my initials.

Larry Lipton:
Yeah, and I didn't even know her size.

Larry Lipton:
I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Larry Lipton:
There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.

Larry Lipton:
Jesus, save a little craziness for menopause!

Larry Lipton:
I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding!... Is that what you do when I'm forbidding?

Larry Lipton:
I can't believe I was worried about you and Ted, I mean take away his fake tan, his capped teeth and his Cuban heels and what have you got?

Carol Lipton:
You!

Carol Lipton:
I don't understand why you're not more fascinated with this! I mean, we could be living next door to a murderer, Larry.

Larry Lipton:
New York is a melting pot! I'm used to it!

Marilyn:
I'd like to French pastry myself to death, right now.

Larry Lipton:
My life is passing before my eyes. The worst part about it is that I'm driving a used car.

Larry Lipton:
Meanwhile, I can't get that Flying Dutchman theme out of my head. Remind me tomorrow to buy up all the Wagner records in town and rent a chainsaw.

Carol Lipton:
Did you see this? This man in Missouri killed twelve victims, dismemebered them, and ate them.

Larry Lipton:
Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle.

Ted:
I want to celebrate. You want to go see what Larry and Carol are doing?

Marcia Fox:
I think they want to be alone.

Ted:
Oh, right. Well, uh, what about you? Do you have plans?

Marcia Fox:
You're taking me to dinner, right?

Ted:
Right, absolutely! Only we can't sleep together, not tonight.

Marcia Fox:
Why not?

Ted:
Well, because I already slept with Helen Moss once today, and I'm not young and active like I used to be.

Marcia Fox:
You'll do anything to catch a murderer, won't you?

Ted:
Mmm-hmm.