Masters of Science Fiction

Himself - Host:
Are there events so impossible to forget that they become too painful to remember?

Himself - Host:
When the fate of so many rests in the hands of so few, can the failure to be accountable ever be forgiven?

Samswope:
I am extremely whipped. Rilla never manifested herself for the KP shift. Lowly as though it may be, I worked both. Do I make myself pellucid? Eight detestable hours. I may have to kill that woman.

Bedzyk:
You're too late.

Samswope:
[Sam looks out the window, where body parts are floating] Rilla? I was perturbed she didn't wish to do her garbage shift. [to his murmuring second head] Would you kindly be quiet! - Now, it seems, she *is* the garbage shift.

[Sam looks down to the plant on the ground, whose trailing leaves had tripped him]

Samswope:
Fortuitous I didn't knock over the plant.

Bedzyk:
Well, if you had, there'd have been two all-meat pizzas floating out there.

Samswope:
Come on, Bedzyk, it's not that bad. We'll find a landfall. We will. All in the fullness of time.

Bedzyk:
Ah, come on, Sam. We've been to all six terraformed types in the system. Some of them more than once. Always the same. 'Keep moving, scum, hit the road, get lost, and take this piece of junk with you.' If we had any sense, we'd fly this garbage scow right into the Sun. Better still, crash it right up there.

[They look up at planet Earth]

Samswope:
Ah, yes. Into the bosom of our succoring Mother Earth.

Samswope:
So, we're down to, what, 96?

Bedzyk:
93.

Samswope:
Two-thirds of our original little party of discarded freaks dead and gone. It's tragic. Just tragic. We've been orbiting too long. What are you going to do?

Bedzyk:
What am *I* going to do?

Samswope:
In spite of your surly - or, I might even venture - taciturn nature, mon ami, you remain an imposing and, whether you like it or nay, a de facto executive figure aboard this enchanted scow, the mutant horrors of which hold you in the very highest esteem. And I suspect, beneath your snarls, you actually care what happens to them.

Bedzyk:
I'm just a passenger, pal. I'm just another steerage-class passenger, and I got my ticket to prove it. [He waves his grossly oversized left arm]

Samswope:
They called the sickness what it really is: Random Idiopathic Genomic Mutation. The acronym RIGM, or riggum.

Bedzyk:
Harmony, this is Bedzyk. What?

Harmony Teet:
We got a ship coming in, dead-on trajectory from Earth.

Bedzyk:
Yeah, so?

Harmony Teet:
So I checked the ephemeris and the new ETA readout, and there's nothing supposed to be there.

Bedzyk:
All right. So our loving friends and neighbors have sent us an unscheduled load of toilet paper. Why bother me with it? I'm a tourist here, myself!

Harmony Teet:
Come on, Bedzyk. They'll dock in eight hours. What the hell do you want me to do?

Bedzyk:
Call me in eight-and-a-half hours if you're desperate for my company.

Bedzyk:
Did you ever wonder why you were discarded, Annie?

Annie:
Yeah. Yeah, I do, but... It's that thing about Malthus. At least that's how they always explained it to me. Too many people on Earth. No place to stand. The sheep look up.

Bedzyk:
Yeah, that's what they always say. It's too crowded. Somebody's gotta go. Why not send the infected ones? I don't buy it.

Annie:
So what is it, then? Hm?

Bedzyk:
You ever hear of Father Damien?

Annie:
No. Who's he?

Bedzyk:
He was a priest. He worked with lepers. They used to send people with leprosy to this island to die, okay? Like they shipped us up here - the "Gulag."

Annie:
Where are you going with this? Hm?

Annie:
The real reason they sent us out here, Annie, is because they can't stand to look at us. It's the ugliness that scares the hell out of them, not the infection. We're just like those lepers.

Samswope:
It's an emissary yacht from Earth Central!

Bedzyk:
All right, let's hail them. Attention, Earth vessel! Attention, Earth vessel, do you read me? [pause] What are they, deaf?

Harmony Teet:
Could be.

Bedzyk:
Attention, Earth vessel. Listen, guys, save yourselves the effort, okay? We are leaving Earth space. [No response] What is this?

Harmony Teet:
Maybe they're all dead and purple and full of maggots in there. Tongues hanging out, guts spilling out of their noses, eyeballs all - [She mimes protruding eyeballs]

Samswope:
One can only hope.

Bedzyk:
I don't get it. They're here. We know they're here. Why won't they talk to us?

Harmony Teet:
[the "Gulag" suddenly rocks and Harmony mutters over her receiver-transmitter] They're boarding us!

[an airlock enters and Barney Curran enters. He has a friendly face and wears white regimentals]

Barney Curran:
Hello. I was sent from Earth Central... to make you a really terrific offer.

[the mutants are watching him in twitchy, grunting cynicism]

Barney Curran:
My name's Curran. And you must be the Captain.

[He holds his hand out to shake Bedzyk's. Bedzyk merely eyes him. After the commercial jump, the mutants are all shouting and pleading. Samswope begins pounding his cane against the side of the "Gulag" in a slow, menacing percussion]

Bedzyk:
All right, listen up!

[the mutants fall quiet. Samswope stops pounding]

Bedzyk:
You all wanted to go to the Terraforms. Have we been to the Terraforms?

[the crowd calls, "Yes!"]

Bedzyk:
You wanted to go to Europa. Have we been to Europa?

[the crowd calls, "Yes!"]

Bedzyk:
Have we been to Mercury?

[the crowd calls, "Yes!"]

Bedzyk:
Have we been to Venus?

[the crowd calls, "Yes!"]

Bedzyk:
Callisto? Ganymede? Twice! TWICE we went to Ganymede! All right, then, back off! Back off. Let me talk to this guy.

Bedzyk:
All right, speak your peace; shove off; stop sucking up our air.

Bedzyk:
Let me see if I can guess, Mr. Sanhedrin Earth neighbor. You want us to move our little load of misfits off L5 orbit or 'we'll blast your asses away.'

Barney Curran:
Oh, no, no, no, it's not that at all! In fact, I don't think any of us down there have any idea how hard it's been for you all.

Bedzyk:
Without the lubricant, huh? Just spit it out.

Barney Curran:
Do you think that Earth Central hates you? That we don't feel your pain? God, it's been 37 years! You, you have to believe we feel the guilt and torment of what the former generation did to you!

Harmony Teet:
Oh! That's why you never sent get well packages - or toilet paper?

Samswope:
Mr. Bedzyk and I have to tell our happy little band why you're here, Sheriff. So go ahead. By the way, I notice that you're a healthy, arrow-slim normal lad. Did they pick you preferentially to give us a little tweak of the antennae?

[Curran opens his jacket to show that his chest is a mass of writhing, suppurating neurofibromas]

Barney Curran:
And then a doctor, a Hungarian, came up with a serum.

Harmony Teet:
Do you hear what he's saying? Don't you get it yet?

Barney Curran:
A cure. The only thing that stops it from spreading is a serum synthesized from prepandemic enzymes that are only found in blood - in the blood of...

Bedzyk:
Of discards. Of us! Are you kidding me? You want our blood!

Bedzyk:
Never trust an Earthman! Never!

[last lines]

Annie:
Somebody clean that up and blast it out the garbage port!

Randolph Ludwin:
Now, I guess I don't have to tell any of you. But if you managed to survive in the cut-throat world of hi-tech, you're a fortunate man. And if you helped saved the lives of the young men and women on the front line, you are blessed. But if you managed to do both, then, by golly, you are one lucky bastard. Pardon my French - do we still say that?

[First lines]

[a night security guard opens the door and says sympathetically, "Another late one, Mr. Kramer?"]

Charlie Kramer:
Yeah. I guess so.

Randolph Ludwin:
Now, we're here tonight to honor the man who made Watchbird possible... with maybe a tip of the hat to the genius who hired him.

[He looks modest, and the audience politely laughs. Charlie's lady, Sarah, smiles at him, but he looks away from Ludwin, cringing]

Randolph Ludwin:
When Charlie first came to me with the idea for Watchbird, I have to admit, I was skeptical. Two and a half pounds of tin floating around out in the desert, kicking butt and taking names? I figured: Action figures sold separately.

[the audience murmurs appreciatively. Sarah smiles at Charlie, who wears a fake grin]

Randolph Ludwin:
But damned if that boy wasn't on to something. There he was, throwing charts and diagrams at me, as if I knew microsurge telemetry from duck a l'orange. Now, the way Charlie explained it, someone's about to kill, their bodies give off dozens of tell-tale signals.

[Charlie looks more confident when the subject is about his work, and he nods]

Randolph Ludwin:
You give an armed drone the ability to recognize those signals, you are on to something. Something amazing. But. [He points a finger toward the ceiling] How are you going to keep them from zapping one of our own, I asked. Simple, says Charlie. You give the good guys encrypted chips. The rest is just a turkey shoot.

[Charlie looks horrified for a moment at the idea that he would have said, or simplified, such a thing, then calms his face as Sarah smiles lovingly at him]

Randolph Ludwin:
And here we are, three years, and God knows how many soldiers returned to the bosoms of their families later, and I gotta tell you, I am one proud C.E.O. Ladies and gentlemen, the man of the hour. Charles T. Kramer.

[Charlie is meeting with Ludwin and two executives from the Department of Homeland Security. Posh setting; sinister atmosphere]

Randolph Ludwin:
Charlie, the President wants to bring the Bird home.

Charlie Kramer:
I don't understand. Has something happened? I thought everyone was pretty happy with the program.

Jack Valentine:
We are, Charlie. In fact, we're so pleased with the program that we'd like to extend the security that Watchbird provides to all Americans. And not just our troops.

Randolph Ludwin:
[Cheerfully] Homeland Security wants to deploy the Watchbird on the home front.

Charlie Kramer:
[shocked, but being diplomatic] Well, it's not as easy as it sounds. With all due respect.

Jack Valentine:
We're not talking about sea to shining sea, Charlie. We envision ten or twelve metropolitan areas. To begin with. And Seattle, of course, would be included. [the setting of the story is Seattle]

Bradley Tanner:
[He hands a folder to Charlie] It's all detailed in this brief.

Charlie Kramer:
[Charlie takes the folder and politely flips through a few pages] Yeah. See, the thing about Watchbird is, I mean, the whole idea behind Watchbird is that it was designed for a battle-field environment.

[the bureaucrats look at each other]

Jack Valentine:
The war we're fighting, Charlie, the big war? It doesn't respect borders. We're fighting an enemy that thinks nothing of killing innocent civilians.

Randolph Ludwin:
Watchbird is the most effective tactical weapon in our arsenal, Charlie. We have the opportunity to bring it where the need is greatest. Right here, at home.

Charlie Kramer:
[horrified] And in Iraq, and in Afghanistan, we equipped the Coalition troops with chips. You couldn't possibly use that strategy domestically.

Jack Valentine:
Of course.

Bradley Tanner:
No.

Randolph Ludwin:
Well, you can't do business with people and keep them in the dark, Charlie. The government needs to be armed with the facts to make informed decisions.

Charlie Kramer:
It's just a machine, Sarah. It's a machine with limitations. And if it makes a mistake? It's irreversible. And no due process. No appeals. In a split second - thanks to me - it's a de facto judge, jury, and potential executioner.

Charlie Kramer:
And, as smart as it is, it's just an analogue of human intelligence. So, whatever our flaws, the computer runs the risk of compounding them exponentially.

Charlie Kramer:
If I knew that it was just protecting innocent lives. I mean, if I could really *know*.

[Charlie Kramer is reprogramming Watchbird]

Charlie Kramer:
I'm giving you some new databases. Criminal law: federal, state, municipal. General guidelines for detecting criminal behavior.

The Watchbird:
Current response protocols require intent to kill an imminent threat. State revision.

Charlie Kramer:
Now you'll be looking for statutory law-breakers with that intent. You'll need both criteria to justify action. Understood?

The Watchbird:
Breaches of the law plus reckless intent equal authorized force. Including deadly force.

Charlie Kramer:
[sighs] Exactly. When disabling force is insufficient to stop the criminal. You'll use only your anti-personnel capability - no incendiaries. You'll be working in the 48 contiguous states.

The Watchbird:
New coordinates of origin?

Charlie Kramer:
My home. The United States of America.

The Watchbird:
Will deploy for new directive.

Charlie Kramer:
Thank you.

Randolph Ludwin:
You know, Charlie, frankly speaking, if anything, the bird's been a little gun-shy.

Charlie Kramer:
[outraged] Excuse me?

Randolph Ludwin:
We've still had a lot of preventable homicides in those twelve trial cities. Twenty-nine, to be exact - five in New York alone.

Charlie Kramer:
The bird's response is never going to be a hundred percent. We've talked about that. It's gotta be able to access the assailant, and that's not always possible.

Randolph Ludwin:
Yeah, but some of those murders happened right out in the open.

Charlie Kramer:
Where's this coming from? Is this Valentine?

Randolph Ludwin:
Jack Valentine is the best friend this company has. And he has the best interests of this country at heart.

Charlie Kramer:
The country's or his own? I mean, the last time he was in here, he looked like a guy picking out an office.

Charlie Kramer:
What is it, exactly, that you're asking me to do here?

Randolph Ludwin:
Look. All I'm saying is, you might want to revisit the parameters that you have the bird set at. That's all.

Charlie Kramer:
I'm not going to put the Watchbirds on hair-triggers. I mean, there's no way! We have to err on the side of caution.

Randolph Ludwin:
But every program needs to be tweaked. You said so yourself.

Charlie Kramer:
Well, this is not a program. This is a killing machine.

[In their expensive apartment high in a skyscraper, Marissa Summer brings martinis to her husband as he hangs up the phone]

Marissa Summer:
I made you some lunch.

Summer:
What did I do to deserve a wife like you?

Marissa Summer:
Mm. You must have been very good in a former life.

Summer:
I'll tell you one thing. It beats the crap out of being good in this one.

Marissa Summer:
[She laughs demurely and speaks in a suggestively sexy voice] Now, why do I have the feeling you're not going to be taking any more calls this afternoon?

Summer:
My goodness! Beautiful and psychic too.

[a Watchbird swoops outside the window, then fires a blast through the window. Marissa collapses on the couch, jumping spasmodically as though electrocuted]

Summer:
Marissa! Marissa!

Charlie Kramer:
[In his office workroom, Charlie picks up the ringing phone] Yeah.

Randolph Ludwin:
Charlie?

Charlie Kramer:
What's up?

Randolph Ludwin:
[grimly] We got a problem.

[Detective Ratcliffe has come to harangue them for the death of Marissa when he receives a call that she had laced her husband's lunch with poison]

Charlie Kramer:
She was trying to kill him!

Ratcliffe:
I guess your bird managed to stop her.

[Valentine is angry that the men in an Al Qaeda sleeper cell in Baltimore weren't killed for planning to set off bombs]

Charlie Kramer:
Well, we start firing every time a Bird senses rage, a lot of bureaucrats better start looking over their shoulder.

Jack Valentine:
[to Ludwin] I think it's time we put someone a little more cooperative in charge of the Watchbirds' buttons.

Randolph Ludwin:
Even if we could find someone smart enough to take over, the Bird relies on Charlie. Specifically on Charlie. There's this synaptic discourse between them. His brain array is embedded in the technology. You want to reprogram Watchbird, you're gonna have to reprogram Charlie.

Jack Valentine:
[grimly] How?

[last lines]

[Charlie is on the building roof, threatening to jump because of the Watchbird mission's failure]

Randolph Ludwin:
Charlie, it's only a setback! We can start over. It's not too late. It's only temporary. We can fix it!

Charlie Kramer:
[Charlie is watching the Mentor, the chief Watchbird, flying toward them] The Mentor will make it right.

Randolph Ludwin:
No! Don't be a damned fool! It's a machine running a program. It can't think!

Charlie Kramer:
No, Randolph, she can think. She knows. She knows that I'm about to take a life.

Randolph Ludwin:
Charlie!

[Charlie looks up as the Mentor dives down]