McLeod's Daughters

Claire McLeod:
What Alex? It's just a boob.

Alex Ryan:
Yeah but it's a breastfeeding boob, not a GROPING boob.

Becky Howard:
Men! You can't live with em, you can't shoot em.

Claire McLeod:
Well if Clint Eastwood turns up to save us - tell him to rack off.

[Tess has spent the night at Alex's looking after "his" baby which had been dumped on his doorstep]

Claire McLeod:
I would put money on you having a problem.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Yeah well, getting rid of fornicating pests is quite appealing this morning.

Claire McLeod:
You ready for another beer, Maid Marion? [laughs]

Alex Ryan:
Yeah thanks Nick.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
[laughing] What?

Claire McLeod:
It's his middle name. [everyone laughs]

Alex Ryan:
Yeah it's Marion, right yeah, go on get it out of your system, have a good laugh.

Alex Ryan:
[drunk] I love you, Claire. I love you more than my chopper.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
You are feeling guilty, aren't you?

Nick Ryan:
So take advantage.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Oh, I intend to.

Dave Brewer:
Maybe we could pose with some stock... like the sheep.

Nick Ryan:
Sure that'll look great! three naked guys and a paddock full of pregnant sheep.

[after the shed exploded during the fire]

Nick Ryan:
If you wanted to get rid of the shed you could've just knocked it down

Alex Ryan:
I'm no expert but I reckon you're jealous. You don't like the idea of sharing Tess with anyone else, do you?

Nick Ryan:
You're right. You're no expert.

Claire McLeod:
Put it away mate

Alex Ryan:
Get out of here, I'm a man, she's a woman.

Claire McLeod:
Thanks, so what does that make me?

Alex Ryan:
Why you're a... you're a Claire

Alex Ryan:
I love it when you talk dirty

Tess Silverman McLeod:
After Claire admits stealing a stamp at school. Nerd crimes don't count Claire.

Claire McLeod:
Have I ever mentioned Sandra Kinsela

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Well, no

Claire McLeod:
There's a reason for that... I hate her guts.

Dave Brewer:
Turn it up, we're taking over.

Claire McLeod:
I talk to you.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
But I'm not a single attractive, interesting man.

Claire McLeod:
Well spotted.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
With the internet the whole worlds just one big village.

Meg Fountain:
And your the village matchmaker.

[about the boot that Claire is using as a stand in for the baby]

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Junior must take after your side of the family.

[after finding out that Harry and Sandra are sleeping together]

Nick Ryan:
Look on the bright side

Alex Ryan:
There isn't one Nick

Nick Ryan:
At least you didn't sleep with Sandra. [looks over at Alex, his face tells a different story] You didn't.

[after a man claiming to be Jack's son turns up]

Terry Dodge:
That man sowed enough wild oats to make porridge.

Stevie Hall:
Do me a favor.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
You do me one. Butt out.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Why are you being such an idiot?

Nick Ryan:
Why are you being so gullible?

[after Nick tell him and Sandra there will be no more personal abuse]

Alex Ryan:
You stupid git.

[about Alex's attitude towards Sandra]

Nick Ryan:
Do you realise you are in a 'mine's bigger than yours' competition with a woman

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Perhaps she thinks alpacas are cool

Jodi Fountain:
Yeah, it seems a pity to shatter her illusions

Tess Silverman McLeod:
You are a petty, greedy, money hungry... cattle barron.

Nick Ryan:
Well then try this, we're over.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
We never began.

Nick Ryan:
Well fantastic, we agree.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Yeah you bet we do.

Jodi Fountain:
I am beginning to wonder if Stevie is seriously mentally unbalanced

Stevie Hall:
We've got to check the water pumps, even the mentally unbalanced have to work.

Nick Ryan:
Stairs or Sandra - either will kill you.

[ Nick after Harry tells him he has to be able to make it up the stairs, without stopping before he can get "intimate" with Sandra again]

Nick Ryan:
Shopping, these people are truly evil, if we stay her long enough we might see them doing something really depraived like cooking.

[ Nick as he and Alex watch Peter's family trying to dig up dirt on Peter]

Stevie Hall:
Claire had really bad taste in men.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
What about Alex?

Stevie Hall:
Like I said, she had bad taste.

Dave Brewer:
[after mistakenly gelding Harry's horse] If I never touch a horse's testicles again it will be too soon.

Dave Brewer:
[bangs on the loo where Pat has his dark room] Patrick! Oi, What, have you fallen in or something?

Patrick Brewer:
I'm printing, won't be long.

Dave Brewer:
Mate, I'm due on rounds!

Patrick Brewer:
So use a bush outside.

Dave Brewer:
Some things can't be done behind a bush!

Dave Brewer:
[to himself] Why can't you do model airplanes like other little brothers? Come on!

Patrick Brewer:
Yea, I'm in a hurry.

Dave Brewer:
Believe me, so am I!

Marcus Turner:
[after losing a game of laser tag with Stevie] I'm the best man!

Stevie Hall:
And I'm the bride. This is my party and you'll die if I want you to.

Alex Ryan:
[in a standoff with Stevie at the end of a laser tag game] When we're married, let's promise to never fight over something this pointless again. Okay?

Stevie Hall:
Okay.

Stevie Hall:
[they kiss passionately - and she shoots him with her laser tag gun] We're not married yet.

Claire McLeod:
You did a good job, Tess, it's not your fault it didn't work out.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
I promised to wax your legs and the offer is only good for tonight.

Jodi Fountain:
Oh, great. So I get to stay home and look good or go out and be hairy?

Becky Howard:
Life's cruel like that.

Claire McLeod:
I woke up, you weren't there.

Peter Johnson:
Yeah, look, I was just making you a cuppa tea, that's all.

Claire McLeod:
I feel sick.

Peter Johnson:
Why, what do you mean? Because I wasn't here?

Claire McLeod:
Yes. Because I saw what my life could be like. Waking up every morning in an empty bed, and wondering every time if that meant that you were with someone else.

Peter Johnson:
Oh, look, I would never do that to you.

Claire McLeod:
You did it to your wife.

Becky Howard:
I've never slept with an ex.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Well, you're smarter than us.

Becky Howard:
Naah, I've just never been out with anyone long enough to make them an ex.

Jodi Fountain:
Why do it? Why torture yourself?

Meg Fountain:
Because you set your eyes on him and your brain goes out the window.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Yeah, we all think we're sophisticated, intelligent beings, but really we're just like any other animals, ruled by pheromones and hormones.

Becky Howard:
And beer.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Wish I was like you sometimes.

Claire McLeod:
Why?

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Because you loved Peter. You really, really loved him and you weren't scared of that, you just went for it. I can't, I don't have the guts. Mum loved Jack so much she thought she couldn't live without him. She took pills. I was 11. I remember sitting there, waiting for the ambulance to come, thinking, "I'll never let this happen to me. If this is true love, I don't want it."

Claire McLeod:
Pretty lonely old life.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
No, it's not. I've got you.

Claire McLeod:
It's not the same, Tess.

Kate Manfredi:
[What are you deaf as well as stupid, i don't want you here Patrick, i don't want your stupid goats so just take them away okay]

Patrick Brewer:
[fine by me]

Claire McLeod:
The next time you steal a pool table, steal the key.

Meg Fountain:
We don't shoot clumsy city people. These days.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
I love it here, Simon. It's my home.

Simon Birch:
You're wrong. I know it. And when you know it, call me. You belong in the city. And you belong with me.

Jodi Fountain:
[Jodi enters Becky's room wearing a sash and carrying a bouquet] Thank you, thank you. I can't tell you what an honor it is to be crowned Miss Gungellan. Although I have to admit I've been a bit distracted over the past few weeks, but I have come back down to earth with a thud, and I promise to start pulling my weight, especially helping out my best friend Becky, if she still is my best friend, and if she can ever forgive me for being so selfish.

Becky Howard:
You need lessons to bash each other's brains out?

Jake Harrison:
Well actually, the object is to not get your brains beaten out.

Alex Ryan:
It's a gentleman's sport, Becky.

Becky Howard:
Eh well, I'd like to go.

Alex Ryan:
Get away!

Becky Howard:
Why? Because I'm a chick?

Alex Ryan:
Yup.

Becky Howard:
Good! [enters boxing ring]

Dave Brewer:
[Great work]

Kate Manfredi:
[Thanks]

Dave Brewer:
[We make a pretty good team, don't we ay]

Kate Manfredi:
[NODS, i really should go an get cleaned up]

Jodi Fountain:
well people split up

Kate Manfredi:
not old Italian couples who have been together since, since forever. What if this is my fault.

Jodi Fountain:
Isn't there anything that isn't

Kate Manfredi:
No but if I hadn't painted such a ridiculous picture of my life then maybe, Nonna wouldn't have thought she'd missed out on so much you know, and the thing is Jodi, I love my life but I would give it up in a flash for the man I loved.

Jodi Fountain:
well then I think you've both got a problem... Hey

Kate Manfredi:
Thanks for listening

Jodi Fountain:
Its ok

Dave Brewer:
[Kate, hey]

Kate Manfredi:
[hey]

Dave Brewer:
[i didn't mean to scare you back there]

Kate Manfredi:
[no, i just needed some space thats all]

Dave Brewer:
[I can only guess at what you must be going through]

Kate Manfredi:
[no you can't, wasn't you he was after]

Dave Brewer:
[you want to talk about it]

Kate Manfredi:
[no]

Dave Brewer:
[sometimes it helps]

Kate Manfredi:
[i think it'll just make me feel worse]

Dave Brewer:
[can't be any worse than how your feeling now]

Kate Manfredi:
[Dad said you shouldn't dwell on things, you have to get on with it, its the Manfredi way]

Dave Brewer:
[well i don't know about the Manfredi way]

Kate Manfredi:
[wait, your not gonna tell me another one of your Lewseal the sheep stories are you]

Dave Brewer:
[no, but when my wife died, i tried to get on with it, pretend that it was ok, then a good friend gave me a good boot up the A***, made me admit that it was't. Then i went to see a councilor and you know it really helped]

Kate Manfredi:
[i don't need a councilor i'm not crazy i'm just, scared to go to sleep because i have nightmares about him and i'm... i'm scared to go out incase he's there and i'm... i'm scared to stay at home coz he knows where i live and i just... i just... feel so out of control]

Dave Brewer:
[its ok]

Becky Howard:
Nothing wrong with a slow mover, they're more satisfying in the end!

Patrick Brewer:
[When Tayler tells Moira and Patrick that Jodi has gone to Matt's for dinner] Hmm, Matt:1-Riley:0

Regan McLeod:
[and that little girl, i get to walk free and she gets a life sentence]

Dave Brewer:
[bangs on the loo where Pat has his dark room] Patrick! Oi, What, have you fallen in or something?

Patrick Brewer:
I'm printing, won't be long.

Dave Brewer:
Mate, I'm due on rounds!

Patrick Brewer:
So use a bush outside.

Dave Brewer:
Some things can't be done behind a bush! [to himself] Why can't you do model airplanes like other little brothers? Come on!

Patrick Brewer:
Yea, I'm in a hurry.

Dave Brewer:
Believe me, so am I!

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Is there stuff going on here?

Claire McLeod:
None of our business.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Since when did that matter?

Tess Silverman McLeod:
I don't think we could have picked anything hotter today.

Claire McLeod:
Sure, you could always bring the stock their water on a tray from the house.

Meg Fountain:
This is nothing. Wait 'till there's a drought.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
It hasn't rained for weeks. What do you call this?

Claire McLeod:
Summer.

Kate Manfredi:
I'm so sorry

Jodi Fountain:
its not your fault

Kate Manfredi:
i so wish i could make this better

Jodi Fountain:
i just miss him Kate, i miss him so much

Kate Manfredi:
i know, i know, i know, i know, i know, its ok, cheer up sweetie

Becky Howard:
Men! Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

Tayler Geddes:
get away from me

Regan McLeod:
You were going to torture my room

Tayler Geddes:
All those nice things, you don't deserve them you don't deserve anything

Regan McLeod:
Am gonna call the cops

Tayler Geddes:
What you think I care after what you've already done to me

Regan McLeod:
What are you talking about?

Tayler Geddes:
I watched you, everyday, you just sat there, you never cried, you never looked like you cared about what you'd done, you never looked at me an any of us not even once

Regan McLeod:
I don't understand

Tayler Geddes:
And then it was all over, they said she'd done nothing wrong, you walked out of the inquest and got on with your life, but I went home to nothing, just nobody.

Regan McLeod:
Oh my god the mine accident

Tayler Geddes:
I'm Tayler Geddes, you killed my dad

Regan McLeod:
Taylor I am so sorry

Tayler Geddes:
No I want you to know what that feels like, I want you to hurt, and I want your life to be hell too.

Regan McLeod:
Right It was you who wrecked the car and the fence

Tayler Geddes:
You have to pay for what you did, he was all I had left and you took him

Regan McLeod:
You have no idea how terrible I felt about what happened

Tayler Geddes:
No don't, this isn't how its supposed to be, you were meant to be a monster, you weren't supposed to be nice, I want to hate you, just let me hate you please

Regan McLeod:
Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey

Tayler Geddes:
I miss him, I miss him so much

Regan McLeod:
I've got you

Tayler Geddes:
I miss him so much

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Okay, coast is clear.

Nick Ryan:
I bet you've always wanted to say that.

Tess Silverman McLeod:
Yeah, I have. Come on.

Nick Ryan:
I always knew you were a screamer.

Alex Ryan:
That's why I always wear my lucky socks.

Claire McLeod:
There is no way I'm wearing your smelly old socks.

Alex Ryan:
Hey, they are not smelly. [sniffs socks] Okay, but they *will* stop you worrying about the jump.

Claire McLeod:
Interesting theory, if the jump doesn't kill me, the smell of your socks will.

Alex Ryan:
Come on, get a wriggle on! Beers to drink, women to chase, let's go!

Claire McLeod:
It's different for you.

Alex Ryan:
Why?

Claire McLeod:
Because I haven't slept with you.

Alex Ryan:
We can fix that easy enough.

Claire McLeod:
Thanks a lot! I'll get a number and stand in line, shall I?

Liz Ryan:
Quite a morning. You've managed to alienate both of the boys and you've still got the afternoon to go.