MegaRace

Announcer:
[television turns on] And now, VWBT is proud to present the show that squashes reality like a bug. That's right! You better be ready to MegaRace! [MegaRace logo is shown on screen] And here's your mega-host, Lance Boyle! [applause]

Lance Boyle:
Hey! Welcome to MegaRace: the action show where violence only happens once every few seconds!

Lance Boyle:
Hi, I'm Lance Boyle, and people often wonder if I'm real.

Lance Boyle:
Wait till you hear this! Every time you kill a pack-leader - and when I say "kill", I'm talking virtually, not reality, okay? In MegaRace, nobody actually dies - it just looks and feels like it, and that makes you feel a whole lot better about yourself, now doesn't it? Every time you kill a leader, you not only score big time, you also win some major bonus prizes. His personal music CD and his customized car are both yours!

Lance Boyle:
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a brand-new MegaRace Solid Gold Enforcement Officer! How about that? Tough guy, you did it! Thanks to you, criminals everywhere are turning to each other and saying, "I want my mommy." Enforcer, let's check out your fabulous prize! You have won:... A watch. Now if anybody asks you the time, you'll be able to answer. How 'bout that? Believe me, Enforcer, you'll enjoy that prize. I did and I should know. How about that ladies and gentlemen? Like I always say, "It only shows to go." You've been watching one of the very top MegaRaces in history, and that's going backwards in time! Hey, I'm Lance Boyle, and it doesn't hurt a bit! [snaps fingers]

Lance Boyle:
Terminal City's most degenerate speed gang is called the Scabs, and they're very unstable, I'm sorry to say. Between racers, we do carefully subject them to permanent sensory deprivation tests, except for the smell of blood, but it does no good, enforcer. They insist on eating your kidneys. I assured their drooling leader, Rabie, that you only want to put him out of his misery, but he just went on barking. Luckily for you, this is virtuality, where getting eaten doesn't hurt a bit.

Lance Boyle:
It's Vulture time again, and their feathers are still kinda ruffled. Jailbait wants to see you get cut up into bite-sized bleeding chunks. Only on a virtual level, of course. In reality, no one gets hurt here on MegaRace. The show that only looks like it hurts.