Midnight Heat

Phil:
Nikki, Nikki, Nikki!

Nikki:
Do you mind, Phil? I'm working here.

Phil:
Oh, you are? Really? You're working?

Nikki:
It's a slow night, Phil.

Phil:
That don't answer my question. Why isn't some john motherf***er tonguing your a**hole? Do I have to see it with my own eyes to know that you're f***ing for me?

Nikki:
Well, let's just hope the people I meet tonight do it just like that. That'll cost the sick f***s a little extra.

Phil:
Those sick f***s are paying for your shitty rent and my brand new f***ing suit, and let me tell you, my brand new suit is starting to feel a little old. Go f*** your brains out, twat!

[Phil leaves]

The Scalper:
What's the matter? The dead are the best people in the world. I mean, they're completely harmless, they don't do anything, they don't cause any trouble, they don't tell me what to do, they just mind their own business, and best of all, they're free. They just lie there; I mean, can't f*** them anymore cause they don't wanna f***. But you sure feel free to take anything else you want from 'em. Like their hair; their beautiful gorgeous hair. Alive or dead, the hair still smells f***ing fantastic. It's the only thing worth keeping. Everything else just rots away.

Martin:
Make one move, it better f***ing be orgasmic.

Donna Diggs:
If somebody wants to felch my c*nt with a soda bottle, then that's what they'll get!

[first lines]

Donna Diggs:
How long you been asleep? Three hours? Four hours?

Martin:
About two and a half hours.

Donna Diggs:
It's getting better.

Martin:
As long as I keep having that dream, I still feel like sh*t.

Donna Diggs:
So, think of how refreshed and well-rested I'm gonna look in an hour. I'm gonna look like I just f***ed the living hell out of pure sunshine.

Mindy:
Masks.

Donna Diggs:
Masks?

Mindy:
Like, I make them wear masks, like ski masks, anything, I don't care. It's the only way I'll f*** these people.

Donna Diggs:
Okay, why?

Mindy:
Because when they have on these masks, I'm f***ing the same person every time. When I come home every morning, you know, to f*** the same guy that I f***, I don't feel bad about it. You know why? 'Cause in my head, I've been f***ing him all night long.

Donna Diggs:
That's relatively smart, actually.

Martin:
Apparently she's got a mouth like a hurricane and a twat like an earthquake.

Monica:
So just who the f*** are you?

Det. Rick Wilson:
I am the man...

[Rick giggles]

Det. Rick Wilson:
...that's gonna kill the f***ing Scalper.

Monica:
Why are you going to kill the f***ing Scalper?

Det. Rick Wilson:
Cause I am Detective Rick F***ing Wilson!

Monica:
Wow, a detective. Are you going to f***ing arrest me?

Det. Rick Wilson:
I can think of a better idea.

Phil:
You know what I do when my girls run into a pile of sh*t? I have my guys run the motherf***ers over. then I punch those f***ing twats in their f***ing jaw, so that I don't have to spend my time dealing with their assbag clients. But you! You're too f***ing nice!

Detective Mike Nero:
Look, I need your help.

Det. Rick Wilson:
Forget how to shoot?

Mindy:
[gargling mouthwash]

Mindy's John:
What are you doing?

Mindy:
Oral hygiene.

Det. Rick Wilson:
You know I was more than that.

Donna Diggs:
No, when you attempted to pay me in cocaine, you were less.

Det. Rick Wilson:
That's not me.

Donna Diggs:
Rick, you're f***ing high right now! I can see it in your eyes! Where the f*** do you get this sh*t from, anyway? The evidence room?

Dixie:
Hi, Martin.

Martin:
Not tonight, Dixie! Definitely not tonight!

Donna Diggs:
Time is money, baby.

Car John:
I want you to act like you're sucking my cock.

Donna Diggs:
That's all you want, baby? You know I'll do anything.

Car John:
Anything?

Donna Diggs:
Aside from taking a sh*t on your chest or taking a piss in your mouth. I'm not a f***ing Nazi, so, uh, you want a golden shower, you might have to get yourself to Fort Knox.

Car John:
Well, maybe now, I want to be pissed on. Now I want to be sh*t on.

Donna Diggs:
I'd rather pretend like I'm sucking your cock. Baby, I can tell you really need it. I wouldn't want to let something that hot go to waste with the idea of feces.

[Car john grabs Donna's head]

Car John:
Right now, I don't care about feces, b*tch! I wanna taste your f***ing urine!

[suddenly, Rick grabs the Car John, bangs her head on the steering wheel, and holds her at gunpoint]

Det. Rick Wilson:
If it's piss you want, motherf***er, then go down to the bar at the corner of Fifth and Main. Tell them that you want the special, and that Detective Rick Wilson sent you, so that the next time I see you, your teeth will be stained f***ing yellow, and if they aren't, I'll take a sh*t in your mouth myself, and fill your cavities my own goddamn way!

Martin:
Why the f*** do you think you own this city?

Phil:
Cause this city is late-night television, and I'm Johnny F***ing Carson!

[last lines]

Det. Rick Wilson:
[to Donna] You wanna get a cup of coffee of something?