Mirror Has Two Faces

Rose Morgan:
When my date takes me home and I don't hear the philharmonic in my head, I dump him.

Rose Morgan:
A wedding is the final scene of the fairy tale, they never tell you what happens after. They never tell you that Cinderella drove the Prince crazy with her obsessive need to clean the castle and that she missed her day job.

Claire:
You are the mother of the bride, not the opening act.

Claire:
Now you spend an extra hour in front of the mirror every morning and every night. And now you'll be the one to walk into a room and scan it for who looks better than you and who doesn't. And as the years go by, the numbers change. One day you'll walk into a room and you're the last woman any man notices.

Rose Morgan:
What, what? Yes, I do have breasts. Unfortunately, they cannot, however, be the subject of your next report.

Claire:
If he weren't gorgeous, rich and straight, I wouldn't even have bothered.

Henry Fine:
I don't date these women for their minds. I gave her a copy of "Farewell to Arms". She thought it was the latest diet book.

Gregory Larkin:
The mathematical world is completely rational, uncomplicated by sex.

Rose Morgan:
I look like an over-the-hill Barbie Doll.

Rose Morgan:
It's not a date. We're just agreeing to eat at the same table.

Gregory Larkin:
I want to be upfront with you. I am not interested in sex.

Gregory Larkin:
You don't use make-up.

Rose Morgan:
What's the point? I'd still look like me, only in color.

Rose Morgan:
Let's face it. They're not standing in line for me.

Rose Morgan:
By the way, would telling you now that I want sex tonight be enough of a warning?

Gregory Larkin:
I don't care if you're pretty, I love you anyway!

Rose Morgan:
I just can't eat a greasy cheesburger in the middle of the day anymore. Doesn't it bloat you?

Doris:
Bloat me? No, it doesn't bloat me! Actually I thought it went real well with the spare ribs I had for breakfast.

Gregory Larkin:
But I love the old Rose! The one with no makeup and baggy clothes who loves 'the perfect bite'! She eats carrots now, isn't that tragic?

Hannah Morgan:
Then why are you going to all this trouble unless that something might *happen* with this one?

Rose Morgan:
Mother, would you stop calling him "this one", it sounds like you're picking out a lobster!

Rose Morgan:
Why don't you get the coffee?

Hannah Morgan:
I've buried a husband, I've raised two daughters. I've made my coffee.

Claire:
Your hair looks good, the curls work. Why don't you get a perm?

Rose Morgan:
I tried that once, I looked like Shirley Temple on crack.

Claire:
Now you listen to me!

Rose Morgan:
Take it easy, Claire!

Claire:
Now, I want you to get up there and remember that this is MY day... and if you don't behave yourself, I'm gonna have your birth certificate blown up as a Christmas card!

Hannah Morgan:
I should never have encouraged you to speak.

Rose Morgan:
I don't feel anything, isn't that great! I never thought about how *I* would feel, I only ever thought about you. I only wanted to make you happy, I never thought I was good enough for you.

Alex:
Oh but you are good enough for me, Rose, you are!

Rose Morgan:
I know, I know, but Alex, you're not good enough for me!

Claire:
Mother, the only thing you ever taught me about the Sabbath is that Bergdorf's wouldn't be as crowded.