Modern Inventions

[repeated line]

Robot Butler:
Your hat, sir!

[first lines]

Donald Duck:
Museum of Modern Marvels. Well, well, well. Ha! Well, I'll go in.

[last lines]

Robot Butler:
Your hat, sir!

Donald Duck:
Oh. [Puts up his fists before realizing it's a barber cut machine]

Donald Duck:
A barber cut. Well well well. [Climbs on the barbers chair]

Donald Duck:
Say this is a pretty swell outfit. [Sits down in the chair and notices the deposit coin slot]

Donald Duck:
Oh yeah. [Pulls out his nickel with a string on and puts his coin it in the slot before pulling it out. Then the barber machine starts up]

Robot Barber Chair:
Yes sir what will it be sir? [Takes Donald Ducks bowler hat off]

Donald Duck:
Gimme the works.

Robot Barber Chair:
The works? You betcha yes sir the works. [Then the barber chair robot pulls the lever back. The chair springs up causing Donald Duck to quack and his body to flip up and fall down landing on his stomach. Then the seat belt locks Donald in place with his hands and head locked in on the shoe shiner while his rear end is sticking up]

Robot Barber Chair:
Oh, but sorry sir, my mistake. Haven't I seen you before? I never forget a face. Ho ho ho ho ho. Nice day sir, lovely weather we're having. Err clippers on the side? [Then the robot ties a bib around Donald's rear end before cutting his tail feathers with the scissors and comb. Donald Duck throws a temper tantrum]

Donald Duck:
Hey! What's the matter? Cut it out! Hey Let me out of here! [Then the robot hands puts black shoe polish in Donald Ducks mouth and Donald Duck spits it out, but the robot hands grabs Donald Ducks beak and puts black shoe polish all over Donald's head until his head is black. Then the 2 robot hands brush Donald Ducks head while the other 2 robot hands rubs Donald's feathery butt. Donald Duck still screams]

Robot Barber Chair:
Getting a little thin on top sir. That should be taken care of, Now the hot towel. [Then the machine puts the hot towel on Donald Ducks butt. and Donald screams]

Donald Duck:
Help! Let me out! Let me have it! [Donald's head is being shoe shined by a towel cloth. Continues to scream]

Robot Barber Chair:
Oh that reminds me of a little story, lets see. Hee hee, Ho ho ho ho ho.

Donald Duck:
I'll get you for this! [Continues to scream]

Robot Barber Chair:
Uh oh. A little too hot sir? Ho ho ho ho ho. [Donald's butt has turned red and the robot hands take the towel off Donald's butt but the robot hands continue to rub Donald Ducks head real hard and fast]

Donald Duck:
Help! Let me out! [Then the machine combs Donalds feathery butt]

Robot Barber Chair:
I think we'll put the part right in the middle. This is the latest creation and should be very becoming to you sir. Brings out your personality. Very very sappy sir. [Then the robot hand twirls Donald's tail into a pig tail curl and sprays perfume on Donald's butt. Then the machine gets out the mirror and it shows Donald's haircut on his butt]

Robot Barber Chair:
How's that sir? Here you are. You look like a new man. Yes sir, much obliged, call again. Ho ho ho ho ho. [Then the machine takes the bib of Donald's butt, the seat belt comes off Donald, the machine puts the bowler hat on Donald's butt and lifts Donald Duck gently on the floor]

Donald Duck:
What. [Donald Duck notices his hat on his rear end and put it on his black polished head. Then the robot butler shows up]

Robot Butler:
Your hat sir. [the robot butler takes Donald Ducks hat away]

Donald Duck:
HEY YOU! [Donald Duck throws his famous temper tantrum]

Donald Duck:
Uh oh, a baby buggy. Well, well, well, well, well. [Donald turns his Civil War kepi into a baby bonnet and puts it on his head. Then the speaker horn comes out of the cradle]

Robot Nurse Maid:
Rock a bye baby on the treetop. When the wind blows the cradle will rock, when the bough breaks the cradle will fall. And down will come baby cradle and all. [Donald Duck acts like a baby]

Donald Duck:
And down will come baby cradle and all. [the robot nurse holds the toy in it's robot hand. Shakes the toy doll in Donalds face and Donald Duck scares it off. Then the robot tickles Donalds stomach and grabs Donalds leg and wiggles his toes]

Robot Nurse Maid:
This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy went wee, wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home.

Donald Duck:
All the way home. [Donald Duck laughs]

Donald Duck:
Mama I want my bottle. [Donald Duck cries]

Robot Nurse Maid:
Oh baby hungry? There. [Then the robot pulls out the baby bottle and squirts the milk all over Donalds face]

Robot Nurse Maid:
Uh uh the baby falls. [Then the robot locks the seat belt around Donald Duck and pulls him back in the cradle]

Donald Duck:
Hey! What's the big idea? Let me go, let me go! [Then the machine pulls out the toy, Donald Duck tries to punch the toy doll but misses, the toy doll hits his head and Donald Duck throws a temper tantrum]

Robot Nurse Maid:
Ahh, Baby wants more?

Donald Duck:
No, no, doggone it! [Then the robot pulls out the baby bottle and squirts the milk all over Donalds face]

Robot Nurse Maid:
Now now, mamas baby. Mamas little lamb he is. No, no, hold still. [the robot Nurse pulls out a cloth diaper and puts it under Donald's rear end. Then the robot nurse gets the baby powder grabs Donald's legs and shakes the powder on Donald's butt]

Donald Duck:
Hey let me go! Who do you think I am?

Robot Nurse Maid:
There, there darling. [Puts the diaper on Donald, puts the pin on Donald's diaper and pokes his stomach]

Donald Duck:
Ow!

Donald Duck:
Mamas kiss make it better. [Then Donald Duck coughs and sneezes out of the cradle. He then notices that he's wearing a diaper]

Donald Duck:
Well I'll be doggone. [Donald Duck laughs while the Robot Butler sneaks up on Donald]

Robot Butler:
Your hat sir. [the Robot Butler takes Donalds baby bonnet and shakes it off, he takes it away]

Donald Duck:
Come back here! You can't have that! Squawk! [Donald Duck takes off his diaper and kicks it away. He then pulls out a bowler hat and puts it on his head]

Donald Duck:
So! That's for you!

Donald Duck:
Oh boy. Oh boy. What a place, what a...

Robot Butler:
Welcome sir. [the robot butler appears]

Donald Duck:
Huh. Quack! Who are you?

Robot Butler:
I'm the robot butler sir.

Donald Duck:
Oh yeah! So what! [the robot walks over to Donald Duck and takes his hat off]

Robot Butler:
You hat sir.

Donald Duck:
Hey! Let go my hat! [Donald Duck grabs his hat but is shoved down by the robot]

Robot Butler:
You hat sir!

Donald Duck:
I'll get you for this.

Robot Butler:
Thank you sir! [the robot butler walks off with Donalds White hat]

Donald Duck:
A fine guide you are! Why don't you pick on somebody your own size you big boob! [Then Donald Duck makes a top hat appear and puts it on his head]

Donald Duck:
So!

Donald Duck:
Marvelous, stupendous, marvelous, magnificent. Uh oh, bundle wrapper.

[Donald Duck examines the bundle wrapper machine]

Donald Duck:
Hands off. Do not touch. Oh phooey!

[Donald Duck pulls the lever and the 2 machine hands grabs Donald and pulls him in the tube and on the table and Donald screams. Then the machine puts Donald inside wrapping paper and cuts the ribbon and ties the ribbon on the wrapper with Donald inside. Then the machine puts Donald on the slide until he lands on the floor]

Donald Duck:
Quack! Quack!

[Donald Duck struggles out of the paper wrapper until he breaks free]

Robot Butler:
Your hat sir.

[the robot takes Donald's Napoleon hat away from him]

Donald Duck:
Quack! I've never been so mortified in all my life!

[Donald pulls out a civil war cap and puts it on]

Donald Duck:
So! Oh!

[Sees the robots flashing eye before he chases after Donald. Donald runs away to the baby carriage and hides in it]

Donald Duck:
Well well I. Well, well, well. Wonderful, Isn't it nice with all the... Uh oh, What's this? [Donald Duck examines the suitcase]

Donald Duck:
Hitchhikers aid. Ha, well well. [Donald Duck pretends to be a car while the robot comes out flashing out a red signal light while holding out his thumb and whistling. Donald laughs and the robot pokes both of Donald's eyes and goes back in the suitcase]

Donald Duck:
Hey! Wait a minute! what are you trying to do poke my eye out!

Robot Butler:
Your hat sir. [the robot takes Donald's top hat away from him]

Donald Duck:
Quack! Hey gimme back my hat! You big boob! [Donald Duck throws a temper tantrum]

Donald Duck:
You can't drive a friend! [Donald Duck makes a Napoleon hat appear and puts it on his head. He then puts his hand in his shirt]

Donald Duck:
So!