Money Pit

Max Beissart:
I love you and you love me.

Anna:
No, you love you, I love Walter.

Walter:
There is a house that I want to buy.

Benny:
Lets just cut to the chase all right? What do you want?

Walter:
I want you to loan me $200,000 in cash.

Benny:
No.

Walter:
Benny!

Benny:
You shout at me?

Walter:
I shout at you! I need that money and you are going to loan it to me.

Benny:
No I won't!

Walter:
Yes you will!

Benny:
No, No, No!

Walter:
Yes you will! I saved you ten times in taxes last year.

Benny:
So what?

Walter:
Benny if you don't loan me that money. I'll...

Benny:
You'll what? Huh? You'll what?

Walter:
I'll not like you anymore!

Benny:
...Ok.

Walter:
Thanks.

Curly:
If the permit man ever comes back. You give me a call and we'll come back and finish the job.

Walter:
When I do get the permits how long will the job take?

Curly:
Two weeks.

Walter:
Two weeks? Two weeks?

Curly:
You sound like a parakeet there. "Two weeks! Two weeks!"

Walter:
Two weeks. It's amazing.

Curly:
Amazing nothing. It'll be a regular miracle.

Walter:
Ahh, home crap home!

Walter:
Mozart? Mozart is dead, his problems are over, help MEEE...

Walter:
Here lies Walter Fielding. He bought a house, and it killed him.

Walter:
What has Max got that I haven't got?

Anna:
Walls.

Anna:
"That is such a dumb idea. Sometimes it amazes me you ever passed the bar."

Walter:
"I'm not surprised. You've never passed a bar in your life."

Anna:
"You are so much less attractive when I'm sober."

Walter:
"Thank goodness it's not that often."

Anna:
I can't believe you passed the bar.

Walter:
I know, you've never passed a bar in your life.

Jack:
I'm fine really.

Paramedic:
Take it easy Mr. Schidntmann

Walter:
Has this ever happened to you before?

Jack:
Yes.

Paramedic:
Seven times in the past five months.

Walter:
I thought the jogging was getting you in better shape.

Jack:
It is.

Paramedic:
Yeah thanks to the jogging I can lift him into the ambulance.

Walter:
Stairs! Ha! A Staircase! We have stairs!

Walter:
Oh hello Mr. Stairs I've missed you.

Walter:
What happened?

Curly:
It was no picnic but those guys are work animals. Well everything looks pretty much under control.

Walter:
It does?

Curly:
Well not to the layman's eyes of course.

Walter:
They completely ripped up my house!

Curly:
They sure as hell did didn't they? They really ripped the guts out of it. They're work animals I tell you. Look at those holes huh? Then you've got your gravel piles, your sand piles, your scrap piles. Animals!

Walter:
Animals.

Curly:
Well I like a good conversation as much as any but I've got to run. Hasta Pronto if you know what I mean.

Walter:
You're leaving?

Curly:
Well I ain't moving in.

Walter:
I'm not trying to tell you your business but you haven't even looked at my pipes.

Brad Shirk:
I looked at them three years ago. You figure they've improved with age?

Max:
The union forces me to allow you to go to lunch in spite of the way you've played. Those of you with consciences will not be able to eat. And those who consciences match your talents, go stuff yourselves I hope you choke!

Walter:
You know what this is? This is the short line at Motor Vehicles.

Anna:
What?

Walter:
Sure! You know... you go to Motor Vehicles to get your license renewed, and you get on this line that reaches to Spain, and right next to it is this little short line with only two guys in it, but you figure something must be "wrong" with that line - otherwise everyone else would be in it - so you waste three hours!

Anna:
I got in the short line once. It was for farm vehicles.

Water Fielding:
He's supposed to be a really good carpenter. Besides, he has a brother who's a plumber!

Anna Crowley:
Really? A brother who's a plumber? Think I should sleep with him?

Walter Fielding:
Maybe just this once.

Walter Fielding:
Just because they showed up to collect the money, is no guarantee that they'll show up to do the work... and if they do... I can't pay for it!

Anna:
Well, the turkey's done.

Walter:
So's the kitchen. Actually, it's a little overdone for my tastes. Let's not go there again.

Anna:
This is my house, too. I want to help.

Walter:
Do you have a gun?

Walter:
Change the name? Why? I love your name, "The Cheap Girls", I love it. I think it says it all!

Walter:
I think you would be opening yourself up to a big lawsuit. In fact, having seen your act, I can guarantee a big lawsuit.

Walter:
You can't do that! You've spent years making your name a household word. Your name is perfect! Cheap Girls. I love it.

Walter:
No, no you cannot call yourselves Meryl Streep.

Walter:
No, in fact considering your act, I think I can guarantee a giant lawsuit.

Walter:
Forget it, you are not calling yourselves Meryl Streep.

Estelle:
Carlos and I had such a wonderful life! Then they showed up and took it all away. I'm having to sell the house to pay the blood sucking lawyers.

Water Fielding:
Was it the IRS?

Estelle:
Israeli Secret Service. Carlos was Hitler's pool man.