Most of My Memoirs Are Plagiarized

David 'Ashley' Planner:
How flexible is the kitchen?

Immaculada Boxer:
Oh man. Hot winter.

Gresheon:
Those leaves aren't even bothering to fall this year.

Immaculada Boxer:
I needed this.

Gresheon:
You play hard. You deserve it.

Immaculada Boxer:
Yeah, but I hate taking a break. Even though I've been goin' my whole life.

David 'Ashley' Planner:
You know, I knew I shouldn't have had you guys when I was your age. I just grew out of it.

David 'Ashley' Planner:
I apparently went too far, but nobody wants to consider the fact that maybe they came too close.

Eleanor:
I'll post your bail.

David 'Ashley' Planner:
It's the least you could do, you being one of them.

Eleanor:
It'll be us someday. You go and meet Immaculada. And some day, it'll be us. Us'll be you and me.

David 'Ashley' Planner:
Hey, um, do you know that doing gymnastic exercise is a way better way to generate creative thoughts than just exercise?

Immaculada Boxer:
I...

David 'Ashley' Planner:
I'm trying out cartwheeling because I have this big idea. It's too big to exist, but I don't think dreaming gets enough credit. People look down on you if you're not physically ambitious. So, I wanted to do this universe book thing, where instead of there being, like, footnotes that relate back to the real world, there would be... footnotes that would create an entire reality defined by the cultural references of a single novel. There would be actual films, game shows, people living in towns, a whole alternate history of popular music, that this book would define and basically create, in a way, by being written, and then I would go about making all those films, getting audiences and contestants together for those game shows, having surrogate mothers and town fathers giving birth to children and cities and raise and build them as fictionally-defined people and places who and that exist according to the life of my book. I'd get a ton of bands together, and there would be a whole new canon... I don't think I'd make rock as popular, I mean... the rhythms that people rely on that are based off of it are just... the opposite of what music is really supposed to inspire, which is a passion for... life. And there would be an alternate set of book publishers to publish any books that this book would create by referencing. We'd open a Museum of Contemporary Art that was filled with... real art.

Immaculada Boxer:
What would you call it?

David 'Ashley' Planner:
I'm just frustrated because there are so many options, and there's only one choice to be made in a particular situation, and I think that... a fascist art project that costs billions of dollars and requires the violation of personal rights to bring it into fruition... would relieve the desperation that comes from the limitlessness of everyone's imagination, and the finality not just of life itself but of every single moment that passes in life. Because I need something in my life to fill my life, and I need it to be the biggest thing I can think of, and the biggest thing is my thoughts. The project itself couldn't be titled. It's just a universal, impossible dream being un-realized and realized in a particular way.

Immaculada Boxer:
Tell me more about my dreams.

David 'Ashley' Planner:
I need something first. Something with carrots.

Wilbur:
You'll get your kids back when the gallery show is over.

Immaculada Boxer:
Wow, this is pretty... amazing.

David 'Ashley' Planner:
Yeah, it's really good for tension, and it's also cooling to the skin.

Immaculada Boxer:
Is it going to dry up?

David 'Ashley' Planner:
You have to keep it wet... almost constantly.

Wichita:
Good to see you're free.

Immaculada Boxer:
Submission is the greatest expression of agency as long as you're a f***ing genius in the moment.

Wichita:
What are you gonna do with this memento?

Immaculada Boxer:
I need to baptize something!

Wilbur:
So where do you see yourselves?

Health:
Splitting up. I'd like to go with a family of realists.

Wilbur:
Open-minded realists or close-minded?

Health:
Open-minded.

Yates:
And what about you, Emily?

Emily:
I'll find my own way, which is the Lord's way. So, I guess the closeminded realists.

Yates:
There are actually a lot of other options...

Emily:
Close-minded realists.

Wichita:
Now, Immaculada, as you travel, you should know that there will be several treasure options. Many of the treasures you find will be intangible, yet invaluable, and otherwise unobtainable, treasures that you will be able to choose over more materialistically rewarding prizes. It's almost like you're following the clues to get to the next treasure on the ground and also in your own heart. Are you ready to go?

Immaculada Boxer:
I'm so ready!

Wichita:
Okay, here's the first trick. The first clue-trick.