Most of My Memoirs Are Plagiarized2010

David 'Ashley' Planner:
Hey, um, do you know that doing gymnastic exercise is a way better way to generate creative thoughts than just exercise?

Immaculada Boxer:
I...

David 'Ashley' Planner:
I'm trying out cartwheeling because I have this big idea. It's too big to exist, but I don't think dreaming gets enough credit. People look down on you if you're not physically ambitious. So, I wanted to do this universe book thing, where instead of there being, like, footnotes that relate back to the real world, there would be... footnotes that would create an entire reality defined by the cultural references of a single novel. There would be actual films, game shows, people living in towns, a whole alternate history of popular music, that this book would define and basically create, in a way, by being written, and then I would go about making all those films, getting audiences and contestants together for those game shows, having surrogate mothers and town fathers giving birth to children and cities and raise and build them as fictionally-defined people and places who and that exist according to the life of my book. I'd get a ton of bands together, and there would be a whole new canon... I don't think I'd make rock as popular, I mean... the rhythms that people rely on that are based off of it are just... the opposite of what music is really supposed to inspire, which is a passion for... life. And there would be an alternate set of book publishers to publish any books that this book would create by referencing. We'd open a Museum of Contemporary Art that was filled with... real art.

Immaculada Boxer:
What would you call it?

David 'Ashley' Planner:
I'm just frustrated because there are so many options, and there's only one choice to be made in a particular situation, and I think that... a fascist art project that costs billions of dollars and requires the violation of personal rights to bring it into fruition... would relieve the desperation that comes from the limitlessness of everyone's imagination, and the finality not just of life itself but of every single moment that passes in life. Because I need something in my life to fill my life, and I need it to be the biggest thing I can think of, and the biggest thing is my thoughts. The project itself couldn't be titled. It's just a universal, impossible dream being un-realized and realized in a particular way.

Immaculada Boxer:
Tell me more about my dreams.

David 'Ashley' Planner:
I need something first. Something with carrots.