Mother Goose Rock 'n' Rhyme

Gordon Goose:
Why is everything in black and white?

Three Blind Mice:
We're colorblind.

Gordon Goose:
But I'm not colorblind.

Three Blind Mice:
It's not your office.

Little Bo Peep:
[after numerous accidents, Gordon wants to drive] Forget it! Nobody can drive my car!

[she drives off]

Gordon Goose:
Especially her! [a few seconds later, Bo Peep drives back up again]

Little Bo Peep:
I got lonely. You can drive. [Gordon gets into the driver's seat]

Jack:
I need to stop falling down this hill and breaking my crown. This is the thirtieth something time I've done this!

Jill:
Oh yeah? Well I am constantly the one who if forced to tumble down the hill following after you! Why can't it be Jill's turn to break her crown, and you come tumbling after for a change, huh!

Little Bo Peep:
Nowhere's not such a bad place, I've been there.

Little Miss Muffet:
Company! How nice. Please please come on in.

Gordon Goose:
Uh, I think it may be a little crowded, not to mention anatomically dangerous.

Little Miss Muffet:
No problem! You just have to think to shrink. Think hard. Think to shrink!

Simple Simon:
[sings] On the road again... can't remember why I'm on the road again.

Gordon Goose:
Hey! I'm gonna be off the road again if you don't get the guitar out of my face, I'm driving here!

Lou the Lamb:
You know, one day when I was a kid my father ran off with a goat.

Mary:
Shut up, Lou.

Little Bo Peep:
Your Majesty, we're very sorry to interrupt your merrymaking, but we have something very important to discuss with you.

Old King Cole:
[shouts] Important! You insult me by requesting that I, Old King Cole, the merriest of soul, discuss something of importance? HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU!

[Silence stirs as the Minister sits him down and puts on his crown, Bo Peep and Gordon bows to him, suddenly Old King Cole laughs along with everyone else]

Old King Cole:
Oh, How about this! A practical joke! I just love practical jokes!

Little Bo Peep:
It's time to boldly go where no cow has gone before.

Gordon Goose:
Okay, hang on! Whoa!

[they speed off through space until Gordon screams seeing that they are headed into the Mother Goose book]

Little Bo Peep:
Gordon, stop the cow! LOOK OUT!

[They head inside the book and find themselves in the real world]

Gordon Goose:
Where the blazes are we?

Little Bo Peep:
We're not in Rhymeland anymore.

Little Bo Peep:
Mistress Mary Quite Contrary, how does your garden grow?

Mary Quite Contrary:
Oh, it's a mess! The silver bells aren't ringing, the cockleshells are being eaten by aphids, and the pretty maids are getting uglier by the minute. Mm! Besides, the rototiller's on the blink and the gophers are the size of Buicks.

Three Blind Mice:
...Gordon enters the Three Blind Mice Detective Agency after a woman resembling Jessica Rabbit from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" exits... It was a hot and sultry afternoon, you know, like August, July, or maybe June, with nothing to do but cut the cheese and talk about past case histories.

Gordon Goose:
Excuse me.

Three Blind Mice:
When, suddenly, a red-headed dame. She was blonde, she's a brunette, with a low, husky voice that could curl the whiskers off Mighty Mouse, came in the office.

Gordon Goose:
No, she just left.

Three Blind Mice:
Ya, tell us another one, babe.

Gordon Goose:
No, the babe left, I'm a dude, Gordon Goose.

Three Blind Mice:
Dude? Babe? Everyone's equal in our eyes.

Mary:
This little lamb is ruining my life. I go to the supermarket, he goes to the supermarket. I go to the restaurant, he goes to the restaurant and over-tips. I go to the bathroom, he goes to the bathroom and takes forever, and I can't take it anymore!

Lou the Lamb:
Fine! You think it's a picnic following you around? Na-a-a-a! You don't like it? There's the door. Don't worry about me, I'll survive, because wherever you go, I'll be sure to follow.