Mummy Returns

Rick:
You know, a couple of years ago, this would have seemed really strange to me.

Alex:
My dad is going to kick your arse.

Imhotep:
I do not think so.

Rick:
This is bad.

Evelyn:
We've had bad before.

Rick:
This is worse.

Alex:
Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah:
No.

Alex:
Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah:
No.

Alex:
Are we there yet?

Lock-Nah:
No.

Alex:
Are we...

Alex:
Wow, that's amazing. Perfect aim.

Lock-Nah:
What are you talking about? I missed.

Jonathan:
I told you. I told you.

Meela:
And your point is...?

Jonathan:
I told you so you wouldn't kill me.

Meela:
When did we make that arrangement?

Jacques:
This place... is cursed.

Red:
What is it with you and curses?

Spivey:
Yeah, you're not happy without a good curse.

Spivey:
This is cursed. That is cursed.

Alex:
Hey. The Book of the Dead.

Meela:
What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you better behave.

Alex:
Lady, I don't behave for my parents, what makes you think I'm going to do it for you?

Meela:
Because your parents don't put poisonous snakes in your bed while you were sleeping.

Rick:
Honey, what are you doing? These guys don't use doors.

Rick:
You okay?

Ardeth Bey:
This was my first bus ride.

Evelyn:
Jonathan, that's my husband and my son down there. Make me proud.

Jonathan:
Today is that day, Evy.

Evelyn:
No harm ever came from opening a chest

Rick:
Yeah, no harm ever came from reading a book either. Remember how that one went?

Ardeth Bey:
There's a fine line between coincidence and fate.

Alex:
Sucker weighs a goddang ton.

Evelyn:
Alex, watch your language!

Alex:
Rather weighty, this.

Rick:
Do you want the shotgun?

Ardeth Bey:
No, I prefer the Thompson.

Rick:
Okay, now you're starting to scare me.

Evelyn:
Now I'm starting to scare myself.

Izzy:
This thing is filled with gas, dammit. Not hot air, gas. Where am I supposed to find gas around here? Bananas? Mangos? Tarzan's arse?

Rick:
Alex?

Alex:
What did you think, that a mummy had come back to life?

Rick:
I'll tell you a story sometime.

Evelyn:
Alex, I'm serious, if you've lost that key, you're grounded.

Alex:
I haven't lost it, I just can't find it. There's a difference you know.

Rick:
Uh, hello. Jonathan, I thought I said no more wild parties.

Jonathan:
Well, when you're popular...

Rick:
Knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him. But this is my house, and I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.

Rick:
What did you do this time?

Jonathan:
Well, I haven't done anything to anybody.

Jonathan:
... lately.

Rick:
All right - you're here, the bad guys are here, Evie's been kidnapped - let me guess...

Ardeth Bey:
Yes. Once again they removed the creature from his grave.

Jonathan:
I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't it your job to make sure that doesn't happen?

Izzy:
O'Connell, if you give me that gold stick there, you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.

Rick:
Didn't we do that in Tripoli?

Ardeth Bey:
If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.

Jonathan:
Pull me up. Pull me up.

Jonathan:
Wait, wait. Let me down. Let me down.

Rick:
It's not worth your life, you idiot.

Jonathan:
Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

Izzy:
O'Connell, who the hell you been messing with this time, huh?

Rick:
Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.

Evelyn:
Would you like to know what heaven looks like?

Rick:
Later.

Rick:
GO TO HELL, AND TAKE YOUR FRIENDS WITH YOU!!!

Ardeth Bey:
If I were to say to you that, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...

Rick:
Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West, it is I whom you seek."

Ardeth Bey:
Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.

Rick:
What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.

Ardeth Bey:
That mark means you are a protector of man. A warrior for God. A Medjai.

Rick:
I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.

Jonathan:
There's the burial ground. We're safe. Do you see those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.

Jonathan:
Well of course I'm sure.

Jonathan:
Sorry, my mistake.

Alex:
You broke it. You broke it. You broke it.

Jonathan:
Be quiet Alex. If there are going to be any hysterics, they should come from me.

Rick:
Oh no, not these guys again.

Lock-Nah:
The Book Of The Dead gives life.

Meela:
And The Book Of The Living takes life away.

Lock-Nah:
I thought that was my job.

Jonathan:
I say chaps, look at that. Shrunken heads. I'd love to know how they do that.

Jonathan:
Just curious.

Alex:
Mom, dad, I can explain *everything*.

Ardeth Bey:
I'm sorry if I alarmed your son. But you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens!

Rick:
We? What we?

Ardeth Bey:
If he is not killed, he will call forth the Army of Anubis!

Jonathan:
I take it that's not a good thing?

Rick:
Oh, he'll wipe out the world.

Jonathan:
Ah, the old "Wipe-Out-The-World" ploy.

Izzy:
Well that's not good.

Rick:
Those are poisonous, you know.

Evelyn:
Only if they bite you.

Izzy:
That's half mine, you know.

Jonathan:
What are you talking about?

Izzy:
You took my gold stick.

Jonathan:
I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what you're talking about.

Izzy:
What? You haven't got a wife.

Rick:
You know, it's not easy, being a dad.

Alex:
Yeah. But you're doing it real well.

Imhotep:
I am your servant. I am your servant.

The Scorpion King:
We shall see.

Evelyn:
Those knickers are not mine.

Imhotep:
The sands of time have already begun to pour against you.

Alex:
Yeah, yeah, I already heard this part. From the minute I put the bracelet on, seven days do I have until the Scorpion King wakes up.

Imhotep:
Did you also hear that if you do not enter the pyramid before the sun strikes it on that very morning, that the bracelet will suck the life out of you?

Alex:
That part I missed.

Evelyn:
I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.

Rick:
Evie, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. We just got home.

Evelyn:
That's the beauty of it, we're already packed.

Rick:
Why don't you give me one good reason.

Evelyn:
It's just an oasis. Darling. A beautiful, exotic, romantic oasis.

Rick:
With the white sandy beaches and the cool clear blue water and we could get some of those big cocktails with the little umbrellas.

Evelyn:
Sounds good.

Rick:
Sounds too good. What's the catch?

Evelyn:
It's supposedly the resting place of Anubis' army.

Rick:
See, I knew there was a catch. There's always a catch.

Jonathan:
Out of my way Alex... I'm a professional.

Rick:
And let me guess, none of them were ever seen again?

Evelyn:
How did you know?

Rick:
I didn't, but that's always the story.

Evelyn:
Alexander the Great sent 1,000 soldiers to look for it...

Rick:
Hooray for him.

Evelyn:
Caesar sought for it...

Rick:
Look what happened to his career.

Evelyn:
And Napoleon...

Rick:
Yeah, well, we're smarter than him, and taller.

Evelyn:
Exactly, and that's why we're going to find it.

Rick:
Because we're taller?

Ardeth Bey:
Whomsoever can kill the Scorpion King can send his army back to the underworld, or use it to destroy mankind and rule the Earth!

Rick:
So that's why they dug up Imhotep, because he's the only guy tough enough to take out the Scorpion King.

Ardeth Bey:
That is their plan.

Ardeth Bey:
Glad to see me now?

Rick:
Just like old times, huh?

Izzy:
Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?

Evelyn:
Bank job?

Rick:
It's not like it sounds.

Izzy:
Oh it's exactly like it sounds. I'm flying high, hiding in the sun, the white boy here flags me down so I'm fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm sitting the the middle of the road with my spleen hangin' out and I see him waltzing up the street with some belly dancer girl.

Evelyn:
Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.

Izzy:
Just as long as I don't get shot.

Jonathan:
If you see anyone come running out screaming, don't worry - it's just me.

Rick:
So Evy's a reincarnated princess and I'm a warrior for God?

Ardeth Bey:
And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. The three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.

Evelyn:
How does the story end?

Ardeth Bey:
Only the journey is written, not the destination.

Rick:
Convenient.

Meela:
Nefertiri.

Evelyn:
Anck Su Namun.

Meela:
Good.

Ardeth Bey:
Why can't you people ever keep your feet on the ground?

Rick:
Izzy, you were right.

Izzy:
I was?

Rick:
Yeah.

Rick:
You're gonna get shot.

Lock-Nah:
When the time comes I will truly enjoy killing you.

Alex:
But until that time, you better be a *little* bit nicer to me. Now where's my water?

Alex:
No ice?

Jonathan:
Oh, Dont worry Alex, shes gone to a better place.LIke it says in the good book.

Alex:
Book? Book! Thats it! Thats it!

Alex:
Come on Uncle Jon! Come on Come on!

Q sent me! What is that you'd say? It's all quite elementary my dear Watson. I figured it out. Skadoosh. The story line is amazing Q keep up the good work. I don't know if anyone else made it this far, but I hope someone else found the way. It's everywhere, all around you it is my young Padawan. I love you all. This will be from a movie coming to you soon and it will bring you here. Follow the white rabbit ????????.