Munna Bhai M.B.B.S.

Dr. J. Asthana:
May I ask what is happening here?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
No!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Circuit, did you know that there are 206 bones in the body?... We never thought about that while breaking them, did we?

Dr. J. Asthana:
Can I ask what is going on here?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Ask! Don't be shy, ask. Come on, ask!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Circuit, I'm missing Mom. I keep remembering her.

Circuit:
Your memory is very solid, man, so solid that I can see her. Hey, are you missing Dad also. I can see him too.

[Circuit and Munna have just kidnapped someone]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Circuit, I said "Point the gun," not "Shoot out all of Mumbai!"

Circuit:
Chill out, bro - these are blanks, they only sting! [He grabs their captive, who was trying to escape]

Circuit:
Hey, Flo Jo, even THEY can do the job at close range! Do you want me to try it out?

Circuit:
Hey, don't fuse my circuit, or you'll be sent home in three different bags!

[Circuit has received a telegram from Hari Prasad Sharma about his arrival]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
When?

Circuit:
Today, at five o'clock!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Damn! We're screwed!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
It's just what I feared... lymphoma of the intestines...

Murli Prasad Sharma:
[slapping a goon] You over-acting piece of@#%! You're supposed to have a kidney problem, and instead you have a heart attack! [He points to another goon disguised as a patient]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Look at this chap - what a natural actor! He's been playing the same role for three years and Papa's never recognised him!

Circuit:
Bro, if it hurts you so much, why don't you tell your father the truth? Tell him that a don gets more respect in this city than any damn doc!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
He'll die if he comes to know - it's just a matter of seven days, Circuit, give it a rest...

Murli Prasad Sharma:
[seeing goons taking down the hospital sign] HEY! Don't touch that signboard! My father's name is on that sign! Hands off! Bastards! Don't you dare! [He goes berserk, and has to be restrained by Circuit]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Circuit, I've decided I'm going to be a doctor...

Circuit:
Uh... bro, why don't you go to sleep, and we'll talk about it in the morning...

Murli Prasad Sharma:
I knew you'd say that - you think I'm sloshed, don't you? I'm serious!

Circuit:
But, bro, what's the point?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
The point? Circuit, the point is that my father will be proud of me! You should've been there - that baldy stood there insulting my father, and I just kept quiet! I'll show him! I'll become a doctor like him and marry his daughter! Circuit, find me the best medical college in Mumbai...!

[Munnabhai is on the phone when his gang tells him he has entered the college]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Ninavati Hospital? Hang on a moment! Lilavati Hospital? I can't come to work today! Apollo Hospital? Hold your horses! Huh? Bread Candy Hospital? Hold, man, hold, I am busy... [He hangs up and with Circuit and the others, rushes off to celebrate]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
[singing] My name? You haven't heard yet? Munnabhai... M.B.B.S.!

Dr. J. Asthana:
Are there any questions?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Yes, sir... If a man is dying in the admission ward, is it necessary for him to fill our a form? [a shocked Asthana dismisses the class, but the next day... ]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Sir, I asked you a question yesterday that you didn't answer - can't you answer it today?

[Circuit accompanies Munnabhai to his college room]

Circuit:
[looking around] What the...? It ends almost right where it begins!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Circuit, do you know why God sent me to this college?

Circuit:
God certainly never told me!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Because he wants me to settle a score with the man who made my father cry!

Circuit:
Okay, if it's settled with God, all right!

Circuit:
Hey, stop imitating a bedspread and get off the bed!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Wow, Anand bhai, you look like a hero! All the nurses are going to fight over you!

Dr. J. Asthana:
Mamu, he called me MAMU! [Mamu means "dude" and/or "doofus"]

[last lines]

Anand Banerjee:
[looking though a photo album] And so, Munna married Suman, a.k.a. Chinky... A year later, Circuit married - that's his son, his nickname is Short Circuit... Asthana retired, and now runs Munna's hospital - there you get free doses of medicines, laughs, and hugs! Everyone can be admitted; as Asthana says "Chill out, bro! Fill in the form later!" Dr. Rustom Paveri is the new dean of the college, and is unmarried - but his father still dates the queen! Munna couldn't become a doctor, but he's still called M.B.B.S. - Married with Bouncing Babies and Smiles!... That's me... Tomorrow I'm going back to Calcutta. I'm going to miss them all - especially him... Mamu!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Circuit, have you ever felt as though you were going to die?

Circuit:
You know that dude Shakeel?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Yeah?

Circuit:
He once went after me with a knife - I thought I was gonna go that day!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Not that, Circuit - I meant, have you ever felt as though you were fatally ill, and could only wait, helpless? Watching the clock and calendar go by like a time bomb, and your life, your dreams coming face to face with THE END...

Circuit:
Bro, my mother used to say that we became stars when we die... [He starts pointing at stars in the sky]

Circuit:
Look, there's my father - the bugger used to beat me a lot! And there's Uncle - he was a cool dude! Hey... where's Mom? Aaah, Mumbai's getting too polluted, man...

Circuit:
[threateningly] Are you Zaheer? Are you the one who slapped Bro?

Zaheer:
Yes...

Circuit:
[laughing] You've got some guts, mamu!

[after Munna is expelled, he and Circuit are wandering around in a drunken stupor]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Circuit, I've decided I'm going back to the village!

Circuit:
[flourishing two tickets] I knew it - that's why I've brought TWO railway tickets!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
But what will you do in the village? You can't even handle a plough!

Circuit:
Bro, if I do that, then what will the cows do?

Dr. Suman Asthana:
[about Anand] Murli, what's the point of talking to him? Nothing you say to him will reach his ears!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
So what if his ears can't hear it, he hears it with his heart! You see, when two people share a strong connection, then they can communicate to each other through their hearts...

Dr. Suman Asthana:
You're too much, Murli... [She leaves, but Munna tries to prove his point]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
[thinking] Ms. Suman, I hope you can hear me... [No response]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
[thinking] Mike testing, 1, 2, 3... [No response]

Murli Prasad Sharma:
[thinking] Ms. Suman, I think I'm in love with you... [At this, Suman finally turns and looks at Munna. She smiles, blushes and leaves]

Circuit:
[Answering the phone] Who is this?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Its your dadm who do you think?

Circuit:
Bro, How are you Bro?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
i need a body

Circuit:
Body? who's body Bro?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
you know, the one they use for dissection, one of those bodies.

Circuit:
Bro, how am i going to find one of those bodies?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
how would i know? just find one!

Circuit:
Dump the tension bro, you concentrate on your studies, i'll organize a body [he looks out onto the street and see's a chinese tourist taking pictures of some of the other gang members posing for the camera] Bro, will an imported body do?

Murli Prasad Sharma:
yeah it will, just bring it quickly!

Circuit:
i'll be there in ten minutes bro, just ten minutes!

Circuit:
Hey Butkya... get a sack

Butkya:
Right away [leaves to get a sack]

Chinese tourist:
[taking pictures of Munna's gang members posing for the camera while doing there laundry] Thankyou! Thankyou!

Circuit:
[walking to the chinese tourist] hey Chilli chicken, you wanna take some photos of an ambulance, its a five-star ambulance?

Chinese tourist:
No, i want real india, poor people, hungry people!

Circuit:
poor hungry people, inside the ambulance, they are really bleurghh!

Chinese tourist:
Really? okay good!

Circuit:
Hey Hakka Noodle, youve come in from abroad and you only wanna see naked, hungry people, dont you want to see the taj mahal?

Chinese tourist:
no no, hungry and poor men!

Butkya:
[Runs up with a small shopping bag] Bro will this bag do?

Circuit:
[looks at the bag, takes and it whacks him across the head with it] you stupid! how the hell am i going to fit him in? am i going to fold him in there? hey you? [to the chinese tourist] How long are you?

Chinese tourist:
5 foot six

Circuit:
[to the gang member] get a six foot bag! [to the chinese tourist] you come with me, you dont want to see taj mahal, i will show you hungry indian! [leads him into the ambulance]

Chinese tourist:
[from inside the ambulance, as circuit knocks him out] Argh!

Murli Prasad Sharma:
Hey circuit, check this out, who would want to marry a cry baby? he tries to commit suicide after a six month fling! Hey [talks to the boy in the hospital bed] your mother has loved you all your life, can't you stay alive for her?