Muppet Babies

[repeated Line]

Kermit:
Sheesh.

Beaker:
Meep, meep meep meep.

Sherlock Bunsen:
How am I going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.

Fozzie:
This looks like a joke I once told.

Rowlf:
You can't see a joke, Fozzie.

Fozzie:
You can once you get hit with tomatoes.

Gonzo:
We love working in salt mines, right guys?

All:
Gonzo.

Fozzie:
Yeah we don't even mind pepper.

All:
Fozzie.

Kermit:
That book is 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

Fozzie:
Gee, a story about an under water bowling team?

Gonzo:
Maybe my brain isn't working right.

Rowlf:
Your brain's never worked right, Gonzo.

Gonzo:
Oh yeah, I forgot.

Kermit:
Hey, did you guys see what I heard?

Miles:
We gotta take five.

Fozzie:
Five? Why can't we all go?

Fozzie:
[Looking at ancient statues resembling Gonzo] These guys do kinda look like Gonzo's brothers.

Piggy:
You can say that again.

Fozzie:
Okay, these guys do kinda look like Gonzo's bro...

Piggy:
Don't push it, Fozzie.

Animal:
[after each episode] Go bye-bye!

Kermit:
They don't call me the fastest gum in the west for nothing, ya know.

Piggy:
Scooter, if you had ten hot dogs and Skeeter took three of them, what would you have?

Fozzie:
He'd have a tummy ache. Get it? Ha ha. Wokka wokka wokka.

Piggy:
If you have to tell jokes then tell them to the wall.

Fozzie:
Okay, hey wall, why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wokka wokka wokka.

Fozzie:
What's the difference between an orange?

Nanny:
Go ahead, Fozzie, finish the joke.

Fozzie:
It *is* finished. *That's* the joke.

Kermit:
[singing] Frog in the swamp, where mosquitoes and fireflies roam, Where if you're rod toed, you stay out of the road, Cause the cars that go by, they don't honk.

Piggy Pardon:
I don't quite know how to tell you this, Kermit, but on a scale of one to ten, that song was MINUS TWELVE. IT'S HORRIBLE. AAAAAHHHHHH.

Piggy:
Oh Kermit. You saved me and my millions. How can I ever repay you?

Kermit:
Um, well about two bucks for gas oughta cover it.

Piggy:
WHAT?

Kermit:
On second thought, let's just call it even, keep the money.

Scooter:
What happened. Fozzie?

Fozzie:
Rowlf went into the closet to think about my joke. He'll probably come out when he thinks it's funny.

Skeeter:
Boy, we'll never see him again.

Fozzie:
Yeah... Huh?

Fozzie:
Hey, Rowlf, wanna hear a funny joke?

Rowlf:
No thanks, Fozzie.

Fozzie:
Okay here it goes: what food do you eat with your mouth open? Give up? *see* food. Get it? Wokka, wokka, wokka.

Fozzie:
This is one of the worst peanut butter and traffic jams I've ever seen. Get it? Peanut butter, traffic jam?

All:
We got it.

Kermit:
I never asked to be an uncle.

Skeeter:
No one asks to be an uncle. Your big sister has babies, that makes you their aunt or uncle and them your niece or nephew.

Kermit:
Oh, well that's different.

Fozzie:
We all have a lullaby.

Kermit:
I think you mean alibi.

Fozzie:
That's what I said, lullaby.

Gonzo:
Awww, she called me a nerd. Next I'll be the nerd of her dreams.

Gonzo:
Weird is my middle name.

Scooter:
This is really weird.

Gonzo:
Yeah, isn't it great?

Mr. Big:
We don't serve comedians here.

Fozzie:
Good, 'cause I don't wanna eat one.

Lepre-Kermit:
All you have to do to find a four-leaf clover is be lucky.

Fozzie:
But I'm not lucky.

Lepre-Kermit:
Of course not, that's what you need a four-leaf clover for. Hmm, you do have a problem don't you?

Fozzie:
What do you call a yo-yo that goes down but won't come up? A yo. Wokka wokka wokka.

Piggy:
Here's your order, Kermie.

Kermit:
Gee, thanks, Piggy, but I didn't order anything.

Kermit:
Well Mr... Um...

Edgar Putinteen:
Edgar.

Kermit:
What?

Edgar Putinteen:
My name's Edgar. Putinteen. Ask me again and I'll tell you the same.

Fozzie:
[Hops on toy motorcycle but it will not go] Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.

Fozzie:
[Has body of fish instead of tail] Personally, I don't think this Mer-Bear stuff is so hot.

Kermit:
Um, Fozzie, I think you have your imagination on backwards. Your legs are supposed to look like a fish, not your head.

Fozzie:
Oh, I knew that.

Fozzie:
Maybe I should tell them a joke.

Kermit:
I don't think so, Fozzie, we're in enough trouble as it is.

Fozzie:
Yeah... Huh?

Fozzie:
What do you call a kangaroo in Scotland?

Animal:
Dinner.

Fozzie:
No that's not right. You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka. [Get's hit with tomatoes] Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that's not funny.

Animal:
Fozzie.

Piggy:
I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married.

Kermit:
I don't wanna waste a wish.

Piggy:
WHAT?

Kermit:
Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.

[the car has stopped on railroad tracks and a train is coming]

Piggy:
All right everybody now calm down. Come on now Kermit, step on it.

Kermit:
Um, gee, the motor won't start, Piggy.

Piggy:
WHAT? [Karate chops the hood and the engine starts right up]

Kermit:
Gee thanks Piggy.

Piggy:
You're welcome. NOW GET US OUTTA HERE.

Gonzo:
Let's synchronize our watches.

Scooter:
We don't have any watches.

Gonzo:
That's okay, I don't know what synchronize means anyway.

Fozzie:
This fantasy is rated PG. We're under age.

Skeeter:
Rowlf can pick up the scent.

Rowlf:
I didn't know anybody dropped it.

Reporter:
Mr. President, how does it feel to be the first frog in the White House?

Kermit:
It feels, uh, green. I mean keen. It feels really keen.

Scooter:
Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg Address.

Kermit:
Um, what is the Gettysburg address?

Statue of Abe Lincoln:
Why, 227 Gettysburg Road, of course.

Reporter:
Mr. President, what do you plan to do about the high cost of living?

Kermit:
Good question. I guess I'll have to get my allowance raised.

Scooter:
When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress.

Fozzie:
Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.

[Piggy has tossed Gonzo away by the nose]

Gonzo:
[dazed] Woo-hoo. She touched my nose. I think she's in love.

Fozzie:
Don't worry Piggy, I'm a professional, OOPS. [drops his papers]

Piggy:
You're a professional oops all right.

[trying to adjust video camera]

Gonzo:
Hey, stay in focus. You're fuzzy.

Fozzie:
No way, Gonzo. I'm not Fuzzy, I'm Fozzie.

[the Muppets are making a movie; Gonzo is directing]

Piggy:
Moi, is going to be the producer.

Kermit:
Gee, what do producers do, Piggy?

Piggy:
That's very simple, Kermy. THEY FIRE DIRECTORS!

Fozzie:
Are you the Great Gurgle?

Great Gurgle:
No, I'm Snow White.

Fozzie:
Snow White? I thought she was shorter.

Scooter:
Gonzo, what's that noise?

Gonzo:
[chewing] Oh, it's just termites chewing on my nose.

Scooter:
But your nose isn't made of wood, Gonzo.

Gonzo:
Of course it is. Pinocchio was my cousin.

Gonzo:
Piggy, have you seen my baby chick Camilla?

Gonzo:
[as Cluck Kent in a dream stuck in the elevator after the cable has brokened] Uh where was I?

Kermit:
I believe your were plunging to certain doom.

Gonzo:
Oh yeah! This looks like a job for... [takes off hat and trench coat and then grows taller with big muscles] SUPER GONZO!

"Spaceton Theme" Singers:
[singing a theme similar to "The Jetsons"] Meet those Spacetons.

Kermit:
[shouts] Stop that singing!

"Spaceton Theme" Singers:
[singing] Stop that singing.

Piggy:
Kermit, fix it!

"Spaceton Theme" Singers:
[singing] Kermit, fix it.

Kermit:
Sheesh.

Piggy:
Oh, brother!

"Spaceton Theme" Singers:
[singing] Sheesh, oh brother.

Piggy:
[shouts] Quiet!

Kermit:
[shouts] Shut up!

"Spaceton Theme" Singers:
[singing] Quiet, shut up.

Piggy:
I hate this song.

Guy:
[Talking about Miss Piggy] Hey it's Porky Pig's sister.

Piggy:
[Annoyed] WATCH IT THERE, BUB!

Scooter:
[after talking about telling stories] Why do you always go first?

Piggy:
The answer to that is simple.

Piggy:
IT'S BECAUSE I SAY SO!

Scooter:
Oh!

Gonzo:
Nanny's gonna get rid of me. She doesn't know what I am.

Nanny:
[Dream about Gonzo being thrown out by Nanny] AND STAY OUT!

Gonzo:
[gets thrown into a dumptruck] Don't I get a goodbye kiss?

Gonzo:
[gets his chicken thrown to him] I guess a goodbye chicken is better than a goodbye kiss.

Gonzo:
Come on, bust a move, will ya? Heard that on MTV.

Fozzie:
[after he shows his painting] How do you like my painting? I call it "Still-Life With Tomatoes."

Rowlf:
[Scooter retches] I think you oughta stick to telling jokes, Fozzie.

Piggy:
[reading to Robin] Once there was a little green tadpole and he got chased down a tadpole hole.

Gonzo:
Hey, Piggy, don't you mean a little rabbit that got chased down a rabbit hole?

Piggy:
I say it's a little green tadpole that got chased down a tadpole hole and unless you want to get shoved into a weirdo hole [raising her voice] you'd better keep quiet!

Piggy:
Gonzo, you're weird.

Gonzo:
Thanks.

Piggy:
You can't fool me. You stole that move from James Bond.

Gonzo:
And I stole this move from Michael Jackson.

Newscaster:
"Mad Dog Marvin" who gained fame breaking into houses at night wearing a ski-mask has escaped. [the babies gasp] In other news, authorities have cautioned local residents to protect themselves...

Kermit:
Did you hear that, Fozzie? We're supposed to protect ourselves.

Rowlf:
From a skiing dog burglar.

Newscaster:
As the storm is due in this evening with gale force winds and heavy rain, double check to make sure all your windows and doors are locked so nothing can get in.

Nanny:
Oh my, did you hear that, kids? I better check all those windows and doors before it gets too late.

Kermit:
Can we go with you, Nanny?

Rowlf:
Yeah, we kind of don't want to be down here without you.

Nanny:
What? Okay, come on, let's start in the basement.

Animal:
Good idea!

Rowlf:
That's where all burglars try to get in, the basement!

Kermit:
Oh great!

Fozzie:
Kermit? Piggy? Gonzo? Where are you guys?

Newscaster:
Authorities fear they are missing.

Fozzie:
I'll say! We're all alone, Teddy!

Newscaster:
And remember, be sure to double check all those windows and doors.

Fozzie:
Oh no, we've gotta protect Nanny's house from that ski-mask dog burglar.

Newscaster:
And don't forget the attic.

Fozzie:
Right, the attic!

Fozzie:
Hello? Mr. Ski-Mask Burglar guy, is that you? Do you see anyone, Teddy? [shakes Teddy's head] Boy, that's a relief, huh? [sees their reflections in a mirror] WHOA! Did you see that, Teddy? The ski dog mask burglar guy looks just like me, and he's got a Teddy just like you and, huh?

Nanny:
Piggy!

Piggy:
Coming, Nanny! [trips]

Nanny:
[under her breath] Give me strength.

Fozzie:
[talking to his and Teddy's reflections, then hears voices in the basement through the air vent] But if that's us, and this is us, then who's that in the basement? [gasp] The ski mask ham dog burglar! Come on!

Gonzo:
Piggy! A man-eating manhole cover!

Fozzie:
Hello? Mr. Burglar Hamster? That's funny, I thought I heard someone. Let's set a trap in the kitchen next, Teddy, bugling hamburgers always go in there.

Piggy:
Goof, come on, follow me. [steps on Fozzie's rubber chicken, slides into the next room and crashes]

Gonzo:
Follow that? Madonna couldn't follow that!

Gonzo:
[hiding in the closet, only their eyes visible] Uh... I hate to mention this but uh, how many of us came in here?

Scooter:
[among the jumble] Let's see, there's you...

Piggy, Scooter, Skeeter:
Four?

Gonzo:
Right, so uh, who's he? [nods up to a 5th set of eyes]

Scooter:
What about those guys we saw at the window?

Gonzo:
Set a booby trap!

Fozzie:
Uh uh.

Piggy:
Drop him in the laundry!

Fozzie:
Nope.

Gonzo:
Trip him with a rope.

Fozzie:
Tried that.

Piggy:
Put a bag on his head!

Fozzie:
Tried all that stuff.

Skeeter:
Boy, Nanny needs to get a new decorator.

Scooter:
Yeah, or move to a new neighborhood.

Fozzie:
If that ski burglar monster guy thinks he's going to steal my joke collection, he's got another thing coming, right Teddy? [closes the door behind him and trips down the stairs and crashes] Bet that scared him, heh?

Fozzie:
I'll just set this last pan here, and there. The lube-job bungler comes through the door, steps on this, the flour shoots out, he falls over there, the rope snaps up and presto, ha ha! The lollypop pickler ends up in the ketchup bucket, right, Teddy?

Fozzie:
The bagel sniffer fell in the whoopie-clucker!

Gonzo:
They'll probably drill him full of holes like Swiss cheese.

Kermit:
I have a toothache too, Nanny.

Rowlf:
Kermit, frogs don't have any teeth.

Kermit:
[to camera] I won't tell if you won't.

Kermit:
What's the apple for, Piggy?

Piggy:
Hmmm, an apple a day keeps the dentist away.

Gonzo:
[in 'Leave it to Weirdo'] There's nothing wrong with your set, this house is black and white because it's BOOOOORING.

Nanny:
[coming into the nursery and finding everybody asleep] That's strange, I could've sworn I heard a submarine.

Gonzo:
[in 'Leave it to Weirdo'] How about you, Mr. Bark Bark?

Rowlf:
Mr. Bark Bark? Get me out of here! Heeeeelp! Heeeelp!

Kermit:
And so, Princess Piggy and Kermit Skyhopper lived happily ever after. The end.

Fozzie:
[Rowlf's missing] Maybe he's under here. [goes under the blanket] Hey Rowlf!

Piggy:
And Kermie's gone too...

Fozzie:
[surfacing] Piggy. [Piggy screams] Maybe one of those ghosts Rowlf was talking about came and took him away.

Piggy:
Don't be ridiculous.

Skeeter:
Maybe we went too far and we're in the 6th dimension.

Gonzo:
Naah, the 6th dimension has marshmallow floors and purple swing sets.

Skeeter:
Oh yeah... huh?

Scooter:
What's going on?

Skeeter:
Oh we're just being held prisoner by this mean looking guy with scary eyes.

Fozzie:
Oh no, it's the great vanil- I mean camil- I mean...

Animal:
[jumping out] Lamina! Lamina!

All:
Animal?

Man:
Yes! Lamina spelled backwards is Animal.

Kermit:
YIIIIPE! My imagination sure is scary today!

Piggy:
[stepping on Fozzie's collection of whoopie cushions] Where are we?

Gonzo:
Uh, this is the land of Whoopie.

Piggy:
Oh brother, Alice in Whoopieland.

Skeeter:
[Piggy, Gonzo and Animal come into the nursery screaming] What's going on?

Gonzo:
Piggy lost her Alice book and the library's going to chop off her head!

Skeeter:
Huh? Gosh, how overdue is it?

Kermit:
Nanny says imaginations run wild around books, but this is ridiculous.

Piggy:
What's this?

Gonzo:
Labyrinth card.

Piggy:
I can't believe he said that, can you?

Rowlf:
There must be a million books in here.

Fozzie:
Yeah, or 12 at least.

Gonzo:
I want to check this book out again; Land of the Gnomes and Goblins, it's my favorite.

Skeeter:
Eww, they look weird.

Gonzo:
Yeah I know, that's what I like.

Piggy:
Oh, I'll never find my book in time.

Gonzo:
Goblins probably took it.

Piggy:
Huh? *gasp* Gonzo?

Gonzo:
Uh-uh, Gonzo, Head Troll around here, all the goblins know me.

Gonzo:
So uh, what's this about your book?

Piggy:
Well, I got it from the library last week, but now...

Gonzo:
Ah! It could be, in there! [points to the Labyrinth]

Piggy:
What is that?

Gonzo:
Public Labyrinth.

Piggy:
Public what?

Gonzo:
Labyrinth, kind of like a maze. Goblins take books there!

Piggy:
They do?

Piggy:
What happened to you guys?

Rowlf:
When?

Fozzie:
Is this a riddle?

Rowlf:
He loves riddles.

Fozzie:
Yeah, wanna do a knock-knock?

Piggy:
Uh-uh, could you guys tell me which way to go?

Rowlf:
Who?

Fozzie:
Us?

Rowlf:
No way.

Fozzie:
We don't know anything.

Rowlf:
We could tell you a lot of jokes though.

Fozzie:
Why did the...

Piggy:
Knock it off! [Fozzie and Rowlf shrink back] Now, what door leads to my book?

Fozzie:
We give up.

Rowlf:
Which one?

Fozzie:
I don't think she knows.

Rowlf:
It's not fair to ask riddles if you don't know the answers.

Piggy:
It wasn't a riddle, it was just a question!

Piggy:
You're a mouse.

Kermit:
Uh-huh, so are you. Want some cheese?

Piggy:
So am I what?

Kermit:
A mouse, here, take a look.

Piggy:
[screams] I'm a mouse!

Kermit:
That's what I said.

Piggy:
Well what happened? I don't want to be a mouse.

Kermit:
Well um, I think you sort of fell into my imagination, sorry.

Piggy:
Can you believe this?

Kermit:
Are you sure you don't want some cheese?

Piggy:
Scooter, Skeeter, is that you?

Skeeter:
Uh huh, we're cater... pillars.

Scooter:
Hey, we're mice! What happened?

Piggy:
Don't ask.

Kermit:
I guess imaginations go kind of crazy around all these books.

Gonzo:
An Orangutroll! [sees the others tickling Animal] They're tickling him! Tickling, a fate worse than chickenpox!

Skeeter:
Have you hugged your book today, Piggy? [laughs]

Piggy:
Boy, for a librarian, she sure gets around.

Piggy:
[Nanny's asleep watching a cooking show] Nanny, what would the library do if someone actually lost their book?

TV chef:
Well first we chop off their little heads!

Piggy:
Really?

TV chef:
Then we plump them into boiling water until the skin comes off and they get all soft and mussy.

Gonzo:
Boy, these library people are serious!

Piggy:
Come on, let's get out of here! [run out of the room]

TV chef:
And in 20 minutes, you have a delicious bellaruff modernuff turnip souffle. Bon appetite!

Newsanchor:
This is Clyde Crumpet with the morning news yesterday's South American Earthqauke...

Animal:
[shouts] Earthquake Earthquake [the other Muppets start feeling the effect of the earthquake]

Kermit:
Gonzo the channel change the channel.

Animal:
Earthquake Earthquake [laughs and Gonzo then changes the channel]

Gonzo:
[Turns the channel on the tv to a superhero show] Oh boy this is my favorite.

Female Citizen#1:
Look up in the clouds.

Female Citizen#2:
It's a duck...

Male Citizen:
It's a blimp...

Gonzo:
[Puts on a rug as a cape] No it's Super Gonzo! [Goes into television set]

Kermit:
Gonzo?

Piggy:
Gonzo come back.

Animal:
Super Gonzo?

Gonzo:
[Gonzo as Cluck Kent is stuck in the elevator during a dream] Uh were was I?

Kermit:
I believe you were plunging to certain doom.

Gonzo:
Oh yeah This is a job for... [Removes trench coat and hat and grows taller with muscles] Super Gonzo!

Gonzo:
This is a job for... [Removes hat and trench coat and grows taller with muscles] Super Gonzo! [Tries to get out of the telephone booth but he can't]

Male citizen:
Look up there

Female citizen#1:
It's a plane

Female citizen#2:
No it's a chicken

Male citizen:
Nah it's just a telephone booth. [Super Gonzo is seen flying in the air in the telephone booth]

Kermit:
Where, are the dice?

Animal:
[Dice in his Eyes] Snake Eyes, hahahaha!

Kermit:
Animal, throw those dice, down here this minute!

Animal:
OKAY! [Animal, throws dice]

Animal:
[Chugging on a bottle of root beer, and belches]

Piggy:
You're dusgusting!

Animal:
Thank You... hahahaah!

Fozzie:
There once was an Indian named Ha-Ha/ Who planned to wed Kermawatha/ She got presents galore/ So I gave her one more [hands a present to Piggy and Piggy opens it to find a rubber chicken inside] A chicken that goes, "bawka, bawka!"

[everyone is upset because they think Animal is permanently lost]

Rowlf:
Wow, things aren't gonna be the same around here without the little guy to mess things up.

Fozzie:
Yeah, he used to laugh at my jokes.

Rowlf:
Well, nobody's perfect.

Scooter:
[Scooter as Super Scooter has just punched holes in the computer drawing in the comic book] That's it no more comics, no more stupid outfits, no more scooper suiter, pooper scooper or Super Scooter I quit. [Walks off]

Piggy:
I don't want to be Slipping Beauty, I want to be Sleeping Beauty.

Baby Fozzie Bear:
[on the walkie-talkie] That's what I said. She'll step on a banana peel and fall - asleep, forever.

Piggy:
Forever?

Piggy:
[as the little princess] Hmph, this story is beginning to sound more like "Slipping Beauty" than "Sleeping Beauty". Can't we do something about this harp?

Fozzie:
I'd be the best wicked queen of all, because I'm the funniest. [clears his throat] Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the funniest bear of all?

Mirror:
Fozzie Bear, I never lie. When you tell jokes, I wanna cry!

[throws a tomato at Fozzie]

Fozzie:
See? Pretty funny, huh?

Gonzo:
[after Miss Piggy turns him into a clay figure of himself] Pigs - you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. [faints]

Gonzo, Animal, Fozzie, Rowlf, Piggy, Kermit, Skeeter, Scooter:
[all singing; repeated chorus] We love cartoons; we love all the action / We love cartoons, how they dance and sing / We love cartoons, they're the main attraction / Cartoon heroooes can do anything!

Fozzie:
Something tells me I ought to give up comedy and go into the tomato sauce business.

Fozzie:
[carrying an armload of Scooter's computer paper] Who needs paper? [he falls and the paper flutters in all directions] Whoa!

Animal:
Me need, me need! [he reaches for the fluttering paper and gulps it down as he laughs]

Fozzie:
Animal, that's not how you make cartoons.

Gonzo:
There's nothing deeper than a cartoon hole.

Scooter:
Computers make the best animation because they're so exact and mathematical.

Rowlf:
Hey guys, I just invented a new form of cartoon. I call it "pianimation".

All:
[lightning strikes and puts out the power] Yipe!

Piggy:
What happened?

Gonzo:
I knew it!

All:
What?

Gonzo:
They're here.

Rowlf:
Who?

Gonzo:
The aliens! They've landed and drained the earth of all its electricity. They'll be coming for me next! [runs and trips on the dominoes] They got me!

Gonzo:
It's got me!

Nanny:
What's the matter, Gonzo?

Gonzo:
The ghost has got me! The ghost has... Nanny? Uh, hi Nanny, I didn't know you were a ghost.

Scooter:
Hey, my computer won't work without power!

Rowlf:
Yeah, neither will my record player.

Piggy:
We can't even watch TV.

Kermit:
Gee, without electricity we can't do anything.

Nanny:
Of course you can, your imaginations work without electricity.

Nanny:
When I was a little girl, I used to listen to radio dramas and imagine that I was in the stories.

Piggy:
But radios don't work without electricity, Nanny.

Nanny:
That's true, Piggy, but I've got some cassettes of old radio programs and a battery powered tape player. I'll get it for you.

[Piggy is chasing Fozzie]

Statler:
You know, I think that little pig's really on to something.

Waldorf:
Yeah, I'll say. She's invented the perfect way for the bear to lose weight...

Statler, Waldorf:
...Fear. [they both laugh]

Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette:
Oh well, What have we here? Tresure stealing mutineers, eh?

Miss Piggy:
Girl Pirates?

Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette:
We're not Pirates, we're "Pirettes". Captain Crochette Hook.

Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette:
Captain Blackwig.

Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette:
And Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirettes. [the Pirettes cackle]

Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette:
Oh, I just can't wait!

Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette:
Yeah, we're going to be stars!

Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette:
Oh, Broadway, here we come!

Miss Piggy:
Excus'e Moi, well, Have you uhh... "Pirettes" ever thought about getting into show business?

Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette, Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette, Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette:
Show Business?

Miss Piggy:
Um, sure! You'd make a wonderful song and dance act.

Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette:
Really?

Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette, Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette, Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette:
Us?

Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette:
Singers?

Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette:
And dancers? [Pirettes giggle sheepishly]

Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette:
Oh, this is exciting!

Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette:
Oh, we'll be famous!

Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette:
We'll pack our trunks and be right back! Show business, here we come! [Pirettes leave to their quarters excitedly to start packing]

Captain Crochette Hook the Pink Pirette:
Okay, we're all packed! [Pirettes gasp in shock when they realized they were tricked by the Muppet Babies] Look, the Treasure's gone!

Captain Blackwig the Blue Pirette:
The little rats must've taken it!

Captain of the Pittsburgh Pirates the Green Pirette:
Let's Get Them!

Fozzie:
[after seeing a pair of chicken-fish] Okay, how does a chicken fish? Give up? On porpoise! Get it? Fish on porpoise? [giggles, then looks off-camera with a start] Uh-oh! Whoa! [ducks down as a tomato-fish swims over his head] Whew! That was a close one. I almost got a tomato-fish right in the kisser! [the tomato-fish returns and kisses him] Ugh! Hey!

Gonzo:
Wait a minute. What's fun besides making trouble?

Piggy:
Why are you falling asleep, Bunsen? It won't be dark for hours.

Bunsen:
HOURS? I can't wait hours. I haven't slept in 3 days!

Fozzie:
Three days? Why not?

Bunsen:
[points to Beaker] Him! The other night Beaker watched a movie called 'The Flying Monster that Attacked in the Dark', and since then he hasn't slept a wink, and neither have I!

Gonzo:
Oh boy, we may not have ghosts, but we've got one heck of a problem, SLIME MONSTER!

Gonzo:
Quick! Let's hide in that haunted house! What am I saying?

Rowlf:
There must be something we can do to help the little guy out.

Bunsen:
No! I've tried everything! Hypnotism, boring stories, hot soup, nothing worked!

Skeeter:
Talk about pigging out.

Piggy:
I will have no wisecracks in my story!