Muppet Movie

Kermit:
That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwin.

Fozzie:
I'm a professional. I've had three performances.

Fozzie:
Oh, I'm so Nervous. If this movie's no good, I won't be able to live with myself.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew:
Well, then you'll have to get another apartment.

Fozzie:
Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.

Bernie:
You, you with the banjo, can you help me? I seem to have lost my sense of direction!

Kermit:
Have you tried Hare Krishna?

Fozzie:
I don't know how to thank you guys.

Kermit:
I don't know WHY to thank you guys.

Fozzie:
You can come with us.

Gonzo:
Where are you going?

Fozzie:
We're following our dreams!

Gonzo:
Really? I have a dream, too.

Fozzie:
What?

Gonzo:
You might think it's stupid.

Fozzie:
No.

Gonzo:
Well, I want to go to Bombay, India to become a movie star.

Fozzie:
You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star. You go where we're going, Hollywood.

Gonzo:
Well, sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way.

Rowlf the Dog:
It's not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad.

Kermit:
Where did you learn to drive?

Fozzie:
I took a correspondence course.

El Sleezo Patron:
Hello, sailor, buy me a drink?

Kermit:
Well, you see, I'm not a sailor, I'm a frog.

El Sleezo Patron:
Oh, cut the small talk and buy me a drink.

Kermit:
I don't even know you.

El Sleezo Tough:
Hey, hey! Have you messed with my girl?

Kermit:
Uh, I...

El Sleezo Patron:
He did so. He touched me.

El Sleezo Tough:
Uch. Wash up, you'll get warts.

Kermit:
That's a myth.

El Sleezo Tough:
Yeah, but she's *my* "myth"!

Kermit:
No, no, myth, myth!

Myth:
Yeth?

El Sleezo Cafe Owner:
That's toughest meanest filfiest place that fell off of the face of the earth

Kermit:
Well why not complain to the owner?

El Sleezo Cafe Owner:
I am the owner.

Kermit:
This guy's lost.

Waiter:
Maybe he sould try Hare Krishna.

Kermit:
Good grief, it's a running gag.

Fozzie:
There was this sailor who was so fat!

Sailor:
How fat was he?

Fozzie:
Uh, he was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all.

Kermit:
Hey, Fozzie, turn left when you come to a fork in the road.

Fozzie:
Turning left at a fork in the road. Kermit!

Kermit:
I don't believe that.

Sam the Eagle:
Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?

Robin the Frog:
Uncle Kermit, is this how the Muppets really got started?

Kermit:
Well, it's sort of approximately what happened.

Max Krassman:
It is important to remember that you have to hold on to your hat

Doc Hopper:
What for?

Max Krassman:
When a German scientist tells you to hold on to your hat, he's not being metaphorical. HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT! HAT! HOLD! Good.

Statler:
I'm Statler.

Waldorf:
I'm Waldorf. We're here to heckle "The Muppet Movie".

Gate Guard:
Tell him it's down on the left. Private screening room B.

Statler:
Private screening?

Waldorf:
Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public.

Statler:
I like this movie fine so far.

Waldorf:
It hasn't started yet.

Statler:
That's what I like about it.

The Swedish Chef:
The flim is okee-dokee.

Kermit:
Alright, roll the film.

The Swedish Chef:
Flim a-rolling!

Kermit:
It's the patriotic part.

Robin the Frog:
Should we stand up?

Zoot:
I'm, uh... I'm, uh... I'm...

Floyd Pepper:
Zoot. The sax is your ax. Uh-oh, Zoot skipped a groove again.

Zoot:
I'm, uh, uhh...

Floyd Pepper:
You're Zoot. Sax is your axe. Zoot skipped a groove again.

Fozzie:
No problem.

Miss Piggy:
Whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

Kermit:
Motorcycle cop.

Miss Piggy:
"Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?

Kermit:
A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

Insolent Waiter:
Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.

Animal:
RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

Floyd Pepper:
Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal.

Animal:
I what do! EAT DRUMS!

Dr. Teeth:
No, no, no, no, no, *beat* drums, *beat* drums.

Kermit:
Wow, this is nice, a Studebaker.

Fozzie:
Yeah, my uncle left it to me.

Kermit:
Oh, is he dead?

Fozzie:
No, he's hibernating.

Miss Piggy:
Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

Kermit:
Uh... motorcycle cop.

Miss Piggy:
"Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?

Kermit:
A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

Kermit:
What's happening?

Floyd Pepper:
At the moment, *we're* what's happenin'.

Rowlf the Dog:
"Stay away from women." That's my motto.

Kermit:
But I can't.

Rowlf the Dog:
Neither can I. That's my trouble.

Statler:
Well, how do you like the film?

Waldorf:
I've seen detergents leave a better film than this.

Kermit:
It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation. This crowd's getting ugly.

Fozzie:
If you think this crowd's ugly, you should see the dancing girls.

Bernie:
If you ever come to Hollywood, look me up, Bernie, the agent.

Kermit:
Hey, listen, Bernie the Agent, why don't you say "hello" to Arnie the alligator?

Mad Man Mooney:
Jack, get rid of this pile of junk! That's my jack.

Kermit:
Oh, hi, Jack.

Sweetums:
"Jack" not name, "jack" job.

Doc Hopper:
Listen, we're a small business but we've expanded. Expanded! Just like you frogs expand. Don't you frogs expand?

Kermit:
That's a myth.

Doc Hopper:
A what?

Kermit:
MYTH! MYTH!

Myth:
Yeth?

Kermit:
Uh...

Kermit:
C'mon, bear, burn rubber!

Kermit:
Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead.

Fozzie:
What is that?

Kermit:
Maybe we should ask him for a ride?

Fozzie:
I don't know. He looks really big.

Fozzie:
Hey there! Wanna lift?

Big Bird:
Oh, no thanks. I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television.

Fozzie:
Oh. Good luck.

Fozzie and Kermit walk into the old church where Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem are rehearsing.

Fozzie:
They don't look like Presbyterians to me.