My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Angelo:
Hey Ian, we're gonna kill ya! Opah!

Maria Portokalos:
Nicko! Don't play with food! When I was your age, I didn't have food!

Aunt Voula:
What do you mean he don't eat no meat?

Aunt Voula:
Oh, that's okay. I make lamb.

Maria Portokalos:
Toula, on my wedding night, my mother, she said to me, "Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom."

Toula Portokalos:
Eww. Please let that be the end of your speech.

Gus Portokalos:
In the end, we're all fruit.

Toula Portokalos:
When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate, and I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns.

Toula Portokalos:
I had to go to Greek school, where I learned valuable lessons such as, "If Nick has one goat and Maria has nine, how soon will they marry?"

Gus Portokalos:
There are two kinds of people - Greeks, and everyone else who wish they was Greek.

Harriet Miller:
How are we supposed to know what's going on?

Rodney Miller:
It's all Greek to me.

Toula Portokalos:
Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband, work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, thirty and way past my expiration date.

Gus Portokalos:
Where are you going?

Toula Portokalos:
I'm taking a pottery class.

Gus Portokalos:
Ah! The Greeks invented pottery. Hmph.

Gus Portokalos:
Give me a word, any word, and I show you that the root of that word is Greek.

Gus Portokalos:
Put some Windex on it.

Athena:
I'm going to The Jewel. Listen, I'll get you some pantyhose.

Maria Portokalos:
No queen size. They make me look fat.

Aunt Voula:
Nikki, how come you no come to curl-a my hairs this morning?

Nikki:
Ma! I had to drop Dimos at work. And now, I gotta go open the travel agency, because, you know, some jag-off and his big-ass girlfriend are too busy.

Angelo:
Ma! Tell her I open up the dry cleaners every day, and I think it's about time she did something for a change.

Nikki:
Excuse me? Do you know who's at the dry cleaner this morning? My husband is at the dry cleaner!

Angelo:
You're always at the beauty parlor, with your nails and your hair and everything.

Nikki:
Don't you talk about my hair! You are so lazy! You and your big-ass girlfriend do nothing!

Angelo:
Did somebody sit on your hair? I mean, it looks a little flat there.

Nikki:
Angelo... bite me!

Aunt Voula:
Disgusting! Be a lady!

Maria Portokalos:
We must let Kosta think this was his idea.

Aunt Voula:
Alright, I know.

Maria Portokalos:
That he came up with it.

Aunt Voula:
Alright.

Toula Portokalos:
Ma, he's gonna figure it out.

Maria Portokalos:
Don't you worry.

Aunt Voula:
Okay, I know what to do you.

Maria Portokalos:
You don't know what to do. You talk, talk, talk, all the time!

Aunt Voula:
Do you want my help?

Maria Portokalos:
Yes, I want your help!

Aunt Voula:
Tell me what to say. But don't tell me what to say.

Maria Portokalos:
Perfect!

Toula Portokalos:
Any second now he's gonna look at me and say, "You're so not worth this."

Ian Miller:
May I please date your daughter?

Gus Portokalos:
NO!

Nikki:
WHAT is going on? Mr. Pottery class... nice to meet ya.

Toula Portokalos:
Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"

Maria Portokalos:
Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.

Toula Portokalos:
I'm a snow beast!

Maria Portokalos:
It's a cake! I know! Thank you! Thank you very, very much.

Maria Portokalos:
There's a hole in this cake!

Gus Portokalos:
Kimono, kimono, kimono. Ha! Of course! Kimono is come from the Greek word himona, is mean winter. So, what do you wear in the wintertime to stay warm? A robe. You see: robe, kimono. There you go!

Maria Portokalos:
Where did you go?

Nick Portokalos:
Nowhere.

Maria Portokalos:
What did you do?

Nick Portokalos:
Nothing.

Maria Portokalos:
Who did you see?

Nick Portokalos:
No one.

Toula Portokalos:
If nagging were an Olympic sport, my Aunt Voula would win a gold medal!

Nick Portokalos:
Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become.

Toula Portokalos:
Nick that's beautiful.

Nick Portokalos:
Yeah that dear Abby really knows what she's talking about.

Nick Portokalos:
I've never seen my sister this happy, Ian. If you hurt her, I'll kill you and make it look like an accident.

Gus Portokalos:
It is YOUR LUCKY DAY... to be baptized into the Greek Orthodox Church!

Maria Portokalos:
Ian, are you hungry?

Ian Miller:
Uh no, I already ate.

Maria Portokalos:
Okay, I make you something.

Yianni:
Ian, if you're gonna be in this family, I get you some earplugs because the Portokalos women, if they're not nagging someone... THEY DIE!

Toula Portokalos:
Ah, you're in so much trouble when I tell my sister!

Athena:
Tell me what?

Ian Miller:
What do you do for Christmas with your family?

Toula Portokalos:
Uh, my mom makes roast lamb.

Ian Miller:
Mmm... with mint jelly?

Toula Portokalos:
No.

Ian Miller:
And...?

Toula Portokalos:
And...

Toula Portokalos:
I'm Greek, right?

Ian Miller:
Right?

Toula Portokalos:
So, what happens is my dad and uncles, they fight over who gets to eat the lamb brain. And then my aunt Voula forks the eyeball and chases me around with it, try to get me to eat it, 'cause it's gonna make me smart. So, you have two cousins, I have 27 first cousins. Just 27 first cousins alone! And my whole family is big and loud. And everybody is in each other's lives and business. All the time! Like, you never just have a minute alone, just to think, 'Cause we're always together, just eating, eating, eating! The only other people we know are Greeks, 'cause Greeks marry Greeks to breed more Greeks, to be loud breeding Greek eaters.

Ian Miller:
Wow.

Yiayia:
Bloodthirsty Turks!

Toula Portokalos:
Why?... Why do you love me?

Ian Miller:
Because I came alive when I met you

It was in Dubai, 2003 that i saw the movie and it was this scene conversation between the lead actress and brother about her anxiety on her forthcoming wedding that has left an indelible mark on me. The brother said something like this;

Don't let the past dictate who are but let it part of what you will become

[First lines]

Gus:
[to Toula] You better get married soon. You're starting to look... old!

Toula:
[narrating] My dad has been saying that to me since I was fifteen. Because nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things in life: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies, and feed everyone until the day we die.

Gus:
Now, gimme a word, any word, and I'll show you how the root of that word is Greek.

Young Athena:
[under her breath; embarrassed] Oh, not this again.

Gus:
Okay? How about arachnophobia? Arachna, that comes from the Greek word for spider, and phobia is a phobia, is mean fear. So, fear of spider, there you go.

Schoolgirl:
Okay, Mr. Portokalos. How about the word kimono?

Young Athena:
[whispers] Good one.

Gus:
Kimono, kimono, kimono. Ha! Of course! Kimono is come from the Greek word himona, is mean winter. So, what do you wear in the wintertime to stay warm? A robe. You see: robe, kimono. There you go!

Toula:
[narrating] A couple more years went by, and Dad brought his mother over from Greece to live with us. Because we weren't weird enough.

Yiayia:
[spoken in Greek] Listen up, ugly Turk. You're not kidnapping me!

[Gus laughs and tries to hug her, but Yiayia suddenly hits him and runs out the door. Maria and Gus chase after her.]

Gus:
Mama, please! The Greeks and the Turks friends now!

Toula:
[narrating] We told my grandma the war was over, but she still slept with a knife under her pillow.

Toula:
[narrating] If nagging were an Olympic sport, my Aunt Voula would win a gold medal!

Aunt Voula:
Taki, you couldn't wait for me?

Taki:
[whispers] Sorry, sorry.

Aunt Voula:
Sorry, sorry. Don't sorry me. Ugh. Look at this, a rash. Somebody gave me the mati.

Gus:
Put some Windex on. [sprays Windex on her rash]

Aunt Voula:
Ohh Gus, please, please!

Gus:
Voula, this works! Last night, my toe was as big as my face.

Taki:
[looks very interested]

Aunt Voula:
[very disgusted] So why you not wait for me?

Taki:
'Cause, he wants to talk.

[Toula is staring at Ian, oblivious that Mike and Ian notice.]

Mike:
Hi?

Toula:
[coming back to reality] Hi. Sorry. My brain...switched off, you know. You ever have one of those days? Going along and then...stop. Here I am, standing here, your own private Greek statue.

[Ian laughs]

Mike:
Could I, uh, get some more coffee?

Toula:
Sure. [pours Ian a cup and then walks off]

Toula:
Dad, I've been going through our inventory and, um, I've noticed that we've been doing a lot of unnecessary ordering. Um, so, I've been thinking that maybe we should update our system, like, get a computer. I don't know if you remember, but I got all A's in computers. But there's a lot of new stuff to learn now, so, um, if you want, I could go to college and, um, take a few courses.

Gus:
Why? Why you want to leave me? [starts crying]

Toula:
[upset by her father's overreaction] I'm not leaving you! Don't you want me to do something with my life?

Gus:
Yes! Get married! Make babies! You look so...old!

Maria Portokalos:
[arguing with Gus about Toula attending college] What is wrong with Toula going to school downtown?

Gus Portokalos:
There's drugs downtown!

Maria Portokalos:
What are you saying? Are you saying Toula will get involved with drugs?

Gus Portokalos:
No. But somebody will say to her, "Eh, take this bag down to the bus depot," and she'll do it!

Maria Portokalos:
She is not stupid! She's smart!

Gus Portokalos:
I know she's smart. So what for she needs more school? She's smart enough for a girl.

Maria Portokalos:
[offended] Oh! You think you're smarter than me, huh?

Gus Portokalos:
[stammering] No, I... I mean... You... you know...

Maria Portokalos:
[angrily] What? What you mean? I run the restaurant, I cook, I clean, I wash for you! And I raise three kids! And I teach Sunday school! You know? It's lucky for me I have you to tie my shoes!

Gus Portokalos:
Maria!

[Maria leaves the room, slamming the door, and smiles at Toula.]

[Toula is getting ready for a secret date with Ian.]

Gus Portokalos:
Where are you going?

Toula Portokalos:
I'm taking a pottery class.

Gus Portokalos:
[approvingly] Ah! The Greeks invented pottery.

Ian:
I know this great place... Zorba something... anyway, I'd love to take you there if you'd like to go.

Toula:
Uh, that place, Dancing Zorba's...

Ian:
Dancing Zorba's!

Toula:
My family kinda owns that place.

Ian:
[recognizing where he met Toula before] I remember you. You're that waitress.

Toula:
Seating hostess, actually.

Ian:
I remember you.

Toula:
Look, I was going through a phase until now. I was Frump Girl.

Ian:
I don't remember Frump Girl, but I remember you.

Gus:
You sneak around all over Chicago, but you never come here to ask me, can you date my daughter?

Ian:
Well, I'm sorry, I'll ask you if I can date your daughter. Sir, she's thirty years old.

Gus:
I am the head of this house.

Ian:
Okay, may I please date your daughter?

Gus:
Noooooo!

Toula:
I woke up with this huge zit this morning.

Ian:
Where?

Toula:
[points to spot on face] There.

Ian:
I had a huge zit this morning!

Toula:
Really? Where?

Ian:
[points to his face] Well, it was there, but it's gone now.

Toula:
Why?

Ian:
I put some Windex on it.

Toula:
[voiceover] Sometimes, I am afraid that it didn't happen. I'm scared that I'll wake up and still be buttering garlic bread, waiting for my life to start. But it did happen, it did! And I figured out some stuff. My family is big and loud, but they're my family. We fight and we laugh, and yes, we roast lamb on a spit in the front yard. And wherever I go, whatever I do, they will always be there. [scene change to Toula, Ian, and their young daughter in the present day] So, Ian and I moved into the house my parents bought us, a minute later I was pregnant, and six years later it was our daughter's turn to go to Greek School.

Daughter:
But Mom, I wanna go to Brownies.

Toula:
I know, I know, but I promise you this, you can marry whoever you want!

Aunt Voula:
[after her daughter Nikki behaves rudely] Skase! Be a lady!

Aunt Voula:
Tell me what to say. But don't tell me what to say.

Aunt Voula:
[to Ian's parents] Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal column. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin. [Ian's parents are horrified. Voula grabs a drink and toasts.] Opa!!

Aunt Voula:
Toula. Toula! You're engaged! You're engaged-We never think this would happen for you-Never! Never. Taki, didn't we say that..?

Aunt Voula:
[Watching Ian dance at the reception] Oh, Taki... he looks Greek.

Aunt Voula:
[Telling Ian's Family] Look, this is what we do. The parents, they give a gift.

Aunt Voula:
[To Gus and Maria] Woe to me, business is bad.

Aunt Voula:
[After Nick accidentally hears his name called] No, my Nikki. She was supposed to come over and curl my hair.

Toula:
[narrating] My dad believed in two things: That Greeks should educate non-Greeks about being Greek and that any ailment from psoriasis to poison ivy could be cured with Windex.

Toula:
Ma, you gonna make me swallow my tongue!

Gus Portokalos:
[to Ian's parents] Welcome to my home. Over here is my brother, Ted, and his wife, Melissa, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick. Over here, my brother Tommy, his wife Angie, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick. And here, my brother George, his wife Freda, and their children, Anita, Diane and Nick. Taki, Sophie, Kari, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, uh, Nikki, and I am Gus.

Gus Portokalos:
[at the wedding reception] Hello. Welcome to the Portokalos family and welcome the-the Miller family. I-I was thinking last night, um, the night before my-my daughter was gonna marry, uh, I-an Miller, that, um, you know, the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller come from the Greek word "milo", which is mean apple, there you go. As many of you know, our name Portokalos is come from the Greek word "portokali", which means orange. So, okay, here tonight we have, uh, apple and orange... we all different, but, in the end, we all fruit.

Gus Portokalos:
[To Maria and Toula] It is mistake to educate women but, nobody listen to me cause now we have a boyfriend in the house! Is he nice Greek boy? Oh no no Greek! No Greek xeno! Xeno with the long hair on top of his head!

Maria:
[after Athena offers to buy her some new pantyhose] No queen size, they make me look fat.

Maria:
[to Toula] I gave you life so that you could live it.

Greek School Teacher:
? ????? ???? ??? ???????. (Nikos has one goat.)