My Boyfriend's Back

Little Chuck:
Daddy, that dead man tried to eat me.

Mrs. Dingle:
Dr. Bronson, the reason I called is that our son Johnny... died the other day, and I was wondering if you could take a look at him... Would you like to talk to him? Sure. Johnny?

Johnny's School Teacher:
This is the most pathetic sexual fantasy I've ever seen.

Eddie:
Alright, newsflash, this just in, Johnny: Missy is going to the prom with Buck. You got it?

Johnny:
Look. You pretend to kill her, I save her life, she thinks I'm a hero, ditches Buck and goes to the prom with me. How sweet is that?

Eddie:
This is desperate and this is sick. I think you should get some therapy. I do!

Dr. Bronson:
Okay, well, you're dead. Which is unusual, because we don't normally see this much activity in a dead person.

Johnny:
I heard someone my age is supposed to be comfortable with the way their body changes, but given the circumstances, this was too much.

Mr. Dingle:
Goodbye, son. Be nice to God.

Dr. Bronson:
I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your boy is very sick. He's lost a massive amount of blood, and his pulse and retinal response are poor, and as you can see there's an axe sticking out of his head.

Big Chuck:
He's not sick, you idiot, he's dead!

Dr. Bronson:
Oh, everybody's a doctor. You think maybe I could make the diagnosis?

Johnny:
Sorry I'm late, Mrs. Cooper. You wouldn't BELIEVE the trouble I had getting here!

Johnny's School Teacher:
I would believe it. And I'm not impressed. You get one demerit.

Johnny:
But-!

Johnny's School Teacher:
Just because you're dead does not mean that you can come waltzing in here whenever you like.

Mr. Dingle:
You know son... your mother and I, and the ambulance driver, and the coroner, and the embalmer, were all pretty much convinced that you were dead.

Johnny:
I got better.

Mr. Dingle:
Huh. Well, welcome home, son.

Johnny:
Thanks.

Mrs. Dingle:
Are you hungry, do you want something to eat? Gee, there's a lot of food left over from the funeral.

Missy:
Johnny, hi! Uh, listen, I think it's really great that you're back from the dead and all, but I've got gym.

Johnny:
It's because I'm dead, isn't it. That's why you won't go out with me.

Missy:
Don't insult me.

Johnny:
You're afraid of what people might say, aren't you. Behind your back, everybody whispering, 'there goes Missy and the dead kid'!

Buck Van Patten:
You think you can hang out with us decent living folks like you're still alive or something?

Johnny:
Why is everyone making such a big deal about this? I've only been dead ONE DAY.

Johnny:
What?

Eddie:
What do you mean, what? You just tried to take a bite out of my arm!

Johnny:
I'm sorry, Eddie. It was just gonna be a little bite.

Johnny:
Look, I almost took a bite out of my friend Eddie, and it was SUCH the wrong thing to do. He's very mad.

Johnny:
You may not know this, Missy, but I ate Chuck for YOU!

Johnny:
I died for you! I came back from the dead for you! I love you!

Reporter Brenda:
We just received word that some sort of tragedy has happened in the high school today.

Sheriff McCloud:
No, nothing unusual.

Reporter Brenda:
I was referring to the slaughter.

Sheriff McCloud:
Right, well, there was that. Earlier today one of the students got badly killed.

Big Chuck:
Is there anyone in my family you DON'T plan to eat?

Big Chuck:
GOOD girls don't hang around with dead boys!

Johnny:
Just because I crawled out of a grave doesn't make me a frickin' zombie.