My Chauffeur

For several decades, the Brentwood Limousine Company has prided itself on two things: its reputation as the most prestigious limo company in Los Angeles and its status as an all male organization. But that's all about to change when the owner of the company hires a perky young woman named Casey Meadows as a chauffeur. The manager, Mr. McBride sees this as a catastrophe and he makes her trial period with the company difficult. Casey is given the worst assignments from problematic rock stars to a visiting sheik, but her worst assignment by far, is a young, uptight and totally humorless businessman. Unbeknownst to her, he is actually the owner's workaholic son, Battle. At first their relationship is just business, but that's about to change.

Genre: Comedy

Stars: Deborah Foreman, Sam Jones, Penn and Teller, Howard Hesseman

My Chauffeur Screenplay »

Edit Buy

: R (Restricted)
Year:: 1986
: 97
: 2,251 Views

Catfight:
Look at that. A blue woman with a blue dog.

McBride:
What are you doing?

Casey:
I came for a job!

McBride:
This is Brentwood Limousines Ltd.

Casey:
I know, I came to be a driver.

McBride:
Madame, if you continue masturbating my driver, you are going to be a murderer.

Giles:
You used to be a school bus driver and now you want to drive limousines?

Casey:
Woo - Baby!

Bone:
Ok ladies it's time for the GRATUITOUS NUDITY! You supply the nudity, and we supply the gratuity!

Casey:
Have you ever tried to give a dog an Alka-Seltzer?

Jenkins:
A woman is a horrible goddamned thing to have around.

O'Brien:
Damn it, man, what are you so hot and bothered about? Afraid she'll open her jacket and flash her titties at you? You couldn't handle that, could you?

Jenkins:
I've seen enough titties in my time.

Moses:
I haven't.

Moses:
No such thing as a bad titty.

Jenkins:
Goddamn it! There now! That's my point! The little bimbo hasn't been here an hour and all you hormone graveyards can talk about is nipples!

Moses:
Didn't mention nipples.

Catfight:
All I got to do now is find a one-legged nun walking a goat and I win!

McBride:
A woman says you and your friends tried to rape her... and her dog.

Casey:
She was worth 20,000 points.

McBride:
Don't get your nipples hard. you've got a long way to go before you're hired.

Casey:
We've been driving around in circles for two hours. I'm getting dizzy.

Casey:
They send me out last. You get me, you've hit bottom. I'm the last cookie in the jar.

Casey:
Oh, eat me.

Battle:
What did you say?

Casey:
Will we be stopping for lunch?

Casey:
Oh, what are you so worried about? I'm not going to get girly bugs on you!

Bone:
What planet you from, sugar tits? Saturn with the rings around your head?

Bone:
This is the club I hang at. And the problem is I'm going to be walking in with a guy dressed as a waterbed.

McBride:
You're running a goddamned whorehouse on wheels, woman! I can't have that!

Hey! Perky tits. Take off your clothes and get into bed.

Madam, if you continue masturbating my driver, you are going to be a murderer.

Share your thoughts on My Chauffeur's quotes with the community:

3 Comments

Notify me of new comments via email.

Chele
At least it it’s not sticky. I just hate it when it’s sticky.
LikeReply4 months ago
Sim Choo Lee
Quote for 2-way transport for 2 pax door-to-door transport service, Sin/Malacca
LikeReply5 years ago
Sim Choo Lee
clsim@nafa.edu.sg
LikeReply5 years ago