My Fake Fiance

Jennifer:
Let me guess. You lease a really nice car you can never buy. You never cry in movies. And you only bang hot chicks.

Vince:
Have we met?

Jennifer:
No.

Jennifer:
Hi, is Monkey there?

The Monkey:
It's 'The Monkey'.

Jennifer:
'The Monkey'? You're 'the kidding', right?

Vince:
Wow. Talk about commitment issues. You're getting cold feet over our pretend wedding.

Vince:
Girls love a guy that's been left at the altar. So I'll definitely be seeing some sympathy boom-chicka-wa-wa!

Pants:
This is the first time I ransacked a place and left it cleaner than I found it.

Jennifer:
So what I was thinking was...

Vince:
I'm in.

Jennifer:
Well, I didn't even...

Vince:
I'm in. I love it. It's perfect. I'm in.

Vince:
Hey, this is my dictionary!

Truck:
No, it isn't, I bought it at a flea market.

Vince:
To Vince on the occasion of his high school graduation. I am so proud of you. Love, Mom

Truck:
Coincidence.

Jennifer:
We're holding a wedding, not a tailgate party, Vince.

Vince:
I'd hate for our fake vows at our fake wedding to not be from the heart.

Jennifer:
[opening a moving box] Be the coffeemaker! Be the coffemaker!

Vince:
I was really surprised you called me. I didn't think you liked me.

Jennifer:
I don't

Vince:
Well, I don't like you either.

Jennifer:
I'm so looking forward to our divorce.

Steve:
How is he at the horizontal hokey-pokey?

Reverend Jim:
I've been this job long enough to know when a couple is getting married for the wrong reasons. Some, they're in love with an idealized version of the person they are marrying. Others feel that they're simply too old to be single anymore. And some, well, some just want all the gifts.

Jennifer:
But it's all a lie!

Vince:
Yeah, but it's a lie that came true.