Mysteriet på Greveholm

Leif Olsson:
There's a natural explanation for everything.

The Gnome:
Yadda yadda, blah blah blah. I can't keep track of *all* details here. Just get it done!

Ivar Olsson:
[about M?ns' scooter] Have you ever gone faster than this?

M?ns, paperboy:
Yeah, once. But the wind was in my back, and I had to take a leak.

[first lines]

M?ns, paperboy:
Ghoooooooosts!

[Melitta reveals that Lillan knocked over an armor]

Astrid Olsson:
Oh, my God, that's horrible. Leif, does home insurance cover this?

Leif Olsson:
[calmly] We're not at home now.

Ivar Olsson:
[showing his palm, which is transparent] Look, Lillan. Do you know what this is?

Lillan Olsson:
'Course I do. It's ectoplasm. It's ghost mucus.

Sp?ket Staffan:
The Count wanted the Princess to marry him, but she said that he wasn't her type, and disagreed.

Ivar Olsson:
[sarcastically] The Interest Club takes a note.

[Leif Olsson has fallen off the roof and is dangling forward and back in the cable he was trying to install]

Ivar Olsson:
[commenting on the TV] Now it's good... now it's bad... now it's good... now it's bad...

Leif Olsson:
[carrying the parabole on his head] I'll be on the roof, kids. You keep things under control down here, right?

Ivar Olsson:
[saluting] Yes, Mr. Chantarelle!

Melitta Olsson:
But what if the Count makes a ghost out of you too, like he did with Jean and Staffan?

Ivar Olsson:
It's a risk I have to take.

Melitta Olsson:
[about a ghost she just saw] It was like I could see through it... like a cheese with holes in it.

Leif Olsson:
[annoyed] Yesterday, it was an armor. Today, a cheese with holes. What's it gonna be tomorrow? A toothbrush that smokes the peace pipe or a baboon that does the tango?

Melitta Olsson:
This is just like that Roxette video!

Melitta Olsson:
[after kissing M?ns] Ew! You're tongue is all gluey!

M?ns, paperboy:
[lisping] Uh, yeah, that'th what happenth when you lick two thouthand thtampth.

Melitta Olsson:
[about Dioda] How come she can't talk?

Lillan Olsson:
Well, she's been locked away for a long time, maybe she just forgot how to speak.

Ivar Olsson:
Yeah, I forget my English vocabulary in a week!

Ivar Olsson:
[thinking] I have to talk to her. But what am I going to say? "Hi, handsome, you wanna hang out and play video games." No, not that! "What's a princess like you doing in a castle like this?" No, that's not good either! I know! "Do you want to come with me and read The Phantom?" No, no, no! Why does she have to be able to read my mind? Hey, wait! If I wear the saucepan over my head, she can't hear my thoughts! That's good. [puts saucepan on his head]

[Princess Dioda walks in]

Princess Dioda:
Hi, Ivar. Why do you have that saucepan on your head?

Ivar Olsson:
[removes the saucepan and thinks to Dioda]

Princess Dioda:
What? ..."The Phantom", what's that?

Ivar Olsson:
Noo! That wasn't what I was supposed to think!

Princess Dioda:
What?

Ivar Olsson:
I was thinking I was going to think what I didn't think. So the thought that I thought was not the thought I was thinking about!

Princess Dioda:
Ivar... I have ears, too.

Ivar Olsson:
[thinking] She's so good-looking!

Princess Dioda:
You look pretty good, too, Ivar.

Ivar Olsson:
[thinking] Huh! She can read my mind! This is so embarrassing!

Princess Dioda:
I'm sorry about this, you've all been very nice to me. But I have to go home now. To the Milky Way.

Leif Olsson:
[solemnly] Yeah. What a pity we won't get to see any more of you.

Melitta Olsson:
[to Ralf] Hey... you're friend's been to the bathroom for pretty long now, maybe we should go check on him?

Astrid Olsson:
Oh, God, please don't tell me the bathroom door's lock is jammed again! Leif, go check on it!

Ralf, burglar:
No! No. I mean, he's got a very big bladder. You never know how long he'll be in there. Sometimes he has to stand there for days and nights!

Ivar Olsson:
Hey, you just said his bladder was really small. Now you're saying it's big. Make up your mind!

Ralf, burglar:
Uh... yeah! You know, that's the thing with his bladder. Sometimes it's really really big, and then - suddenly! - it's small. Yeah, his bladder is a complete mystery, you never know where you have it.