Mystery Team

Kelly:
[holding the ring] Where did you find this?

Jason:
It's a... long story.

Charlie:
No it's not. A stripper peed it into a toilet.

Duncan:
Looks like we've got a long night of cocaine ahead of us.

Jason:
We are mature and legitimate detectives.

Kelly:
What the hell is that smell?

Duncan:
I drank dog urine.

Jason:
Ah, cinnamon sticks!

Charlie:
Ah, Chinese checkers!

Duncan:
F***! Yeah, that's right. I've been saying "f***". Going in the backyard and trying it out.

Duncan:
Sorry I'm late, everybody. My science teacher says my thesis needs to prove something... but I think listing all the dinosaurs proves there was a lot of dinosaurs.

Jamie:
There's something fishy going on down at the sardine factory! I think it's fish!

Jason:
She's really something, it's just... I'm no good with girls.

Frank:
Oh, you're whipped!

[imitates whipping]

Jim:
[interrupting] Frank! Sometimes I wish you didn't beat that cancer. I really do.

Jordy:
When I was fifteen years old, when I got this job, I said to myself, "I am going to work here until the day that I kill myself."

Duncan:
Our most consistent customer has Alzheimer's!

Jason:
Mrs. Kimmel does not have Alzheimer's!

Duncan:
She bakes fifty pies a day for her dead husband. Most of the pies are filled with soap.

Duncan:
We're keeping evidence from the police, okay? We could go to jail! You know what happens in jail? No T.V.!