National Lampoon's Movie Madness

Stan Nagurski:
I didn't want to say anything, but you're boring.

Stan Nagurski:
Never stop anywhere you might have to get out the car

Stan Nagurski:
Nagurski's Law Number Four: "Never go into a music store that's been cut into with an acetyline torch."

Brent Falcone:
Oh boy... Oreos. Double cream.

Brent Falcone:
Hi, Honey. I've been shot again.

Brent Falcone:
Falcone's Law Number One: Let Nagurski do it.

Kid Drummer - 'Municipalians':
Hey man, get outta my face.

Brent Falcone:
I didn't - I didn't mean to.... Be in your face.

Brent Falcone:
How 'bout we just bop over to my place, look around the garage, I bet we could set up a set of drums just for you.

Brent Falcone:
[Kid drummer shots Falcone, leaving him staggering back to the squad car] Hey Stan, a little kid shot me.

Stan Nagurski:
Now I'm gonna give you the first of Nagurski's Laws. Never throw water on a sleeping junkie.

Stan Nagurski:
Nagurski's Law number three, always call the car a vehicle around whores, they get off on that.

Samuel Starkman:
[smashes front window from inside with a gun] Ya can't touch me coppas, I've got a lawyer.

Lawyer:
[smashes another front window with a briefcase] I'm tired of being heckeled and harrassed by the police and I intend to sue for every nickle they've got... Take my wife, please.

Junkie:
I know that guy, huh!

Lawyer:
I take my wife everywhere, but she finds her way home. I ask my wife, "what do you want to do for your anniversary?" She says "I wanna go someplace I've never been before." I said "Try the kitchen."

Brent Falcone:
Stan, what do we do?

Stan Nagurski:
You heard him, the guys got a lawyer.

Stan Nagurski:
[pulling up to the curb] How's it going girls?

Spanish Prositute - 'Municipalians':
I was stabbed in the leg by an aircraft mechanic.

Stan Nagurski:
I'm sorry.

Brent Falcone:
Nagurski, Stan Negurski. I'm Brent Falcone, your new partner.

Stan Nagurski:
My wife divorced me, then she died. I'll tell you about it sometime.

Junkie:
I've got this dog, you know, who's really messed up, because he was doing some animal tranquilizers or something like that.

Brent Falcone:
Really?

Junkie:
Yeah and when I got up, I reached over to smack my dog, see. Because when I get up... I like to smack him... I went - whack, right...

Brent Falcone:
That's... that's not nice.

Junkie:
My dog got really pissed off. And he ran in the bathroom and he put some Ajax in my syringe and f***ed me up, right. So, I may not be too high right now but, uh-huh-uh... I'm clean.

Stan Nagurski:
Flake out man, flake out. Nargusrki's law number three: Always call the car a vehicle around whores. They get off on that.

Brent Falcone:
It's your turn, Stan.

Stan Nagurski:
What?

Brent Falcone:
[Looking agitated] It's your turn.

Stan Nagurski:
My turn, I've got seniority.

Brent Falcone:
I don't give a sh*t.

Stan Nagurski:
Ow, come on.

Brent Falcone:
Get out of the car!

Stan Nagurski:
What?

Brent Falcone:
[looking extremely agitated] Get out of the f***ing car!