Ned Rifle

[first lines]

Ned Rifle:
[on one knee] Defend me, Oh God, thy humble servant, in all assaults of the enemy. That I, surely trusting in thy defense, may not feel the power the adversary. But the words in my mouth, and the meditation of heart be always, be always acceptable in thy sight. Oh Lord, my strength, and my Redeemer.

Simon Grim:
Real life experiences taught me much that perhaps I'd overlooked being a poet laureate in cultural touchstones. People want a good laugh now and then, Ned. Trust me. Good old fashion slapstick humor, naughty innuendo, a few well-placed fart jokes. Enough with the earnest reflection. The tragic but unifying elusiveness of the human spirit in modern times, and so on. I'm through with it. Only now, after all this heart-break and controversy, only now have I been able to confront my inner clown.

Susan Weber:
Decisive, committed, admittedly obscure work, indifferent to main-stream approval and unafraid of confrontation with moral and aesthetic absolutes. This, more than you might imagine, is what keeps people from jumping out windows and under trains. Adding to mass-cultural self-congratulation is, of course, its own reward I suppose. Cheap, immediate and disposal as it is... Sorry.

Simon Grim:
So you think it's okay for me to be unpopular...

Susan Weber:
Oh, I think it's necessary.

Simon Grim:
You're an unusual person.

Susan Weber:
I have few friends.

Ned Rifle:
I'm looking for a friend of mine who I think used to work here. An older guy named Henry.

Mitch:
Henry?

Ned Rifle:
Loud mouth.

Mitch:
Trouble maker?

Ned Rifle:
Drunkard.

Mitch:
Thief?

Ned Rifle:
Ego maniac.

Mitch:
Sex fiend?

Ned Rifle:
That's him.

Susan Weber:
Come on, get some sleep. [pats the bed]

Ned Rifle:
No, I have to... I have to go...

Susan Weber:
You have to go pray?

Ned Rifle:
Yeah.

Susan Weber:
You have to tell me about that one day.

Ned Rifle:
What's to tell?

Susan Weber:
How it feels to have someone listening...

Henry Fool:
The good of free will must entail real choices for sin.

Susan Weber:
They thought I was crazy because I was in love with you.

Henry Fool:
Well, they were right, I was the janitor at your junior high school.

Susan Weber:
You turned me on to Lautr?amont.

Henry Fool:
Did I?

Susan Weber:
And Verlaine, Rimbaud.

Henry Fool:
Really.

Susan Weber:
All the French symbolists. Of course I out-grew them, but they were formative.

Henry Fool:
Yeah, well, but still there are limits. I mean, there are laws even.

[last lines]

Henry Fool:
Run.

Ned Rifle:
No.