Neo Ned

Ned:
Oh, believe me, I mean wish to god I could take it back. I mean I wish I could un-f*** her...

Rachael:
You wish you could un-f*** her? You know what? If people could un-f*** people, then there world be a world full of virgins and I wouldn't have slit f***ing my wrists!

Ned:
I don't understand. Why would Hitler be reincarnated as a n*gger woman?

Ned:
It was cool. I almost got killed. Not everyone almost gets killed. The only reason why I didn't die was 'cause I had to pee. That's pretty cool.

Ned:
Well sh*t, if I can't hate the blacks, who can I hate.

Rachael:
I'm sure you'll find somebody, Ned.

Ned:
Look, just because I'm a racist doesn't mean I'm not sensitive.

Rachael:
Just so I understand, um, you're going to have a war to divide up the country, in order to keep blacks away from the whites. Then sneak across the border and meet me for coffee?

Ned:
Or a movie of something...

Rachael:
It's a date. I'll meet you on the barbed wire fence.

Rachael:
How come all your stories end up with you getting injured?

Ned:
Oh, I don't know. makes the story better, I guess.

[last lines]

Ned:
I shot a child molester. I shot him dead. I'm a hero. I'm an American hero.

Ned's Dad:
That you are. Deal him in.

Ned:
Deal me in!

Rachael:
You should really stop using the word n*gger. You know? You already showed me you can say it. And you came real close to spelling it that time, which was really nice. So if you want to talk to me, and apparently you do, don't say it to my face. Wait 'til I walk away, and then say it. Like a good white person should.

[to Rachael]

Ned:
You remember you asked me to tell you a happy story?

Rachael:
[Nods]

Ned:
This is it. Me and you. We're my happy story.