No Deposit, No Return

Duke, Jay:
[in a cab] Take off, driver. [look at each other]

Duke:
This cab is taken!

Tracy:
Yes it is, we're taking it.

Duke:
[to Carolyn] What kind of a mother are you? Spread out all over the world! You can't raise your kids long distance, or by teachers, a maid, or a grouchy grandpa!

Bert:
Or a Bert! Your kids are a real handful you know!

Carolyn:
What would you know about raising my children?

Duke:
We've just spent three whole days with your kids, when was the last time you could say the same thing?

Duke:
[to Carolyn] Your children are looking for attention and affection and they're going to get it from anybody they can, even two 'kind of' kidnappers.

Tracy:
After Honolulu, we go to Australia, and then 14 hours later we're in Hong Kong with Mother.

Jay:
It's a great plan, Tracy! If she can't come to us for our vacation then we'll go to her!

Tracy:
Yes, but there's only one little problem. How're we going to get the $1200 for two tickets?

Bert:
[hears sirens] THEY'RE HERE, IT'S THE COPS!

Duke:
It's fire engines, and they're passing by.