Norman

Norman Long:
...It's not how important one feels when one dies, but rather how guilty everybody else feels.

Norman Long:
What brings you to this exceptional institution of learning?

Emily Harris:
Well, I hear they really have good fish sticks.

Helen Black:
[awkwardly] I wanted to tell you, I think that you're very provocative. I just wanted to tell you that.

Norman Long:
Oh, uh, thanks. I like your hair.

Helen Black:
Yeah, I like your face. [walks away mortified]

Norman Long:
This is good, this is fun. This is the best date I've ever been on.

Emily Harris:
Really?

Norman Long:
Yep. I mean it's the only date I've ever been on, but...

Emily Harris:
Oh, wait, I'm your first?

Norman Long:
Yes. For me, nobody's ever really taken an interest in me before.

Emily Harris:
Oh, nothing more sexy than self-pity.

Norman Long:
Well then I suck.

Norman Long:
[speaking to school assembly] I under-estimated you guys, but to be honest, you over-estimated me.

[last lines]

Norman Long:
Hi, this is Norman. Please leave a message.