Nostradamus-kokos

Epikur:
Did you quit your cigarette addiction?

Lebdan:
Of course! I just drink six gallons of liquid nicotine a day and... All's perfect! [drinks from the bottle compulsively] I have no more urge for a cigarette.

Epikur:
And you became more ruddy in the cheeks.

Lebdan:
I gained a little weight. No big deal.

Kornelija:
Trainer, what do you think about this chicken-Nostradamus?

Epikur:
Kornelija, I am not interested in it. I am very religious, and such things are of no concern for me.

Lebdan:
[after chicken picked the bowl with the title saying "Prigorke"] She is going... She picked our bowl! That's how you have to predict, my sweet chicken! Haven't I told you that we are going to win! Give me five, man!

Kornelija:
Had the Nostradamus-chicken not predicted that we will win, I would not have even bothered playing.

Girl in "Prigorke" team:
Tomorrow we have the championship match. And the chicken will again decide who will win. [Epikur and Lebdan exchange worried looks]

Lebdan:
[after Nostradamus-chicken predicted that they will lose] What is this? My great grandfather was the biggest victim during World War I! How he sacrifised himself!

Epikur:
[Rips his shirt in anger] This is all the fault of those Illuminati! And those Masons! They foiled this! She is leading her nation into doom... That crazy chicken! Did she go mad? What is wrong with her?

[his cap falls off]

Lebdan:
It's all right, Epicurus. Calm down, my friend... Are we really going to worry ourselves... Because of a stinky, dirty chicken?

Epikur:
[calms down and starts to laugh] All that stress because of a cellulite, fat chicken?

Lebdan:
[points at the screen of the laptop showing the chicken] And look what an ugly comb she has!

Epikur:
[starts laughing even more. After a while, he becomes serious] I read that those Dominique chickens helped Ottomans to conquer us in the 15th century! They did not want to lay eggs for us, but just for them! And now we should take notice of these... Quislings! No way! Prigorke are winning nonetheless!

Lebdan:
That's right! We will win!

Epikur:
Yes!

Kornelija:
[Knocks and enters their office] And? What did the Nostradamus-chicken predict?

Epikur:
[after a short hesitation] That we will win, of course!

[His cap falls off again]

Lebdan:
We will win! With a 100 goals of difference! All the matches till the end! We will win the world cup!

Kornelija:
Can I see the video recording?

Epikur:
[closes the laptop and hides it] Nostradamus-chicken advised us not to watch TV or Internet! Those are the new rules! Do not watch anything until the match!

Lebdan:
That's right, that's right... No TV! No games, soap operas, cinema and such nonsense!

Kornelija:
But why should we train when we will win anyway? Nostradamus-chicken predicted it!

Lebdan:
Don't argue with me! That's the way it goes with prophecies! Give me all your mobile phones, all until the last one of you!

Kresimir Misak:
[Looks into the TV camera] Ever since the ancient times, various oracles existed. Places were priests were paid to announce the will of the destiny and give guidance to the people... Predictions were based on rustling leaves, sounds of wells, dreams, and in the famous Apollo's oracle, Delphi, even on the words of Pythia during trance. Most of their forecasts were, however, as realiable as the average weather forecast... Until a new phenomenon showed up: Nostradamus-chicken. That unusual feathered prophet gave predictions for 50 matches and all of them were true. At first people laughed, but today they do not laugh anymore, wondering about her unexplainable accuracy. And her owner, farmer Mohor, is wisely keeping quiet.

Zeljko Ivanovic:
[Starts singing a song while playing on the guitar] Nostradamus-chicken, Nostradamus-chicken, you are king, you decide about everything... Everything... Everything... When you choose the left bowl, Goldman Sachs is going to collapse, when you choose the right bowl, the EU and our college are lapse... Are lapse... Are lapse... You are flawless, you are king, only fools think that they can not live the way you sing... Nostradamus-chicken, you rule the Universe, Nostradamus-chicken you are the fear of uncertain ones, when you decide, CDU will disperse...

Epikur:
Shut up! Shut up, already!

Lebdan:
How dare you insult us, you dirtbag!

Epikur:
Beat it! Enough from that chicken!

Lebdan:
[Lebdan and Epikur show up on the farm] Good day.

Farmer Mohor:
Good day.

Epikur:
What kind of a farmer are you? Are you in charge here or is that Nostradamus-chicken in charge?

Farmer Mohor:
I am in charge of this farm. Nostradamus-chicken is in charge of predicting destiny.

Epikur:
Behold! What an answer! You are allowing that a chicken is the master of your life. A grown man! That chicken is not like that groundhog that predicts the end of the winter!

Farmer Mohor:
What ever Nostradamus-chicken decides, decides.

Lebdan:
What kind of a prediction was that? And where is our victory? Where is our trophy?

Kresimir Misak:
[in a TV studio] Good day. Zeljko Ivanovic is a philosopher, explorer and author of several books of unusual phenomena, therefore the right person for today's topic. Did history ever record prophetic animals? Not necessarily chickens, but also maybe elephants, donkeys, ants or grasshoppers?

Zeljko Ivanovic:
Right, right. Nostradamus-chicken is an interesting sociological-economic case, from a philosophical perspective. Maybe we should, just like Hegel, use an interdisciplinary approach in order to explain her appeal in society. Just like Paul Dirac talks about the Principles of Quantum Mechanics...

[a box falls on the floor, interrupting him]

Zeljko Ivanovic:
[continues after a pause] The principles of Quantum Mechanics, we must talk about the Principles of Quantum society. In order to explain...

Epikur:
[two further boxes fall into the screen, Epikur storms the studio] Stop! Stop the transmission! Time-out! We will not talk about that Nostradamus-chicken anymore! I am up to here with her! We have to demystify her!

Epikur:
Lebdan, do you remember when we used to watch He-Man and She-Ra? Who was stronger? Hordak or Skeletor?

Lebdan:
Skeletor is stronger. He has magic.

Epikur:
Hordak is stronger! Skeletor is a provincial Ron Paul who does not know how to get in power. Hordak, on the other hand, is ruler of a whole planet! Hordak is stronger, obviously!

Lebdan:
Skeletor does not even want to conquer a whole planet.

Kornelija:
Forget that, we are going to lose tomorrow anyway.

Epikur:
Forget you about that so-called Nostradamus-chicken! If I were not a vegetarian, I would have made chicken soup out of her a long time ago.

Kornelija:
You should have went to that farmer right from the start and forbid him to allow the chicken to predict about us. And Hordak and Skeletor are both weaker than Nostradamus-chicken!

Epikur:
Well, yeah, but we can still win, right?

Kornelija:
It is over.

Epikur:
But...

Kornelija:
It is over. Over.

Lebdan:
And have you seen that episode when He-Man once arrived and...

Epikur:
[Yells] Not-NOW-Lebdan!

[Turns towards Kornelija again, talks gently]

Epikur:
But, we can still win. We can. It can be done...

Lebdan:
[Looks at him with a frightened look]

Fister-Tos:
Girls, have you heard that the chicken predicted that will lose?

Lebdan:
Shut up! Fister-Tos!

Epikur:
How our whole year was ruined by that... That... Chicken-Judas!

Lebdan:
[drinks liquid nicotine from a bottle] Darn that nicotine and everything. Because of that stupid chicken I am full of stress! I drink 10 gallons of this a day! Yesterday I drank 10 gallons... I had to piss so I ran to the nearest public toilet. I stayed in there for, like, two hours. People knocked on my door and wanted to throw me out! But I said, folks, it takes time until you urinate all that nicotine out, but they do not understand what kind of a corroding liquid that is. When I turned away, I saw that the toilet seat melted away, there was nothing left but a hole on the floor! And then they wanted to charge me for destroying public property!