Nothing to Lose

Ann Beam:
I want a divorce. It's a physical thing. I've been experimenting with other men lately. A lot of other men... and women. I don't know. I mean, Antonio can do this thing with his tongue, and Willam's stamina is amazing. And as far as hands go, your father's hands are... You are no match.

Nick Beam:
There is an onslaught of initials coming at me.

Nick Beam:
Where do I start? It's not you. Well actually it is you. Look, I'm just not... I'm not attracted to you anymore. I need space. You kinda... you kinda gross me out. In the beginning it was different. In the beginning you were better. But then I got to know you real well, and I came to realize that you're a fat idiot.

T. Paul:
I'm a student of human nature.

Nick Beam:
You're a freak of human nature.

T. Paul:
Not bad Nick, not bad - for a cheatin' b*tch.

Nick Beam:
Hey! Don't you call her that, you don't know her, don't say that.

T. Paul:
Okay, okay, no disrespect. What should I call her? "Monogamously challenged"?

T. Paul:
Welcome to hell, B*tch. Car keys, wallet, now!

T. Paul:
You hear what I said? Okay you listen and listen good, this a gun? K? Don't be f***ing around with no gun, white boy. Helen Keller, I'm talking to you! I know you hear what the f*** I'm saying to you.

Nick Beam:
Boy did you pick the wrong guy on the wrong day.

Nick Beam:
You don't say "sorry" when you shoot somebody. You can say "sorry" when you step on someone's toe, or accidentally break their glasses, or when you fart while they're eating. YOU DON'T SAY YOU'RE SORRY WHEN YOU SHOOT SOMEONE!

T. Paul:
I never noticed before, but you really got nice eyes.

Nick Beam:
Shut up!

T. Paul:
But you do.

Nick Beam:
Let's get this over with, I can't believe I'm committing an armed robbery for two flashlights.

T. Paul:
Let me explain something to you, Nick: if you ain't got digital, you ain't got sh*t. This has only got one CCD chip. Broadcast has three, Nick!

T. Paul:
Don't look at me like that. Are you surprised I know sh*t?

Nick Beam:
The guy that sold me that camera set up our computer network.

T. Paul:
Windows NT?

Nick Beam:
No, just Windows.

T. Paul:
Man, get out of here with that sh*t.

Sheriff:
They were driving a 1996 Yukon.

Sheriff Officer #1:
License?

Sheriff:
You know, if I had a license number, Bart, I wouldn't be standing here eating large quantities of sh*t, now would I?

T. Paul:
What is beetle headed?

Nick Beam:
It's a synonym for stupid!

T. Paul:
Okay here's a synonym for procreation: f*** you! It's easy for you to point the finger when you're sitting on your rich ass in a big f***ing house!

Nick Beam:
I'm not rich.

T. Paul:
Oh yeah? How big's your TV?

Nick Beam:
What?

T. Paul:
I said how big's your TV?

Nick Beam:
50 inch!

T. Paul:
Ah get in the car.

Nick Beam:
Please, let's not make this a social issue!

Rig:
I bet you sold more girl scout cookies than any other member of the whole troop, didn't you? What were you calling yourself back then? Yelanda? You little b*tch! Cynthia? Susan? What was it, I can't remember.

Nick Beam:
Terrence?

T. Paul:
T! Okay, my friends call me T. You, can kiss my ass!

T. Paul:
We better get going.

Nick Beam:
We'll get going just as soon as you bring back that money.

T. Paul:
I'm not bullshitting! Move out!

Nick Beam:
We're not going anywhere until you return...

Nick Beam:
Here we go.

Rig:
Hey, Kareem, do you know that Charlie and I had originally intended to come up here and cap your punk ass. And your girlfriend, Nick, but sh*t, you two muffins did such a nice job with this financing, who could think about killing at a time like this?

T. Paul:
Thanks, your approval means a lot!

Rig:
You know when a sweet mouth girl like you has a fancy case like this a man gets to thinkin' ; where's a wallet? I'm gonna need that wallet, Alice. Where's that big fat wallet? Give it to me. Give me your f***ing wallet you little b*tch.

Rig:
Nick, are you aware that there are only two kinds of people on the whole planet? There are killers and then there's everybody else. I'm the killer, Nick, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, what are you, Nick?

Nick Beam:
I'm married!

T. Paul:
Ha ha, who's in control now? Hand over the bag or else my man Nick Beam here is gonna put one in your ass. Ain't that right Nick?

T. Paul:
Why can't we use the elevator?

Nick Beam:
Because there's a guard that patrols the building.

T. Paul:
This is bullshit!

T. Paul:
There's a spider on your head.

Nick Beam:
What?

T. Paul:
There's a spider on yo head.

Nick Beam:
Look, I'm sorry, I'm not up on all this jive talkin', home boy lingo, what's that supposed to mean? "There's a spider on your head"?

T. Paul:
It means there's a spider on your motherf***in' head, man!

Nick Beam:
Well get it off! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

T. Paul:
I ain't touchin' that sh*t!

T. Paul:
That mask sweaty?

Nick Beam:
I think that's the one.

T. Paul:
I hid it behind my balls. Ha ha.

English Driver:
Here, you blokes want a lift somewhere?

Charlie:
Where you from?

English Driver:
London.

Charlie:
Me too!

English Driver:
Really?

Charlie:
Yeah!

English Driver:
That's terrific! Hop in me car, let's go then. C'mon, jump in, let's go. Oh this is great.

Charlie:
Hey would ya scoot over a smidgeon?

Charlie:
Sorry 'bout that! Cheers, mate! Ha ha ha ha!

Nick Beam:
I'm actually grabbing a gun and going after bad guys.

Rig:
Nick, I like you like this. You and your prom date both having weapons. That way I don't have to kill an unarmed couple. Not my style.

T. Paul:
Hey, you ain't one of them desert slashers, are you? Cut a person's body up and leave it out in the desert in little tiny pieces and sh*t, huh? Oh sh*t! We are in the f***ing desert! I'm in a car with a psycho freaky Jason hack-killer motherf***er! Hey, please don't kill me, freaky Jason. I said, please don't kill me, freaky Jason.

T. Paul:
I done f***ed around and caught a ride with the wrong white boy!

Nick Beam:
What is Zippy?

Nick Beam:
He's a cookie man? What is that on the ground behind him?

Nick Beam:
Magical? It looks like poop. It looks like piles of poop. It looks like Zippy is walking around just... Just crapping all over the place. It looks like...

Nick Beam:
And what do you think it looks like? Zach, let's say you are about to take a bite out of a juicy chocolate chip cookie. What is the last image you want floating through your head?

Nick Beam:
Excrement, right. Listen, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, maybe we should avoid all bowel related items on this particular project. Just a hunch, huh?

Rig:
Put down that gun, you idiot.

Nick Beam:
Will you shut up? I'm shot here.

Rig:
You shut the f*** up. Who the hell do you think you are?

Nick Beam:
You shut the f*** up. Shut the f*** up.

Charlie:
YOU shut the f*** up!

T. Paul:
Hey! Hey!

Charlie:
Pu that f***ing gun down before you take a f***ing toe hit!

Nick Beam:
Shut the f*** up.

T. Paul:
Hey! Hey! HEY! Everybody shut the f*** up! Every... Body shut the f*** up!

T. Paul:
Especially you, shut the f*** up. You like girl scout cookies? Come here, come here, you want a cookie? Here's a cookie.

T. Paul:
Now back the f*** up like I done told you two dumbass mother...

T. Paul:
Get in the car, Nick. Look at you now. Bye, cowboys! Ha ha ha.

T. Paul:
You can stay at my place, man.

Nick Beam:
Thanks. Just for the night.

T. Paul:
What, did you think I was asking you to move in?

Nick Beam:
No I was just saying...

T. Paul:
Please, Mr. Beam, stay with me forever.

Nick Beam:
Just shut up.

T. Paul:
Mr. Beam.

Nick Beam:
Shut up.

T. Paul:
Mr. Beam, Mr. Beam, Mr. Beam.

Nick Beam:
Do you know how to shut up? Is it in your vocabulary? Do you ever shut up?

T. Paul:
Please stay with me forever, Mr. Beam!

T. Paul:
Let me get this straight. It's all right for you to rob a place, but it ain't all right for me?

Nick Beam:
I didn't rob him.

T. Paul:
Well, you got a funny way of *not* robbin' a motherf***er.

T. Paul:
Hey, I was present at the time of creative inspiration, which entitles me to partial ownership in this criminalistic endeavor.

Nick Beam:
How's it feel, Phillip? You had it all, but it just wasn't enough. You had to mess with me. Nobody messes with Nick Beam.

T:
So what's the problem?

Nick:
Why do you care?

T:
I'm curious. I'm a student of human nature.

Nick:
You're a freak of human nature.

T:
That's all right. I forgive you. It's clear you have woman problems.

Nick:
You're way off base.

T:
Oh, I'm off base?

Nick:
Yeah, WAY off base.

T:
She mess around on you?

Nick:
Look, even if I wanted to talk about it - which I don't - it wouldn't be with you.

T:
You give her some nastiness? I know you gave her some serious nastiness.

Nick:
Just forget it.

T:
What about him? You f*** him up? You whoop his ass? I bet you hit that motherf***er with a bat, didn't you? Kling! Bah! F***ed his ass up, didn't you? Wait a minute! You capped him! You capped that motherf***er, that's why you're out here in the desert, ain't ya?

Nick:
Look, I didn't shoot him. I didn't say anything to my wife, I just left.

T:
What you mean, you just left.

Nick:
I just left, okay, I saw them doing... you know, and I... walked away.

T:
What a p*ssy. no wonder your woman is sneaking behind your back, man. You know what your problem is, you don't have the respect of you're woman man. That's what it is. Me? I got all that. I come home, my dinner's on the table. BAM! "I don't wanna hear sh*t, woman." And when I want lovin', when I'm in the mood, I get that too.

Nick:
You're so full of sh*t! What would you have done?

T:
Man, I'd have gone back into that house, and pulled a Terminator on the front door, boom boom boom! Who the f*** you think you're playin' with woman! Who do you think I am, some fruity pie? I ain't no fruity pie, I'm... (T picks up Nick's card) I'm Nick Beam. that's what I tell you, I'm Nick Beam. And Nick Beam ain't putting up with that bullshit! She be cryin' you know, 'Oh Nick, please take me back, please, it was only one time'. I'm gonna "one time" your ass! Nick Beam is the m aster of his fate, the ruler of his destiny. So if you want to cry on someone's shoulder, why don't you cry on Super Dick! As for Nick Beam, I'm fit, lit, and I damn sure ain't takin' no sh*t. So you...can get the F***...OUT! (pauses) That's what I'd have told the b*tch. (T points the eggs with fork) That's what I told the b*tch.

(T eats the eggs with a fork). (Nick stares at him for a second and he lunges over the table and chokes him)

Nick:
That's not the point, it's beetle-headed! It's only a matter of time before you do get caught!

T:
What, is beetle-headed?

Nick:
It's a synonym for stupid.

T:
Oh, well here's a synonym for procreation: f*** you!

T:
It's easy for you to point the finger when you're sitting on your rich ass in the big f***in' house!

Nick:
I'm not rich.

T:
Oh, yeah? How big's your TV?

Nick:
What?

T:
I say, how big is your tv?

Nick:
50 inch.

T:
(laughs) Get in the car, man.

Nick:
Oh please, let's not make this a social issue. The point is, that even if you wanted to rob a place, there are smarter ways to do it.

T:
Enlighten me.

Nick:
A mask! Wear a mask! You see, the police have this thing called a line-up, and when somebody recognizes you, YOU GO TO JAIL! Or, how about this for a novel idea: case the place first? Find out if there's a security camera or a hidden alarm. Then again, why even rob a convenience store? How much money could you possibly get? Two, three hundred dollars? Then what? You're set for two days! Wow!

T:
What do you know, Lanky?

Nick:
I know you go for the big score. One robbery, you're set.

T:
You know, this is an all right camera for a regular eight.

Nick:
It's the best on the market.

T:
Let me explain something to you. If you ain't got digital, you ain't got sh*t. This has only got one CCD chip. Broadcast has three, Nick. Don't look at me like that. What, are you surprised I know sh*t?

Nick:
The guy that sold me that camera just set up our computer network.

T:
Windows NT?

Nick:
No, just Windows.

T:
Man, get out of here with that sh*t.

Nick:
Look, here's a nutty idea. If you actually know something about this stuff, why not use that knowledge and get a job?

T:
Take a good look at me. I'm not exactly the corporate colour.

Nick:
That's ridiculous. If you wanted a job, you could have one.

T:
There's a spider on your head.

Nick:
What?

T:
There's a spider on your head.

Nick:
Look, I'm sorry, I'm not up on all this jive talkin', home boy lingo, what's that supposed to mean? "There's a spider on your head"?

T:
It means there's a spider on your motherfuckin' head, man!

Nick:
Well get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

T:
I ain't touchin' that sh*t!

Nick:
So, which one of you wanted to see me?

P.B.:
Charles McGinty is coming in at 5.

Nick:
The Charles McGinty? McGinty Gregor’s Charles McGinty?

P.B.:
The very same.

Nick:
Fantastic!

P.B.:
Anyway, I’m supposed to have dinner with McGinty tonight and I’d love you to stand in for me.

Nick:
Oh no, Philip, I promised Anna…

P.B.:
Nick… Oh, Nick… You got to help me out of here. I don’t get this lucky every day.

Nick:
Look, if this is about a woman…

P.B.:
You are pal! I got to go.

[Nick's driver side mirror is shot by the owner of the convenience store wielding a shot gun. While driving, he is furious with T for getting them into a lot of trouble with the law in robbing the owner.]

Nick:
Why? Why?! WHY!!!

T:
I didn't have any money, man!

Nick:
Oh you had money.

T:
No, that $5 I gave the lady was it.

[They scream as the owner continues shooting them with his shot gun and following them in his truck.]

Nick:
Oh great, Buford's come to kill us.

[The owner continues laughing as he pursues Nick and T in his truck]

T:
Persistent hillbilly motherf***er.

Nick:
[furious] He has every right to be. You robbed him at gunpoint, you DICK!

T:
Hey, you were the one who threw the wallet out the window. Smart!

[Sees a cop car in front of them]

Nick:
GREAT!!!!

T:
News flash, Big Slim: people with big money, they protect it!

Nick:
So you do a little research. Take Quality Design Group, where I work. My boss keeps a ton of cash in his vault, and at night there's only two guards and a personal security system. In this case, I even happen to know the code! But even if I didn't, I...!

[He trails off, getting an idea.]

T:
What? I got a booger in my nose?

Nick:
(imitating P.B.) "Diversify! You can't trust banks, Nick! The entire system could crumble at any second!" That bastard's so heavily leveraged it would wipe him out.

T:
Wait, am I reading you right? Mr. High-and-Mighty's gonna rob his boss? (to the landscape) You hear that, gila monsters? Old Nick Beam here's gonna rob his boss! I say, do you hear that, gila monsters?!

[Nick raises his arms to imaginary applause.]

T:
You know what, Nick? Your wife really messed your head up bad, man.

Rig:
Are you aware there's only two kinds of people on the whole planet? There are killers, and then there's everybody else. I'm a killer, Nick! Yes, yes, yes, yes! What are you, Nick?

Nick Beam:
(racks shotgun) I'm married. (fires)

As for Nick Beam I’m lit, fit, and I ain’t damn sure takin no sh*t so you can get the f*** out