Nothing Too Good for a Cowboy

Richmond Hobson:
If Rupert's pig shows up, just tie him up in the corral.

Gloria Hobson:
What else would I do with it?

Panhandle Phillips:
Shoot it.

Gloria Hobson:
[laughing] Why on earth would I shoot Rupert's pig?

Panhandle Phillips:
Because the law discourages you from shooting Rupert.

Panhandle Phillips:
[to Rich] I thought you'd want to get home in a hurry to get started on your new erection.

[Rich looks at Pan in disbelief about Pan's statement]

Panhandle Phillips:
The addition you're building for Gloria.

[Gloria thinks she's being attacked by the hostile Nechako Indians, those people at who she is pointing a loaded rifle]

Rita George:
Hi. We're your neighbors. If this is a bad time, we can come back later.

Gloria Hobson:
You mean you're not the Nechakos?

Rita George:
Heck no.

Nelson George:
The Nechakos are grumpy as hell.

Rita George:
We're pretty cheerful.

Panhandle Phillips:
You ever heard a metaphor, son?

Tommy Aitkens:
Isn't that somewhere in Montana?

[Esther and her sister are looking at Gloria, who has just arrived]

Esther:
[to Gloria] You're in rough shape.

[as they continue to look at Gloria, they talk to each other about her in front of her]

Esther's Sister:
Look at the tension in her neck, huh!

Esther:
Circles under her eyes.

Esther's Sister:
Sallow skin.

Esther:
And the lackluster hair.

Esther's Sister:
Bad complexion.

Gloria Hobson:
It's a mosquito bite.

Esther:
[nodding in understanding] This is clearly a woman who isn't getting enough.

Richmond Pearson Hobson Jr.:
Didn't you know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach?

Gloria Hobson:
I wasn't aiming that high.

Panhandle Phillips:
Women. City underwear.

Opening Title Card:
A lot of this really happened.