Numb3rs

Charlie Eppes:
Everything is numbers.

Charlie Eppes:
Larry, something went wrong, and I don't know what, and now it's like I can't even think.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Well, let me guess: you tried to solve a problem involving human behavior, and it blew up in your face.

Charlie Eppes:
Yeah, pretty much.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Okay, well, Charles, you are a mathematician, you're always looking for the elegant solution. Human behavior is rarely, if ever, elegant. The universe is full of these odd bumps and twists. You know, perhaps you need to make your equation less elegant, more complicated; less precise, more descriptive. It's not going to be as pretty, but it might work a little bit better. Charlie, when you're working on human problems, there's going to be pain and disappointment. You gotta ask yourself, is it worth it?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You know that it's considered unsolvable?

Charlie Eppes:
Well, certainly people who have failed to solve it might think that.

Don Eppes:
Look, please don't do this.

Charlie Eppes:
Don't do what, Don? Go ahead. Go ahead and try to tell me what it is that I'm doing. You don't even know what it is I'm doing.

Don Eppes:
Actually, I do. The thing is, I don't think you do.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Okay, I'm going to go contemplate the koi pond.

Don Eppes:
Charlie, look, you helped us find these guys once before. You can do it again. Come on.

Charlie Eppes:
Why, so you can get shot again?

Don Eppes:
No, buddy, look. Understand, I appreciate you care about me, but it's not going to happen.

Charlie Eppes:
Statistically, you're dead now. You understand what that means? A man aimed a gun at your head and fired. The fact that you survived is an anomaly, and it's unlikely to be the outcome of a second such encounter.

Charlie Eppes:
Please, understand, sometimes I can't choose what I work on. I can't follow through on a line of thinking just because I want to, or, or because it's needed. I have to work on what's in my head. And right now, this is what's in my head.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You know, here's a discussion: Why is it that we remember the past and not the future?

Charlie Eppes:
That's a tough one, Larry.

Alan Eppes:
Aren't you going to introduce me to your girlfriend?

Charlie Eppes:
You've met her before, she's not my girlfriend, I'm her thesis advisor.

Alan Eppes:
Does that mean she can't be your girlfriend?

Charlie Eppes:
It's, uh, it's against the rules.

Alan Eppes:
Well, screw the rules. What's more important, learning or love? Well, I'm sure there's no rule against the father of her thesis advisor asking her out.

Charlie Eppes:
Go for it, go right ahead, be my guest.

Amita Ramanujan:
Thank you. Actually, I'm spoken for, Mr. Eppes.

Alan Eppes:
Oh, really?

Amita Ramanujan:
Back in Madras, my parents arranged for marriage to a family friend, a nice Hindu banker from Goa.

Charlie Eppes:
Really? Getting married?

Amita Ramanujan:
God, no, he's a total ass.

Alan Eppes:
Oh.

Charlie Eppes:
Dad, you're, like, hovering over us, and we have so much work to do.

Alan Eppes:
I thought you already helped your brother out on this case.

Charlie Eppes:
Something this complex needed to be checked and rechecked.

Alan Eppes:
There's one thing you and your brother have in common: On some things, you're both very thorough; other stuff, you completely miss.

Charlie Eppes:
There's something else that has to be considered.

Don Eppes:
Like what?

Charlie Eppes:
Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Heisenberg noted that the act of observation will effect the observed; in other words, when you watch something, you change it, and uh, uh, for example, an electron, you know, you can't really measure it without bumping into it in some small way. Any physical act of observation requires interaction with a form of energy, like light, and that will change the nature of the electron, its path of travel.

Don Eppes:
Hold on. You know I got, like, a C in physics, so just take me through how this relates to the case.

Charlie Eppes:
Don, you've observed the robbers. They know it. That will change their actions.

Don Eppes:
I guess I was inspired by Mr. Heisenberg, just like Charlie here suggested.

Alan Eppes:
Heisenberg? What do you mean, the physicist?

Don Eppes:
Yeah.

Alan Eppes:
Oh. Your brother goes into a dangerous confrontation with heavily armed felons, and you prepare him with a lecture on the movement of subatomic particles?

Charlie Eppes:
Yep. It worked, didn't it?

Alan Eppes:
You know, Don and Charlie, they graduated high school on the same day.

Terry Lake:
Thank you. Don's mentioned it. A few times.

Alan Eppes:
Kind of puts an edge on that sibling rivalry thing, you know.

Terry Lake:
I'm sure it does. Having a kid like Charlie had to put some unusual pressure on the family. How old was he when you first realized he was exceptional?

Alan Eppes:
He was three when he multiplied four-digit numbers in his head. By the age of four, he needed special teachers, special classes. My wife - I mean, his mother and I, we put a lot of time into his education. It was Don who was the one who had to get used to taking care of himself.

Terry Lake:
Well, he might have gotten used to it, but I'm not sure he's as good at it as he thinks he is.

Alan Eppes:
Well, it's hard for him to ask anyone for help. And it's really hard for him to ask Charlie.

Charlie Eppes:
Guy was a pompous ass.

Alan Eppes:
Yeah, yeah, sure. I need you to come to dinner... at the house, on Wednesday. I have a date.

Don Eppes:
Oh yeah? A date? Hey, well, that's good. With who?

Alan Eppes:
Well, it's someone Art knows from yoga. Yeah, her name's Jill. He says she's smart, she's funny, and, uh, quite flexible. So, I, I, eh, I, wh-, we're having dinner at the house, and I would like you to be there.

Don Eppes:
Hey, look, hey. No. Just take her somewhere low-key, you'll do fine.

Alan Eppes:
Look, it's my first date in over thirty-five years; I would like memorable instead of low-key.

Don Eppes:
Low-key and memorable aren't mutually exclusive. You know what my favorite date ever was? Pepperoni pizza at a laundromat.

Alan Eppes:
Yes, which explains the conspicuous absence of grandchildren. So, Wednesday, 7:30. Bring a date?

Charlie Eppes:
It's from someone who says she's a fan of my work on low dimensional topology. And she's a fan of my... hair.

Charlie Eppes:
You know, this isn't the first time I've received a love letter. When I published my first article in the American Journal of Mathematics I was invited to spend the weekend at a bed and breakfast in Santa Barbara.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah? Did you go?

Charlie Eppes:
Ah, I was fourteen. My mother had to break the news to a very embarrassed female professor at Berkley.

Don Eppes:
[picks up paper airplane off floor] Who made this?

Charlie Eppes:
Me. Why?

Don Eppes:
Well, wings are a little thin here, buddy.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Hey, wait, wait, let me see this.

Charlie Eppes:
Forgive me if all my years of advanced applied mathematics take issue with that assessment.

Don Eppes:
Yeah, well, you'll forgive me if all my years of high school detention say I'm right.

Don Eppes:
So what does all your behavioral science training tell you about a grown man who still lives with his mother?

Megan Reeves:
Probably about the same as two brothers still mooching meals at their dad's house three nights a week.

Amita Ramanujan:
Charlie, where did you learn all this stuff about assassination?

Charlie Eppes:
If I told you that I'd have to kill you.

Amita Ramanujan:
Okay, seriously.

Charlie Eppes:
Seriously.

Charlie Eppes:
Hey, hey, don't get all Fleinhart on me. It's just the Physics Department paper airplane contest.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Fl-Fleinhart? Since when did my last name become a predicate adjective?

Charlie Eppes:
Since your students started using it that way.

Colby Granger:
You assaulted a federal agent with a deadly weapon.

Henry Korfelt:
It was a Volkswagen.

Charlie Eppes:
Why do they want pictures of us?

Don Eppes:
Just... "Calls back" He's a famous mathematician!

Charlie Eppes:
Don't do that.

Don Eppes:
Hey, get your vogue on, Charlie.

Alan Eppes:
Checkmate.

Don Eppes:
Checkmate.

Charlie Eppes:
Oh, yeah, I see. You guys are ganging up on me, huh? You did that on purpose, that little distraction thing.

Charlie Eppes:
What are you doing here?

Don Eppes:
Hey. Well, I'm ready to party like it's 1899.

Don Eppes:
Hey, Dad. What are you doing here?

Alan Eppes:
Well, I-I like coming whenever Charlie gives one of these math-for-dummies lectures. It's the only time I actually understand what he's talking about.

Alan Eppes:
Ah, I'm just a little nervous.

Terry Lake:
Don't worry-everything looks wonderful. In fact, your son could learn a few things from you. Know where we went on our first date?

Don Eppes:
All right, all right, all right, all right.

Terry Lake:
The laundromat. Dinner was pizza.

Don Eppes:
A little professionalism...

Alan Eppes:
You don't say... How interesting.

Don Eppes:
Dad, sorry, we gotta go.

Alan Eppes:
Sure, right. Couldn't get any worse.

Don Eppes:
Listen: alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

Alan Eppes:
For who?

Security Guard:
Excuse me? What're you doing?

Charlie Eppes:
Simple experiment. It's a pendulum.

Security Guard:
Sir, you and the pendulum need to leave.

Charlie Eppes:
Okay. It drew an ellipse.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
In twenty years of teaching, I have never received evaluation comments like these. Boring - me! Intellectually, uh, inaccessible.

Charlie Eppes:
I thought we came up on this hike to get your mind off this ridiculous thing.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I mean, one-one student even said I'm out of touch in cutting-edge thinking in multidimensional theory. That one alone kept me up at night.

Charlie Eppes:
Everybody gets bad evaluations now and then, come on.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, yeah, says the professor who never received less than a rave.

Charlie Eppes:
As with any large group, there are responses that cover the entire spectrum. I once had a girl in my combinatorics seminar tell me that I was disorganized and I taught too fast.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
That's an accurate observation, actually.

Alan Eppes:
Old man?

Charlie Eppes:
I use it strictly as a term of endearment, Father.

Alan Eppes:
Well, get ready, my little boy, 'cause this old man is gonna kick your ass.

Charlie Eppes:
What are ya gonna do? You gonna cheat again?

Alan Eppes:
I'm getting the Scrabble board.

[Alan walks away and Charlie has a terrified look on his face]

Charlie Eppes:
Uh. uh... Th... Scrabble's missing a piece!

[Charlie and Alan are golfing and Charlie tries to hit the ball, but misses]

Alan Eppes:
That was better.

Charlie Eppes:
What?

Alan Eppes:
It was! You almost hit the ball.

Charlie Eppes:
You know, I'm the king at basketball, I-I-I can snowboard, I'm the best at video games, I'm even getting over my fear of rock climbing. But I still, I can't hit this little white ball.

[Charlie connects the computer game Minesweeper to the bank robberies]

Charlie Eppes:
You see this game, Larry? You've got to clear the mines without blowing any up. Each time you clear a square, a numerical value is revealed. That number tells you exactly how many squares containing mines are directly adjacent to that square. This allows you to predict where the next mine will be located and then the more boxes revealed the more accurately one can predict the location of the mines. The pattern used in these bank robberies is similar to this kind of problem-solving pattern. These robbers have used the banks they've been robbing to tell them which ones to rob next.

[repeated line]

Don Eppes:
Three, two, one; execute!

Charlie Eppes:
When we're working together, we talk and we laugh, and there's? an energy. And I don't understand why that doesn't work outside the office. Why don't we have anything else to talk about?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You know, you're making an underlying assumption here that I question.

Charlie Eppes:
What's that?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
That there's something else you have to talk about. See, when you see two people unable to talk about politics or movies...

Charlie Eppes:
Hey, movies, I - I can - I can talk about - I just saw the penguin movie.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I see two extraordinary minds that can communicate on the purest level a man and woman can interface on. [pauses to think] Okay, second purest.

Charlie Eppes:
Geek love.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Hey, no better kind.

Colby Granger:
Colonel in Special Ops said he was the bastard son of Clint Eastwood and Yoda.

Charlie Eppes:
[Larry has been waxing philosophical] Is that the kind of stuff you talk about with Megan at lunch?

Don Eppes:
[Don and Dad are surprised; Larry looks at Charlie, who grins mischievously] Wait, ho-ho-hold on. You and Megan went out to lunch?

Alan Eppes:
Oh, please tell me you ordered something other than white food. [the Eppes men laugh]

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[trying to maintain some dignity] This was a meal shared by two inquisitive minds in an intellectual pursuit.

Charlie Eppes:
[grinning bigger] Of course it was, like all your lunches with David. Oh, and with Colby.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[matter-of-factly] A gamma ray burst will release more energy in ten seconds than the sun will emit in its entire ten-billion-year lifespan.

Don Eppes:
I got it, what's the Hulk's real name?

Charlie Eppes:
Um, Bruce Banner.

Don Eppes:
That's right. I mean, didn't gamma rays turn him into the Hulk?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[still matter-of-factly] They come from the furthest ends of the universe, and after 45 years, we're still uncertain of their origin. [turns to leave]

Alan Eppes:
And?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[pointedly matter-of-fact] And we're closer to an answer on *that* than the three of you are ever going to get on *this*. [smirks slightly, and closes the door behind him]

Charlie Eppes:
Don't call me Chuck.

Don Eppes:
What if I called you 'chuckie'?

Charlie Eppes:
What if I called you 'Donald'?

Don Eppes:
What if I called you 'nerd'?

Don Eppes:
So, about your dream?

Charlie Eppes:
Dad got shot. It was during a holdup, at the deli. It was... pretty upsetting.

Don Eppes:
Yeah, I'm sure...

Charlie Eppes:
And... mom made pancakes.

Don Eppes:
[pauses] Pancakes?

Charlie Eppes:
[shrugs] I don't even dream normal...

Don Eppes:
Whatever God is... I'm pretty sure it's in how we're there for each other.

Charlie Eppes:
Larry, man, I... I play this game a lot.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Hey, I'm no stranger to the student union. Come on, my physics versus your geometry.

Colby Granger:
[David asks Colby to climb up the trellis] Yeah. Colby, go down the elevator shaft. Colby, jump in the bay. Hey, Colby, climb the Sixth Street Bridge.

David Sinclair:
I went out on the bridge with you, okay?

Charlie Eppes:
She dumped you?

Don Eppes:
Shutup!

Colby Granger:
a=b=c=d. It's like one of Charlies's equations. [pause] Can't believe I just said that.

Driving Instructor:
Okay, here's the scenario. You just witnessed an armed robbery, multiple shots fired. Ready, go.

Charlie Eppes:
[checking seatbelt, adjusting mirror] Um, let me just make sure, um... okay, okay...

Driving Instructor:
What are you doing, Eppes? This isn't driver's ed. You're in pursuit!

Charlie Eppes:
[floors the accelerator] Okay.

Driving Instructor:
Your siren, Agent Eppes. You forgot your siren.

Charlie Eppes:
So, that's right, uh... where is that? [turns on siren]

Driving Instructor:
[Charlie drives erratically, crashing into orange cones and other items] You just killed a mailbox. Keep your eyes on the road. Radio. You need to call in your pursuit.

Charlie Eppes:
[into radio] Good morning. This is Charles Eppes. I'm in pursuit of a burgundy-ish, sort of, merlot colored. [to driving instructor] What kind of car would you say that is?

Driving Instructor:
It's a Ford.

Charlie Eppes:
Really doesn't look like a Ford. [into radio] Anyway, a Ford.

Driving Instructor:
Look out!

[Charlie slams on the brakes and crashes into cardboard "pedestrians"]

Megan Reeves:
[Opening door of car] Hey, Speed Racer! [to instructor] Can I borrow him for a minute.

Driving Instructor:
Take the afternoon.

Roy McGill:
All I'm saying is take the points. Hit the over.

Charlie Eppes:
Marshall, do whatever you like. Just you remember Amita's a sharp mathematician, so no matter how hard you try you'll never get her to believe that this [spaces his fingers an inch] is six inches.

Marshall Penfield:
I bet with you that subject's never come up.

Colby Granger:
[to David] Ooh, math fight.

Charlie Eppes:
Some people drink, some gamble - I analyze data.

Charlie Eppes:
Looks like diagnostic equpiment. Serious computing power.

Colby Granger:
So what do you think, more UFO hunters?

Charlie Eppes:
No, no, no. This is - this is, like, special equipment. It's very sophisticated and expensive.

Colby Granger:
Designed to do what?

Charlie Eppes:
I don't know. Something complex. [pause] Hey, this is - this is some sort of viscous material here.

Colby Granger:
Charlie, yeah, actually, I think that's part of a guy.

Amita Ramanujan:
[Wondering if the victims were killed by a directed energy weapon] Makes more sense than ETs or ghosts.

Floyd Mayborne:
The Pentagon has no contract with aliens or with afterlife entities. [pause] That I'm aware of. [pause] At this time.

Don Eppes:
Alright, look, short of getting access to the "X-Files", we're not going on any alien death-ray theories. Period.

Colby Granger:
Guys, we processed the photos and the videos from these witnesses at Goathart. It's nothing Pulitzer Prize-winning, but it's something. [a video plays of a blue flash of light]

David Sinclair:
What the hell was that? Let me see it again. [slower playback reveals the light is concentrated in a glowing blue sphere of energy]

Nikki Betancourt:
[to Don] You were saying, Agent Mulder?

Charlie Eppes:
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Colby Granger:
Uhhh... no.

Colby Granger:
[Colby and David walk into a neighborhood being run by a criminal and everyone promptly goes into their homes] Everybody knows our name, but nobody's glad we came.

Charlie Eppes:
Why do I let Marshall get to me?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
He's a rival. Look, everybody has one, and frankly who they are says a lot about who you are.

Charlie Eppes:
Yeah, what does Marshall hating me say about me?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
He doesn't hate you. What is the word Amita uses?

Charlie Eppes:
Frienemy.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
There you go. Colleagues as well as rivals. I think you just remind each other of a time in your careers when you were both less secure in your reputations.

Charlie Eppes:
What about you? Who sets you off?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Alan McNabb. Guy in my car club. He absolutely covets my Ford Roadster, yet he always says the leather is not restored to 1931 period standard, the color is all wrong, he is just one jealous bastard!

Charlie Eppes:
It sounds like they created a classic game theory scenario doesn't it?

Marshall Penfield:
[Smiles] Yes it does, 'Johnny von Neumann', the old three man gunfight.

Colby Granger:
A mathematical gunfight huh?

Marshall Penfield:
Imagine a duel between three people. Now I'm the worst shot. I hit the target once every three tries.

[Indicates Charlie]

Marshall Penfield:
One of my opponents is better. Hits it twice every three shots.

[Indicates Colby]

Marshall Penfield:
The third guy is a dead shot. He never misses. Now each gets one shot. As the worst, I go first. Then Charlie, then Colby. Who do I aim for, for my one shot?

Colby Granger:
I guess me cause I'm the biggest danger right?

Marshall Penfield:
[Makes a gun shooting motion toward Charlie] I shoot Eppsey first, but not for the obvious reasons. Chances are two to one I'm going to miss.

Charlie Eppes:
And now it's my turn. Logic says I shoot Colby.

[Makes shooting motion toward Granger]

Colby Granger:
Right, cause if I'm still standing I'm gonna shoot you and I don't miss.

Charlie Eppes:
Exactly.

Marshall Penfield:
As the worst, I use the two better shooters against each other

Don Eppes:
[Ross is drawing Charlie and Don in a back-to-back action-hero pose] You think someone actually might publish this?

Ross Moore:
An FBI agent who solves crimes with the help of his mathematician brother? It's great!

Don Eppes:
Aw, nobody would believe it.

Charlie Eppes:
[discussing Comic Books] Galactus? That's the guy who ate planets!

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, but he was stellar Darwinism. He was necessary to the survival of the universe.

Charlie Eppes:
What?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
He was the third four, along with eternity and death.

Charlie Eppes:
Larry, he wanted to eat the earth.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
But he didn't!

Charlie Eppes:
[reading the proof for Vanity Fair] His brother Don, a special agent in the Los Angelies office of the FBI believes Charles Epps has recently conquered the greatest challenge of friendship. 'Charlie and I has our issues growing up... '

Don Eppes:
Yeh, to say the least.

Charlie Eppes:
'... but if there is anything stronger than the bond between brothers its the bond between brothers who have become friends. Charlie's my friend'.

Colby Granger:
I seem like a roast beef kind of guy to you?

David Sinclair:
I won't discuss another man's meat.

Megan Reeves:
Twenty minutes ago I was on the couch, watching "Blazing Saddles" in my pajamas. This better be good.

Charlie Eppes:
It's better than good.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
The red cowgirl PJs?

Russell Lazlo:
[about the cake problem] What's the matter with you mathematicians? Cake is never a problem.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
This degree of traumatic experience would disturb even the most stable of Homo sapiens. This is not even taking into account the double x chromosome situation.

Charlie Eppes:
Situation?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, you know women have two x chromosomes, men have an x and a so-called y. But I think if you examine it closely as I have, you'll find that the y is just an x with a piece missing.

Charlie Eppes:
Signifying what?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Well, since I'm missing that very piece, I may not be qualified to answer that, but I think it has something to do with you know they're just more sensitive.

Charlie Eppes:
Or that they can bear children?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Eh yeah, well that too.

[Charlie points to picture of suspect]

Charlie Eppes:
Infinity. Same guy.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Aristotle said that infinity was the lack of limitations. Which I suppose could be a definition of evil.

Don Eppes:
What's the deal? There are more people here in the middle of the night than at ten in the morning. It's like the FBI.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Curiosity. Not good for cats, great for scientists.

Charlie Eppes:
I need the fastest way to the computer lab.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I know a shortcut through Metallurgy.

[Larry is tapping on a drum, as Charlie barges into his office]

Charlie Eppes:
Why are you doing that right now?

Larry Fleinhardt:
Did you know that primitive societies believed in using percussion as a means of communicating with the dead?

Charlie Eppes:
Are you drumming for someone in particular?

Larry Fleinhardt:
Yes, I'm drumming for the corpse of my inspiration.

Charlie Eppes:
And banging bongos worked for Richard Feynman, so...

Larry Fleinhardt:
Feynman delighted in making music. I never percuss for pleasure.

Charlie Eppes:
I'll be home later for dinner.

Alan Eppes:
OK... I'm goin' out for dinner.

Megan Reeves:
So go over the schedule with me one more time?

Larry Fleinhardt:
Okay, dinner and a movie every other Friday, lunch on Thursdays, now Wednesdays...?

Megan Reeves:
And I get a wildcard once a month.

Larry Fleinhardt:
That's it, that's it, to use at your own discretion.

Megan Reeves:
And what do we call this?

Larry Fleinhardt:
Oh, how 'bout structured complexity?

Megan Reeves:
You know, I'm thinking of using my wildcard.

Larry Fleinhardt:
Oh yeah?

Megan Reeves:
Yeah. Maybe for breakfast tomorrow.

Charlie Eppes:
What kind of crazy Kool-Aid do they make you drink when you join the Physics Department? [Asked when Larry defends research into Simon Kraft's psychic abilities]

Charlie Eppes:
I'm not as helpless as people think I am.

Alan Eppes:
We?

Charlie Eppes:
Amita and I. We're driving down together.

Alan Eppes:
Oh. A romantic weekend away together.

Charlie Eppes:
Well, we will be driving through wine country.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
You could move in with me but I don't live anywhere.

Erika Hellman:
Family is our anchor to life. Without it, we are adrift.

Det. Gary Walker:
[Don and Walker are driving down an alley after a suspect] Hey Eppes, you ever play Polo?

Don Eppes:
All right, here we go! Giddyap!

[steps on the gas]

Don Eppes:
[Walker opens the car door so it slams against the bad guy as they drive past, they get out to cuff him] Well, that's your sport, Gary! The boy's out cold!

Det. Gary Walker:
That's what I like about the new generation, they got an answer for everything.

Don Eppes:
I don't have an answer for dating a co-worker though.

Det. Gary Walker:
[looks through break room window at Megan, David, and Colby] Reeves? You and Reeves?

Don Eppes:
No no no, you didn't know I was dating Liz Warner?

Det. Gary Walker:
[raises eyebrows] Ooh ho ho!

David Sinclair:
[David and Colby had been chewed out by Don for screwing up earlier, now talking to the son of another suspect] Well how about you tell him to come outside anyway?

[Suspect's son shoves him, David throws him up against the car]

David Sinclair:
[Colby helps David throw the guy onto the car, brings around his arm to cuff him] Who says we're out of sync?

Alan Eppes:
[a pumpkin falls in the background and shatters on the ground like glass, startling Alan] What the hell was that?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
A Cal Sci Tradition. Every Halloween the students drop pumpkins from the highest point on campus.

Alan Eppes:
From the roof of the library? [Another pumpkins shatters]

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, the tradition further holds that the pumpkins be dipped in liquid nitrogen to intensify the explosion.

Alan Eppes:
Well in that case, I'm starting a new tradition: The frightened student dash. [Runs down the stairs as another pumpkin drops]

Charlie Eppes:
[Charlie walks in to his office to find his dad and Larry pulling pumpkins out of a liquid nitrogen bath] Oh no, please don't tell me you're encouraging this.

Alan Eppes:
Now, don't blame Larry. This was my idea.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah, your father though it would help him connect to the younger students.

Charlie Eppes:
Well then, what's your excuse?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
I just like watching things explode.

Amita Ramanujan:
[Amita almost bumps into Larry headed out with a frozen pumpkin] Whoa. What's all that about?

Charlie Eppes:
The two great adult influences in my life are heading off to blow up pumpkins.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
The human spirit is immeasurable

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
What is that old saying: "Applied physicists are from Venus, theoretical physicists..."

Charlie Eppes:
"... wonder why it rotates in the opposite direction."

Alan Eppes:
I hear Robin's back in town.

Don Eppes:
Yeah, I'm really happy she's back.

Alan Eppes:
Did you tell her that?

Don Eppes:
Not yet, not in words, no.

Alan Eppes:
You know, it's guys like you that make Beyonce sing that "Single Ladies" song.

Megan Reeves:
Well, I didn't run away from home at 16, but I didn't walk either. And unlike Crystal, I can live with most of my decisions. [She stops and looks at Larry, concerned] Does that make you uncomfortable?

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[Shaking his head] I'm a man who lives in hotel rooms, and sleeps on couches. [pauses] Does that make *you* uncomfortable?

Megan Reeves:
[Smiling] Noooo, I find it oddly attractive.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[Smiling, obviously pleased with this] You *constantly* put me in mind of the 157 Nebula, with these endless layers upon layers of complexities.

Megan Reeves:
[Smiling] You know, I don't think I will ever get tired of being compared to the 157 Nebula.

Alan Eppes:
Larry, I'm going to give you the same advice I've given to all the geniuses I know.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Which is?

Alan Eppes:
Don't be an idiot.

Alan Eppes:
Listen, Charlie, when you're dealing with the Government... it doesn't hurt to have more than just the *facts* on your side.

Don Eppes:
[Don walks into the coffeeroom while Charlie is drinking a pink liquid] Hey, what yah got there? A smoothie?

Charlie Eppes:
Pepto-Bismol!

Alan Eppes:
[Quoting poem by Siegfried Sassoon] "Light many lamps and gather round his bed/Lend him your eyes, warm blood, and will to live... But death replied: 'I choose him.' So he went/And there was silence in the summer night/Silence and safety; and the veils of sleep/Then, far away, the thudding of the guns."

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
[about Charlie] To graduate Princeton at 16, I mean I thought I was good, but it took me to the more normal age of 19!

Alan Eppes:
Hey listen, I want to ask you guy something. Um, it's her birthday coming up and I want to get her a gift. Something, I dunno. I just don't know what.

Don Eppes:
It's just a question of what you want to say.

Alan Eppes:
Well how about, happy birthday?

Charlie Eppes:
You know, two mathematicians from University College of London actually recently addressed this, this very same question.

Alan Eppes:
Mathematicians? English mathematicians?

Charlie Eppes:
They used game theory to analyze the best characteristics of a courtship gift.

Don Eppes:
Well, no offence Charlie, but it sounds like two math geeks who don't date much.

Charlie Eppes:
I do take offence.

Tim Hamer:
[Frantically trying to summon help as the cargo train he and Cutty are driving is about to crash] Desert Pacific Rail, do you read me? Over!

Cutty Nagim:
We're not gonna make it! [Slams on the emergency brake; it does not work] I can't get it stopped!

Tim Hamer:
Dispatch! This is Desert Pacific Rail! Dispatch, do you read me?

Cutty Nagim:
Jump, Tim!

Tim Hamer:
[Makes one last attempt] DISPATCH!

Cutty Nagim:
TIM, JUMP! [Tim jumps off the moving train, while Cutty stays behind the wheel as it crashes]

Roman Markovius:
I just bought a sizable stake in rail transport. It's my business now, why would I harm it?

Don Eppes:
Well, one reason is you'd bring prices down. You could snatch up inventory.

Roman Markovius:
You think like a criminal.

Don Eppes:
That's how I catch them

Charlie Eppes:
Lady luck, chance, randomness... Human beings, truly, have a hard time understanding it. Raindrops fall randomly. Now which of these two images best represents raindrops falling on a sidewalk? Is it image A? [grouped pattern] Image B? [even pattern - the class chooses this one] Okay. You're wrong. Our brains misperceive evenness as random, and wrongly assume that groupings are deliberate. Because of this people make all sorts of irrational decisions. Like, they won't work in a high rise building, or they're afraid to live in an earthquake prone area. And yet mathematical assessment tells us that you are far more likely to suffocate in bed than you are to you are to die in a terrorist attack. You are ten times more likely to die from alcohol than from being in an earthquake. And it is three times more likely that you will be killed while driving to buy a lottery ticket than it is that you will win the lottery.

Charlie Eppes:
You know who else doesn't like to talk about their love life?

Don Eppes:
Your boy Larry.

Charlie Eppes:
What do you know?

Don Eppes:
That Megan thinks he's *beautiful*.

Charlie Eppes:
[Mouths silently] beautiful?

Charlie Eppes:
Thank you for getting on this so fast.

Amita Ramanujan:
Hey, I don't want to be shot or struck by a brick while driving any more than the next person.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Yeah. I guess there's nothing to be done about meteors. Well not just yet.

Charlie Eppes:
No Larry. Not even the FBI can stop meteors.

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Well not yet, but someday when we have plasma cannons, steam rockets...

Colby Granger:
[about Charlie's math] Just nod your head and wait for the punch line.

David Sinclair:
[about criminals] Why do they always run?

Colby Granger:
'Cause we wear suits, man. You always figure you can outrun a guy in a suit.

Megan Reeves:
Hi handsome!

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Hey, what are you doing here? Oh I'm sorry, is it wenesday already or i missed our lunch? Forgive me.

Megan Reeves:
It's monday!

Dr. Larry Fleinhardt:
Oh, all right. Ok see you later.

Megan Reeves:
Hey, I just wanna have a conversation.