Nutty Professor

Professor Julius Kelp:
Well, just don't do something, sit there!

Buddy Love:
Hiya, chicky baby. How's it going?

Stella Purdy:
Fine.

Buddy Love:
Crazy. I thought I'd visit your little land of learning. Cute. Cute pad.

Stella Purdy:
What happened to you last night? What'd you run away like that for? I thought you saw a ghost or something.

Buddy Love:
Oh yeah. How 'bout that? Well, that's why I stopped by. I thought I'd lay it on ya, but this ain't the place to talk. What do you say we meet later at the Purple Pit? We can talk better there.

Stella Purdy:
Well, I dunno. You're pretty weird, you know, and I don't want -

Buddy Love:
Chi-chi. Ten o' clock?

Stella Purdy:
Perfect.

Buddy Love:
Figures.

Buddy Love:
I know what you're thinking: Where's he been all my life? Right?

Stella Purdy:
No, not exactly.

Buddy Love:
And that you're happy with the way I handled those three goons, right? Well, normally I would've belted them, but I didn't want to muss myself all up and have you dance with a sloppy guy. Dig?

Stella Purdy:
Well then, you restrained yourself just for little old me.

Buddy Love:
I knew you'd appreciate it. I do a lot of nice things.

Stella Purdy:
Well, is that really the case or is this line 27-a for young college girls?

Buddy Love:
Aww, you see? You went and done it. For one of the rare moments in my life when I dig deep into the soul, and you doubt my veracity.

Stella Purdy:
Well, it's not your veracity that I doubt. The music stopped.

Buddy Love:
Yeah, I heard.

Buddy Love:
They're all nice kids. All nice. All nice kids. They have very, very good taste, I might add.

Stella Purdy:
I'm glad. It would be a shame to waste the genius of yours on the riff-raff.

Buddy Love:
Well, honey, I always say, if you're good and you know it, why waste time beating around the bush, true?

Stella Purdy:
And I always say that to love yourself is the beginning of a life-long romance. And after watching you, I know that you and you will be very happy together.

Buddy Love:
Just a minute, sweetheart. I don't recall dismissing you.

Stella Purdy:
You rude, discourteous egomaniac!

Buddy Love:
You're crazy about me, right? And I can understand it. Only this morning, looking in the mirror before shaving, I enjoyed seeing what I saw so much I couldn't tear myself away. Have some, baby?

Purple Pit Bartender:
What'll it be?

Buddy Love:
Aww... That's no way to talk. Tsk, tsk, tsk. "What'll it be?' That's no way to treat a customer. C'mere. Try it like this. Pay attention. You'll feel better and the customers'll be happier. Try this: "What'll it be? Hmmm?' Try that. Come on. We haven't got all night. Try it.

Purple Pit Bartender:
What'll it be? Hmmm?

Buddy Love:
Good! That was wonderful. Did anyone ever tell you you couldn't sing?

Buddy Love:
Have some, baby?

Buddy Love:
Here y'are, baby. Take this, wipe the lipstick off, slide over here next to me, and let's get started.

Gym Attendant:
Are you hurt?

Professor Julius Kelp:
Well, if a man with an ulcer and a splinter in his finger and a nail in his foot was then struck by lightning, if you could say that man was not hurt then yes you could say I'm not hurt.