On the Road with Judas

[first lines]

Judas - Real:
And my hair feels f***in' good today. Schtups! I F***in' love this feeling!

JJ Lask:
What feeling?

Judas - Real:
That feeling. That crazy f***in' feel?

JJ Lask:
Yeah, yeah. I don't like that feeling. You just need to relax.

Judas - Real:
I don't need to relax. I *am* relaxed. I love this feeling.

Judas - Real:
If Jesus had a nice pair of shoes and a good haircut, he'd never been crucified.

JJ Lask:
[reading] Some men are born great, with wealth, propensity, and power. Some men, like me, wrestle greatness to the ground, kicking their typewriters, stomp on their computers, and spill blood all over their notepads and journals, until the sentence is perfect.

Waitress:
What are you writing?

JJ Lask:
A book.

Waitress:
Ah, a writer.

JJ Lask:
This is actually going to be made into a movie.

Waitress:
The movie is never as good as the book.

JJ Lask:
Even the toilet paper is stolen. It just feels better.

JJ Lask:
You ever pretend that you're someone else?

Serra - Real:
No.

JJ Lask:
And you sort of... the other, but the other you is a better you.

Serra - Real:
Right.

JJ Lask:
Cuz there's a better me running around in my head.

Serra - Real:
Right. Well I hope the better you can write better than you.

Grif:
How many Pac-Men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Tom:
How many?

Grif:
None, because Pac-Man was built using solid-state circuitry and TTL logic. And when you add that together it's all wired up to a standard arcade display. And then the image seen on the screen is just, you know, a pulsing of the on and off shift in the patterns. And when this pattern changes it creates a shift in voltage. And when they amplify this shift, it produces light.

Judas - Real:
I could pick you up in a half hour.

Serra - Real:
I thought you said you're an hour and a half away.

Judas - Real:
I have a Porsche.

Serra - Real:
Do you know that asparagus makes your urine stink.

Judas - Real:
Yeah, that's really smelly, I know.

Serra - Real:
So, get ready.

Judas - Real:
Yeah, well I don't have any plans on smelling your urine tonight. Just to be totally honest.

JJ Lask:
Just the way fire feeds off of oxygen, you know, love is fueled by truth.

JJ Lask:
It's kind of like a steering wheel where, you now, are you pulling it down, or are you pushing up? It's kind of, you're doing both at the same time. And so that's what life is. It's a push-pull.

Serra - Real:
I love the fact that nothing happens in this book. [giggles] There's no plot.

JJ Lask:
In life you don't get the girl. Lying is easier than the truth. That's why I write! To live in this fantasy. That book is all I have. Cuz it's real difficult in life to get things the way you want them. When I'm writing it's easy. But there's a fly in the ointment. I have no... talent.

[last lines]

Rubin Parker Jr:
Have you achieved what you set out to do in this exercise?

JJ Lask:
Right. Yeah. [chuckles] It's not an exercise. It's not anything. It's an illusion. Okay? And I, I, I...

Rubin Parker Jr:
This whole thing has been an illusion?

JJ Lask:
Yeah. And I want it to be over now, frankly. I've had enough of it. I mean, you don't exist, you're an illusion! This is fantasy. I made it up. I invented all this, okay? Stop it, just stop! Stop - right - now. [screen to black]