One, Two, Three

C.R. MacNamara:
On Sunday, August 13th, 1961, the eyes of America were on the nation's capital, where Roger Maris was hitting home runs #44 and 45 against the Senators. On that same day, without any warning, the East German Communists sealed off the border between East and West Berlin. I only mention this to show the kind of people we're dealing with - REAL SHIFTY!

Phyllis MacNamara:
Atlanta!

C.R. MacNamara:
Yeah, I'm the new vice president in charge of bottle caps. They're kicking me upstairs.

Phyllis MacNamara:
That's something I've always wanted to do myself.

Otto:
I will not have my son grow up to be a capitalist.

Scarlet:
When he's 18 he can make his mind up whether he wants to be a capitalist or a rich communist.

Scarlet:
Countess? That means everybody has to curtsy to me, except maybe Grace Kelly.

Peripetchikoff:
Is old Russian proverb: "go west young man."

C.R. MacNamara:
Just between us, Schlemmer, what did you do during the war?

Schlemmer:
I was in der Untergrund: the underground.

C.R. MacNamara:
Resistance fighter?

Schlemmer:
No, motorman. In the underground, you know, the subway.

C.R. MacNamara:
Of course you were anti-Nazi and you never liked Adolf.

Schlemmer:
Adolf who?

Schlemmer:
Herr Oberleutnant!

C.R. MacNamara:
You two know each other?

Schlemmer:
He was my commanding officer.

C.R. MacNamara:
In the subway?

Schlemmer:
No, after that, when I was drafted.

C.R. MacNamara:
Aha! Gestapo!

Schlemmer:
No, no, SS.

Peripetchikoff:
Well, Comrades, what are we going to do? He's got it - we want it. Are we going to accept this blackmailing capitalist's deal?

Mishkin:
Let's take a vote.

Peripetchikoff:
I vote yes.

Mishkin:
I vote yes.

Peripetchikoff:
Two out of three. Deal is on!

Borodenko:
Comrades, before you get in trouble, I must warn you, I am not really from Soft Drink Secretariat. I am undercover agent assigned to watch you.

Mishkin:
In that case I vote no. Deal is off.

Borodenko:
But I vote yes!

Peripetchikoff:
Two out of three again! Deal is on!

Otto Ludwig Piffl:
Is everybody in this world corrupt?

Peripetchikoff:
I don't know everybody.

C.R. MacNamara:
Any world that can produce the Taj Mahal, William Shakespeare, and striped toothpaste can't be all bad.

C.R. MacNamara:
Ten minutes early! That's a hell of a way to run an airline! Planes are supposed to be late, not early!

Otto Ludwig Piffl:
It shouldn't happen to a dog! Uh, I - I mean, it's a draw! Actually, the situation is hopeless, but not serious.

C.R. MacNamara:
Schlemmer you're back in the SS, small salary!

C.R. MacNamara:
It's that damned German efficiency.

C.R. MacNamara:
Cigarette? Cigar?

Peripetchikoff:
Here, take one of these.

C.R. Macnamara:
Thanks. Hm, 'Made in Havana'.

Peripetchikoff:
We have trade agreement with Cuba. They send us cigars, we send them rockets.

C.R. Macnamara:
Good thinking.

C.R. MacNamara:
You know something? You guys got cheated. This is a pretty crummy cigar.

Peripetchikoff:
Do not worry. We send them pretty crummy rockets.

Peripetchikoff:
We have emergency meeting with Swiss Trade Delegation. They send us twenty car-loads of cheese. Totally unacceptable... full of holes.

Otto:
They have assigned us a magnificent apartment. Just a short walk from the bathroom.

C.R. MacNamara:
Are you out of your seventeen year old mind? Russia is to get out of, not to get into!