Open Season

Elliot:
[Singing to the tune of "The Teddy Bear's Picnic"] Once there was a magical elf who lived in a rainbow tree/He lived downstairs from a flatulent dwarf who constantly had to pee/One day, the elf could take no more/So he went to bang on the rude dwarf's door/And what do you know, they suddenly both were married.

Elliot:
[About the coffee he found in a dumpster] Yuck. Yuck! It's terrible and wonderful at the same time! It's like freedom in a cup!

Elliot:
[Wearing a gumball dispenser on his head] I come in peace.

Boog:
[Eating animal crackers while in the backseat of Gordy's truck and after singing his own version of "Teddy Bear's Picnic"] If you go out into the woods today there's gonna be some... FRIES. Yeah. And the giraffes taste almost exactly like the elephants. But that's messed up.

Boog:
[Stumbles into his garage and sees Dinkleman staring from his bed] What are you lookin' at? I told you not to wait up![does a tired growl]

Boog:
The Woo-Hoo bar. She's my lady. Smooth and creamy. So bad I shouldn't. Yet I will.

Shaw:
[To the tune of Teddy Bears Picnic] If you go out the woods today, you sure had a big surprise/If you go out the woods today, you better going disguise!/[Boog scares and whimpers] Cause at you bear, that will be real was?/ Was really...[Boog knocks the wall]...better to gather because..../[Boogs stepped slowed]Today is the day then teddy bears haven't they're...[Boog scares at the camrea]pic...NIC!

One Fur All & All Fur One.

The Season Is Changing.

Boyz 'N The Wood.

The Odd Are About To Get Even.

From Mild To Wild.

McSquizzy:
[When Boog goes over to his tree and hits him with an acorn] Oy! You late for Sunday school? This is McSquizzy's turf! Nobody messes with McSquizzy! 'Cause that's me!

Boog:
What?

McSquizzy:
Touch a needle on this tree, and I'll give ya such a doin'!

Boog:
Yeah, you and what army?

[The Furry Tail Clan appear]

Furry Tail Clan:
Oy!

Boog:
Oh, that army.

Gordy:
You know, the longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be for him to adapt.

Beth:
Oh, I'm sure he'll... At least I think he'll--

Gordy:
And the harder it's gonna be for you to let him go.

Elliot:
[Standing with his butt in the air, his antler stuck to the ground] Hey, Boog! Look, no hands! Though I think I'm getting a sunburn.

Boog:
All right, where's home?

Elliot:
Or maybe it's a moonburn. Check it out.

[Boog slaps Elliot on the butt]

Elliot:
Ow!

Elliot:
Boogster, what's the delio?

Maria:
Watch your mouth, or you gonna get yourself in a LOT of trouble, girlfriend.

Rosie:
You're just jealous 'cause you ain't got a MAN!

Boog:
I don't know, some kind of chick fight. Elliot, wha' I do?

Elliot:
Well, that's easy, you gonna mark your territory. Show them who's boss!

Boog:
(nods) All right, ladies, I'm laying down the law! (Maria and Rosie stare)

Elliot:
Well, unless, of course, they're skunks.

Boog:
(They bellow gas at him and runs to the river and wash himself with some water, then drys himself with some rabbits) The woods is no place for a bear!

Elliot:
I'm a little light-headed.

[His remaining antler cracks off]

[Boog is fighting with Elliot behind the curtains during his show; Boog's holding Elliot by his antler up to the wall]

Boog:
You got me in enough trouble!

Elliot:
Hey. I, you saved my life. That means that you're responsible for me.

Boog:
What? Stop messing up my life!

Elliot:
You needed to get out, you should thank me. [Crosses arms]

Boog:
Thank you?!

Elliot:
[Now happy and smiling] You're welcome, buddy!

Boog:
[Drops Elliot] Grrr! Stop callin' me that! Now get out!

Reilly:
[About Boog] Hey, guys. Check it out. The largest carinvore in North America. The grizzly bear.

Elliot:
And he's a good dancer. We're gonna be in a show.I'm Starsky and he's Hutch!

Boog:
Boog is sorry. [Begins to cry]

Gordy:
Beth, you're not his mother.

Beth:
I'm not mothering him.

Beth:
Excuse me. Go to bed, Boog!

Shaw:
[Referring to Mr. Weenie] Don't trust him. Pets are double agents. The moment you turn your back, he'll shiv ya.

Bobbie:
Oh, no, he can't. We had him fixed.

McSquizzy:
Get off my trees, ya buck-toothed sporran!FREEDOOOOM!!

Boog:
[After waking up in the forest face-to-face with a flower] Ooooohhh... pretty.

Elliot:
You know, I've been thinkin', we should have a secret handshake, and, like, nicknames and stuff. Like, I can call you "Boogster," and you can call me "The Incredible Mr. E." You like that? I just made it up. You know, this is gonna be awesome. It's just you and me. Hey, who's the lady in the shorts?

Bobbie:
Isn't it peaceful out here, Bob? You're right, Bob. Let's not spoil the beauty of this moment... with idle chatter. Some people can just jibber-jabber till the cows come home. What does that mean, Bob? "Till the cows come home." Where have the cows been?

McSquizzy:
Mess not with the Furry Tail Clan, protectors of the weak, crusaders of the righteous, guardians of the pine!

Reilly:
Yo, O'Toole!

O'Toole:
Yeah, boss?

Reilly:
I want you to cantilever that cedar on a bias by the north side.

O'Toole:
Huh?

Reilly:
Put a twig in the hole.

O'Toole:
Oh.

Reilly:
Rookie.

Elliot:
Ian's right, I'm a loser.

Boog:
No, you're not a loser.

Elliot:
Yes, I am!

Boog:
No, you're not!

Elliot:
Yes!

Boog:
No!

Elliot:
Trust me, you know the day I met you, Ian kicked me out of the herd, I lost my antler, I got run over, and tied to the hood of a truck. What do you call that?

Boog:
Ahhh... a loser! But check this out. Behold, the Mighty Grizzly! I look like a bear, I talk like a bear. But I can't fish, I can't climb a tree, I can't even go in the woods!

Elliot:
That's nothin'! Half doe, half buck! I'm a duck!

Boog:
I ride a unicycle for crackers.

Elliot:
I have a glass eye.

Boog:
I can't snap.

Elliot:
I thought log was a color.

Boog:
I can't see my feet!

Elliot:
I killed a man (with this thumb)!

[both laugh]

Elliot:
[Stuck in the ground] Okay, righty tighty.

[He turns right]

Elliot:
Leeefffttty loosey.

[He turns left]

[Explaining the woods to Boog]

Elliot:
Okay, Forest 101: These tall stick things are called trees. The big rocks are called mountains and the little rocks are their babies.

Shaw:
If I don't stop 'em, IT'LL BE A TOTAL REVERSAL... of the "natural order". They laugh at old Shaw, but you'll see, the truth...will be revealed.

[Repeated line]

Buddy:
Buddy!

Shaw:
How far does this conspiracy go?! How many animals are in on it?! God bless America! I hope the bald eagle hasn't turned!

Ian:
"Boog?" What's that short for? "Booger?"

[Ian and the herd laugh]

Beaver #1:
Hey, what you got?

Beaver #2:
Wood. What you got?

Beaver #1:
Wood. You want to trade?

Beth:
You're in big trouble, mister!

Boog:
[to Beth] Sheesh!

[Boog passes out]

Boog:
OW!!!

[Beth takes something off of Boog and gasps]

Beth:
You know what sugar does to you, Boog! [closes Gordy's truck's back door] Straight to bed, now!

[Boog gets up and runs over to his garage, as he slams the garage door loudly]

Beth:
UGH?! I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.

Boog The Bear:
When I'm a bear rug, they can walk all over me. Until then, I ain't goin' down without a fight!

Boog The Bear:
Not this fall, baby. The fall after this fall.

Boog The Bear:
I'm not workin' with this guy.

Boog The Bear:
This here is my home.

Elliot The Reindeer:
[bounces on a bed] So soft. What is that? [bounces off]

Elliot The Reindeer:
Coming this fall.

Elliot The Reindeer:
Oh, got it. Coming not this fall.

Elliot The Reindeer:
Then you say it.

McSquizzy:
[When Boog goes over to his tree and hits him with an acorn] Oy! You late for Sunday school, pal? This is McSquizzy's turf. Nobody messes with McSquizzy. Because that's me.

Boog:
What?

McSquizzy:
Touch a needle in this tree and I'll give you such a doing.

Boog:
Yeah? You and what army?

[As McSquizzy whistles, several gray squirrels appear]

Gray Squirrels:
Oy!

Boog:
Oh, that army.

McSquizzy:
Mess not with the Furry Tail Clan. Defenders of the good, crusaders of the righteous, guardians of the pine.

Boog:
Keep your tree. I'll find another one.

McSquizzy:
Look! He has a wee little freakish twin growing out of his back.

Boog:
Oh, this one will work.

McSquizzy:
Hey!

Boog:
Ouch!

McSquizzy:
That was a warning, all right?

Gray Squirrels:
Oy!

McSquizzy:
Try that again and I'll be kicking your furry brown bahookie.

Boog:
What? Hey, this is a different tree.

McSquizzy:
They're all my trees. I suggest you turn round and head right back from whence you came.

Boog:
Well, that's what I'm trying to do. So just point me the way to town and I'll be out of here.

Boog:
That's it! You're asking for a whupping.

McSquizzy:
Ready! Fire!

Elliot:
[Standing with his butt in the air, his antler stuck to the ground] Hey, Boog. Look. No hands. I think I'm getting a sunburn though. Check it out.

Boog:
All right, where's town?

Elliot:
Or what we would call a moonburn.

[Boog slaps Elliot on the butt]

Elliot:
Ow! [Boog grabs him]

Boog:
Look. Just give me the directions. I really need to get back.

Elliot:
So sad.

Boog:
Where is Timberline?!

Elliot:
OK, OK. All right. So you got it pretty good in Timberline, right? Coffee, Woo-Hoo bars, safety.

Boog:
Yeah, so?

Elliot:
And still. Something is missing.

Boog:
There is?

Elliot:
Yep, me. And I want in, Boog. I'll take you to town, but when we get there, we're partners. Deal? Partner?

[rattling]

(Shaw opens the door)

Boog:
(gasps) Oh, no.

Shaw:
[enters the shack] Deers, skunks, beavers.

Boog:
(horrified) I got to hide.

Shaw:
That bear’s turned them all! [he lights the fireplace] Here you go, Lorraine. There. You get good and dry. Come morning, we got a rebellion to crush. And then I'm going to take back, what's mine.

Boog:
(whispering) Elliot.

Shaw:
(he opens the fridge) Huh? Someone's been eating my candy.

(Boog hides under the table)

Shaw:
[he sees his overturned chair] Huh? Somebody has been sitting in my chair! [sniffs, looks at the toilet. He goes to toilet door.] Somebody forgotta flush!

[Repeated line]

Buddy:
Buddy.

Reilly:
Um, what do you got?

O'Toole:
Wood. What do you got?

Reilly:
Wood. You want to trade? [he gasps silently] Hey, hey, guys. Check it out. There goes the largest carnivore in North America. The mighty grizzly.

Elliot:
And he's a good dancer. We're going to be in a show.

[Beavers laugh]

Boog:
[grabs Elliot's antler] Come here!

Elliot:
Ow, ow, ow. Hey, that's my good antler.

Boog:
Listen, simple. We are not we. It's just me and we ain't doing no show.

Elliot:
Huh. Diva.

Boog:
What?!

Elliot:
I understand what's going on here. You're a little crabby, because you're hungry.

Boog:
I, I…

Elliot:
Hmm? Hmm? I think yes.

Boog:
[sobs] I'm starving!

McSquizzy:
Aww. Mr. Happy didn't go off.

[Boog wakes up to discover he's in the woods.]

Boog:
AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!! [his scream echoes throughout the forest] Where's home?! It's gone! Someone stole it!

[Elliot comes out of the bag]

Elliot:
Hey, could you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here. [yawns in Boog's face; Boog shakes with fury]

Boog:
You!

[Boog grabs Elliot's antler and walks over to a steep cliff]

Elliot:
I didn't do it.

Boog:
[holding Elliot over the cliff] Take a good look, Elliot. What do you see, Elliot? Something's missing. What is it, Elliot? What is it?!

Elliot:
Wait, don't tell me....

Boog:
TIMBERLINE IS MISSING!

Elliot:
Aww! I was just gonna say that.

Boog:
My garage is missing! Breakfast, lunch and dinner are missing! My life is missing! And it's all… your... FAULT!

Elliot:
What're you gonna do? [Boog lets go of his antler; he falls, but Boog quickly grabs him] AAAAAAHHHHH...! [Boog holds him up; Elliot realizes he wasn't falling; chuckles] You're funny. I thought "maybe, then I was like uh-uh and then—" [Boog throws him over his shoulder.]

Boog:
This ain't happening. It's some kind of mistake. Think, Boog. She's mad.

Shaw:
[after seeing Elliot walking around on two legs and drinking some coffee he found in a nearby dumpster] You? It walks like a man!

[Elliot screams in terror, as he began to flee]

Shaw:
Hold still, you two-legged latte drinker.

Woman:
[screams] Look out!

Gordy:
[groans] Not again.

Boog:
Behold. The Mighty… Grizzly! Goodnight. (he faints)

Boog:
All right, fishies. Give it up for Boog.

Boog:
Oh yeah. Don't mess with the Boogster.